


Falling Underground

by Merlinsapprentice



Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: But A Good Kind, F/F, F/M, FYI Reader Does Not Do Drugs, Fluff, HIATUS SEVERAL YEARS-PERSONAL ISSUES-COLLEGE, Multi, Reader Is A Weirdo, Reader Is Not Frisk, Reader Just Might Be A Female Version Of Luffy Really, Sexual Content, Should the reader be in a relationship?...Hmm.., Swearing, slight crack
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-07-02
Updated: 2017-06-04
Packaged: 2018-07-19 14:23:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 39,333
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7365007
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Merlinsapprentice/pseuds/Merlinsapprentice
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Lol a role play I have with my friends.  Enjoy the crack.</p>
        </blockquote>





	1. Adventure Start

Now many people would hear about the warning of "Don't go to the dark creepy mountain," "People never return," "you're an idiot if you do go," and, "Fuck you you wanna die go do it then stupidhead."

Also, sane, intelligent people would not venture near the Mount Ebott considering those and many other warnings. Normal people would maybe hike at the area on the bottom of the mountain, but that's about it. Normal people would not wonder "Oh gee what's down there? Maybe a little perky weekly wouldn't hurt." And then proceed to climb up the mountain to peer into the bottom of the hole.

Welp, you weren't normal. You considered yourself sane-weird, but definitely sane. You weren't some rocket scientist, but you did consider yourself to have a smart head on your shoulders. However, this was probably not what the two teenagers staring at you were thinking.

"Yo lady! You're going to kill yourself!"

"Yeah! You're bat shit crazy if you think it's okay to be near the edge!" The other joined in. You flipped them off.

"Fuck you jackasses I do what I want!" And proceeded to blow a raspberry. You, an adult, towards two teenagers. Very mature.

"Whatever!" They called back and began to walk away. You peered down the hole one more time.

"Echo echo!" You called out, hearing your voice bounce down deeper and deeper into the mountain's dark tunnel until it quieted. A silence filled the area, a light breeze blowing as the trees swayed. Deciding you'd satisfied your weird, sudden desire to stare down into the mountain-now that you thought about, how did you get here anyway?-and turned around to head back home when you thought you heard a voice come out from the mountain.

"H-howdy!"

"What in the actual fuck?!" You yelled and somehow managed to flip yourself over so you went falling into the mountain, screaming, "FUCK YOU, ALIIIICCCCEEE!!!" Because seriously-falling inside a black void was some scary shit and you didn't take no drugs to see multi-colored hallucinations.

'If I live through this, I'm going to scream at the top of my lungs I LOVE TITTIES, I swear on me mum.' You thought as you continued to scream. You began to see a gold light-? No wait, those were flower petals. What were flower petals-

Your thoughts abruptly came to a halt when your body slammed into the golden petals. Your last coherent thought was, 'I'm definitely not walking on Sunshine.'

  
"H-hey there. Are you okay?" You groaned and sat up, rubbing your throbbing head as your blurry vision began to clear, making you see a...flower? Now that you thought about it, it reminded you of those flowers from Plants Vs. Zombies.

"H-Howdy! I'm Flowey, Flowey the Flower." You stared at him.

"Am I dead?" Flowey smiled nervously as sweat-the hell?-rolled down his face. "No."

You promptly stood to your feet, startling Flowey with your sudden outcry. "HA! IN YOUR FACE YOU HORMONAL TEENAGERS!" You flipped your middle finger up towards the top of the cave. "IN YOUR FUCKIN' FACE!" Then you began to dance around the cave, twirling as you laughed hysterically. After a minute of dancing, you paused. Flowey wondered if it was possible you had knocked a screw loose from your fall, despite having your fall softened by the magic sunflowers. "Oh yeah. I'm alive, so I have to keep my promise."

"Keep your promise-?" You cupped your hands to your mouth and shouted out at the top of your lungs, "I LOVE TITIES!"

'Yep. The stupid is strong with this one.' Flowey sighed to himself. 'But she is the first grown up human...So maybe there's a chance.'

"H-hey. You done with your...promise?" You dusted your hands off. "Pretty much." You then crouched down to his level, staring at him intently. "So you're...A flower...That can talk."

"Yeah."

"How?"

"What do you mean how?"

"Flowers aren't supposed to talk."

"Well I'm a monster. We can do all kinds of magical things." This human was certainly more of a conversationalist, he'd give her that. Your eyes widened in surprise.

"So, wait...That legend where monsters were sealed away thousands of years ago was true?"

"Would I be able to talk to you if it wasn't?" You shrugged and stood up to your full height.

"Fair enough." You looked around, realizing that beyond the hole peering up into the mountain's entrance, there was complete darkness as far as you could see. "Do you have any idea how I can go back up to the surface, Flowey?"

The flower shivered and you felt bad for the poor thing. You checked to see if you're backpack was still on you-it was. Good. "W-well, there is one way...Breaking the barrier....But-"

"Wait, so if I break this 'barrier', I'll save you monsters and et back home? Awesome!" Flowey waved his leaves in a no no gesture.

"Y-yes but you have to get past all the monsters and Asgore, the king, and-". You smiled and gently lifted Flowey off of the ground. He tensed and stared at you fearfully as you reached into your backpack-to pull out a bottle of water? Oh...Oh.

You helped him drink the water and took it from him when he slowed, letting out a relieved sigh. His petals looked much healthier now and he looked at you in confusion. You hugged the flower close to you as you softly stroked his petals. "It's going to be okay, alright?"

"W-what're you-"

"Everything's going to be okay. We're going to break the barrier, save all the monsters, and do it all without killing anybody. Unless it's with kindness." You chuckled and held the flower back so he could look at you. "So don't stress out, okay? The best thing to do in a stressful situation is to take a deep breath, remain calm, and take it all in stride." Flowey stared at you in surprise and slight awe.

"Wow. You're not as stupid as I thought you were." Dude. Harsh. You decided to let that comment slide and held out your arm. "Do you think you can wrap yourself around? It'll be a lot easier than carrying you with two hands."

"Yeah." Flowey moved his vines so he clung on to you like a bracelet, placing his body and head near your shoulder.

"Great! Now I think I packed a flashlight in here somewhere..." You muttered and began to search inside for your flashlight. "Band aids-no. Batteries-no. Phone-no. Chocolate bars-no. Maybe later. Aha! Here it is!" You triumphantly pulled out your glow in the dark flashlight-a pretty blue color of you did say so yourself-and flicked it on, lighting up what looked like ancient ruins of some sort of ancient civilization.

Flowey eyed your backpack. "Do you have everything in there?" You chuckled and began to walk forward, the flashlight lighting your path as you and Flowey chatted.

"Everything is need to explore the mountain. I brought it with me to check out the hole, but I ended up falling in when I heard you. On the plus side, I've got a flashlight, it's batteries, some food and water, feminine napkins-"

"What are those?"

"Well you see, Flowey, once a month a human woman-"

"Okay okay I'm good!"

"-undergoes a process called menstruation-"

"I don't wanna know anymore!"

"-in which the female sex cells called eggs-"

"Please please please stop!"

"-and if not fertilized my the male sex cell called sperm-"

"OH MY GOD."

"-sets itself in the upper lining of the uterus-"

"THIS IS NOT OKAY."

As you indulged Flowey on the wonders of the human body, you thoroughly enjoyed yourself while Flowey looked like he wanted to tear himself apart and scream until his head exploded. The two of you were unaware that a tall, feminine figure watched the two of you approach.

The monster smiled sadly. "It seemed you have finally arrived...

...My child..."


	2. Toriel

"I think my ears are bleeding..." Flowey groaned. After informing Flowey are far more than he'd ever wanted to know about human women, he was desperate to find some bleach and soak his eyes and brains. You remained chipper as ever and patted the despondent Flower's leaf.

"Don't worry, they're not. Because you don't have any ears."

"Oh my GOD what have I done?" Flowey groaned and covered his eyes with his leaf-hands and you chuckled.

"Aw geez, you don't have to look so green."

"Stars why?"

"Hey Flowey, I went to the house of horrors for lunch. Guess what I had for lunch."

"Human food?"

"I scream for dessert."

"Aaaaaghjjjajajbaj." He flipped his head into the crook of your neck, his spirit thoroughly broken.

"Why do you barely ever see the sun inside a classroom?"

"Please don't."

"It’s got enough degrees already."

"You're worse than Sans."

"How do you organize a fantastic  
space party? You planet."

"Why, stars? What have I done to deserve this?"

"It remains a puzzle why a bra is singular and panties are plural."

You decided to spare him a moment of silence before continuing with his daily dose of Y/N puns.

"So flower you doing today?"

"Y/N!" You laughed as he smacked your face with his leaf-hands. "Okay okay, last one, I swear. A waiter told a customer, 'Our restaurant's snails are world famous.' The customer replied,-"

"I know. One's been serving me." A feminine, deep yet soothing voice chuckled. You and Flowey looked at one another before slowly turning around, staring up at the tall monster before you. She was a goat monster by the looks of it, wearing a ragged purple dress and bandages along her arms as she smiled down at you. Though it was a happy smile, you could also see grief and sadness in her eyes as well.

"Um, hi!" You grinned and extended your hand. "My name's Y/N. What's yours, miss?"

She chuckled again and shook your hand. "Such a polite...child? My name's Toriel. But you may call me Tori." You shook her hand, admiring how soft and warm her paws were.

"Okay. Tori. Huh. I like it, it's cute. Kind of makes you like a Goat Mom, huh? Kinda like Flowey, except, Grumpy GUSS?" Flowey hid himself in your hair. "Y/n we have to get out of here she's bad. Remember? All monsters will stop at nothing to have your SOUL."

"Don't worry. So Tori, I'm glad you like my puns." She smiled.

"Why yes, I'm quite a fan of them myself-"

"Because I'm a really punny guy." Toriel stared at you in wonder before laughing. "I'm serious. I'd love to tell you a chemistry joke, but I don't know what your reaction will be."

"O-oh my g-goodness!" Tori laughed, already breathless from overhearing your puns with Flowey and laughing once more at these new ones. "Singing in the shower is all fun and games until you get shampoo in your mouth. Then it's a soap opera."

Toriel began to laugh so hard tears were coming out of her eyes. You soon joined her, the two of you sharing puns and laughing your heads off.

"Y/N, do you need some help navigating the Ruins."

"Yeah, that'd be great!"

"Then how about a nice, quick, TuTORIal!" You both burst into laughter once more while Flowey wondered how he had found himself in Pun Hell.

Once you two had caught your breath, you began to chat. You told Toriel about how you had wanted to see the mountain and had accidentally fallen in, telling her your hobbies and interests. Tori told you that she enjoyed cooking, particularly pies, and offered if you'd like her to teach you to make Butterscotch pie.

"I've never heard of that kind of pie before. I'm sure it's delicious." You said. Toriel smiled, her eyes bright and happy. "I can not wait to show you, my child." But then she frowned again once your both reached her home.

"Y/n...Tell me, are you...you're not a child, are you?" You shook your head.

"No. I'm considered an adult among humans." Toriel looked torn as she looked at you before turning back to open the door. "I see...Y/n, do you know the story of how monsters came to be in the Underground?" You were not a child. Perhaps there was a chance yet. A chance that you could be the one to break the barrier. A chance that you could-could...

"Yes. There was a legend-from when I was above-that monsters were sealed away after a war between the two races." Toriel gestured for you to sit down in one of the chairs as she took the other, handing you a plate with some butterscotch pie. It was delicious and healed your wounds. Huh. Monster Magic sure was something else.

"People were warned to stay away, because the few humans that did fall into the mountain never returned." Your own face became serious as you looked at Toriel. "Those humans...they were kids, weren't they? And their SOULs went to Asgore. Monsters along the way killed them for their SOULs. You did your best to protect them, but no matter what you did they never made it past Asgore." Toriel hung her head in her hands and began to cry, startling both you and Flowey.

"I-I'm so sorry, my child. I-I tried to help them, I truly did, b-but..."she sobbed. "We've...We've lost hope throughout the years. We used to joke about how we'd resort to violence and anger, but it got out of hand. Now we've lost any hope and chance for mercy of kindness. In this world, it's truly Kill Or Be Killed."

You hugged Tori, her larger body engulfing your smaller one. You patted her back as she wept, whispering soothing words to her. "I'm sorry. Everything's going to be okay, I promise. Flowey is going to help me. We'll find a way to make it to Asgore and break the barrier."

"But my child..." She looked at your face and gently cradled one cheek in her palm. "The only way to break the barrier...is for you to give up your SOUL." You remained silent and stared around Toriel's house, then back to Toriel, who clearly suffered thorough out the years. All the monsters had suffered. And they didn't deserve it. If it meant sacrificing your SOUL, then so be it.

"If there's no other way, then yes-I will sacrifice my SOUL." Toriel and Flowey stared at you in shock. "Monsters don't deserve this. You don't deserve it, Tori. If I have to die for your freedom, then I have no regrets." You chuckled to yourself. "Kind of always wanted to go out with a bang, anyway."

Flowey softly nestled himself into your hair, pressing his 'lips' softly against your cheek before settling back onto your shoulder. "Thank you..." Toriel wiped away her tears and gently placed her hands above your chest.

"Y/n, may I see your SOUL for a moment?" Do you trust me?

You smiled. "Sure." Of course I do.

Toriel summoned your SOUL out from your chest and stared at it. It was a bright emerald, dazzling in its love and generosity. She smiled.

"KINDNESS...It suits you, my child." She said and sent your SOUL back into your chest. She stood from the chair and began to pack some candy and pie into bags before handing them to you. You thanked her and placed them into your Adventure Time backpack. "Take these. Monster Food will heal you, increasing your Hope Points. And...Be safe." She sighed and wrapped you into a tight hug.

"Thank you." You hugged her tighter. "Mom." You stood and wiped your eyes, grinning as you handled your backpack. "Okay! We're all set. I promise to try and come back to visit." Toriel leaned down to press a soft kiss against your forehead.

"Farewell, my child." Toriel watched you go from the doorstep of her house, waving to you until you disappeared from her sight. You smiled to Flowey. "See? We can do this. Mercy and kindness, right? Everything will be okay."

Flowey sighed. "Not all monsters are as kind at heart like Toriel, Y/n." You pet his head consolingly as the two of you made your way to a...bridge? Hmm. It was a bridge of some sort.

"Don't worry. Well just have to try harder then!" You laughed and munched on some of the pie. Mhmm, yummy.

"For all our sakes, Y/n, I hope you're right."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lol a role play I have with my friends. Enjoy the crack.


	3. Meeting The Skelebros

"Okay. Giant bridge across large expanses of...snow?" You looked at Flowey. How the heck is it snowing?!" Flowey sighed.

"Magic, Y/n."

"Oh yeah." You shivered and rubbed your arms for warmth. Flowey eyed your clothes and groaned. You don't have anything besides that long-sleeve and capris?"

"I said my backpack had a lot of things, not everything. Do I look like the Cooney Brothers? Besides, I'm sure I'll find something warm to wear around here." For example, there was a bridge. That came out of nowhere to help, right? Totally proves your point.

You chuckled and began to cross it, carefully holding onto the rails as you did so. This thing looked old, and there was no Shrek behind you to scare you into crossing the bridge safely and quickly. So you'd have to be as careful as you could. Toes in, toes out. Two steps. Two more steps. Almost there! One. Two. Three!

"YUSS! We made it!" You cheered. Flowey gave a relieved sigh. "Thank goodness we didn't run into Sans..." You titled our head.

"Huh? Why's that? Who's Sans? Flowey scowled. "An asshole skeleton who killed me and the original eighth fallen human so many times that they gave up and never tried to break the barrier again." He said.

"So he's a..." Flowey wearily eyed your growing grin. "Spooky scary skeleton?"

"Are you serious right now?!"

"He sends shivers down your spine." You laughed and continued to sing as you made your way forward, looking at Flowey as you did so. "Spooky scary skeleton~"

"you've sealed your doom tonight." A deep, heavy Brooklyn accent continued for you. You turned your head back straight and, sure enough, a skeleton at least five inches shorter than you-but with extremely sharp teeth-smirked up at you.

"This really has to stop happening." You sighed and shook your head. "First Tori, now Sans. What am I, a running gag?"

Sans chuckled. "I ain't got the foggiest idea what you're talking about, but heh. not my business." He stuck out his hand. "names sans. sans the skeleton." You smiled and grabbed his hand.

"Nice to meet you Saaaaans!" You yelled out the last part of his name as you were shocked from inside of your palm. Sans laughed as you were slightly being electrocuted.

"ah the old joy buzzer! that one never gets old." You smiled and shook your hand to get rid of the antsy feeling. "Heh nice one. I'm Y/n. I take it your a comedian?"

He winked. "At least I find myself to be rather humerus." You giggled. His eye sockets narrowed at Flowey though, who quivered and himself deeper into your hair. "what's with the weed infestation?"

You glanced at Flowey. "Oh. This is Flowey. He's a friend of mine. He's going to help me get to Asgore so we can break the barrier." For the umpteenth time today, Flowey wanted to smack you upside the head. You were too honest and way, way, way too dense. Were you born like this or did you take some hardcore drugs? Because goddamn he wanted in.

"break the barrier, huh?" Sans's eye sockets darkened. "and do oh know how that would work?"

"Either you need my SOUL or we find another way. If there's no other option, I'm going to let Asgore take it." You said. Sans eyed you with surprise and barrier and narrowed his eye sockets, leaning closer to you and looking directly up into your e/c eyes to see if you were lying. You meant every word you said. Huh. A green SOUL with a grown up...Interesting.

They might have a chance.

"heh. a'ight. I'm impressed." He chuckled. He waved you over to follow him. "you've got some moxy in ya, pal. I'll help ya, alright? but only every now and then. my brother's a...heh...human fanatic, so he won't stop at nothing to have captured one, get it?"

You nodded sagely. "So he's a mystery guy." Sans blinked and looked to Flowey for an explanation who mouthed the words. 'This is what I have to suffer.' "ooookay. so just try and hide if ya see him comin'. okay?"

"Okay!" Oh grinned and gave him a thumbs up as you shivered again before an idea came into mind. It was cold. Sans had a floofy jacket. You + Sans's floofy jacket = Warmth. You grinned and eyed Sans. Who paused his walking to see you looking at him with an almost predatory gleam in your eye. "uhhh...what're you?"

"GIMME THE FLOOFY!" You cried out before pouncing on Sans, bringing him down onto the snowy ground as you buried yourself into his jacket, wrapping the open ends around you and snuggled into the crook of his neck. His whole body tensed and Flowey would've had a heart attack if he had one.

"Y/n. what are you doing?" Sans asked and furiously wondered why your body was so squishy. We're all humans like this? So soft and warm? It was weird. You're weird.

"Getting warm!" You said and looked at him as though it was the most obvious thing in the world. "You're floofy jacket is warm, so I wanted to snuggle myself into it." You grinned down at him with an innocent smile. "You know what? You skeletons are warm and cuddly!"

Sans wondered what kind of shit you've been smoking and why he's never heard of it. "okay. that's nice. before you enlighten me on 'feeling colors,' would you ever so kindly-get your fucking body off of me." Like hell would he admit he liked cuddles. It went against the Manly Man of Machodom Code.

You pouted but nodded. "Okay." You removed yourself from Sans and helped him up easily, surprising Sans with you're strength. You were just full of surprises, weren't you?

He dusted the snow off his back and stuffed his hands back into his pockets. "that's enough weirdness for me. come on. my bro should be patrolling in Hotland right now, so that gives you plenty of time to get out of Snowdin." You nodded.

"Thanks a bunch, Sans."

"heheheheh. it's real ice of me, huh?" You laughed and Sans grinned. No one else laughed at his puns.

"You're so awesome I bet they call you Mr. Cool." He chuckled. Compliment and a pun. Not bad.

"hey y/n, what's the difference between a snowman and snow-woman?"

"I dunno, what?"

"snowballs."

"Oh my god!" You laughed, Sans joining you with more controlled chuckles as you wheezed. Flowey stared at the skeleton in bemusement.

"Why are you being so nice?! You hate humans!"

Sans rolled his specters and huffed. "I don't hate humans. just don't like a certain brat that used to come down with you-and did something that made me wanna have a g o o d t i m e." His eye sockets turned dark and you frowned as a dark air filled the atmosphere. "in other words, I don't have a problem with pure SOUL over there-but with you, I've got a lot more than a few bones to pick." You stared between you're two friends in confusion, wondering why on earth they were on such bad terms with one another. "why don't you tell y/n what you plan on doing with her when she reaches Asgore?"

Flowey tensed and you eyed your flower friend in worry. "Flowey? What's he talking about? Are you okay?"

"I'm fine..." He said and buried himself into your hair once more. He did not meet your eyes when he spoke. You sighed and reached into the back of your head to hold Flowey. He tensed immediately and stared up at you with fear. "Y/n wait I-I can-". You hugged him slide to you. "-explain?"

Both Flowey and Sans eyed you in astonishment. "It's okay Flowey . If you don't want to tell me, that's fine. I just want you to know I'll always be there for you, okay? Because that's what friends are for. Even if you're hiding something from me, I trust you. I won't ever hate you for who you are Flowey, or what you do to me. The only thing that would make me upset? Is that you didn't think of me as you're friend. Are we friends, Flowey?"

Flowey stared up at you, mouth opening and closing. Sans watched, determined to see just how powerful your SOUL was. Flowey finally nodded, tears spilling out of his eyes as he wept. "Y-you're my best friend, Y/n!" He said and buried himself back into the crook of your neck. "Chara, I'm sorry....But I can't....I just can't..." He murmured and hugged you with his hand-leaves.

Sans's grin widened. If your SOUL was powerful enough to change that Demonic flower, then any doubts he had that you could break that barrier was gone. You could do it. He believed in you with all of his SOUL. "nice job, kiddo. now come on, let's go get some mean-cream." He chuckled.

You wiped your eyes and nodded. "Y-yeah, that sounds good right about now." The two of you resumed your walk, exchanging puns as you went. Soon you saw a blue bunny by an ice cream stand and you assumed that was the one Sans had been talking about.

"Aw a cute bunny!" You cooed and ran past Sans to glomp the startled vendor. "You're soooo cuuute!" You chirped and nuzzled into his soft blue fur. The rabbit was wondering what the hell kind of monster you were and what he should do because damn son you had a strong grip. He caught Sans's eye and the skeleton gave him a sympathetic shrug.

"BLEU WHAT ON-IS THAT A HUMAN?" You let go of the ice cream man and stared, slack-jawed, at the tall skeleton in front of you. Damn! Oh, he must be Sans's brother...Shit...

San teleported besides his brother and quickly held his hands out. "bro wait I can explain-"

And any hope he had of reasoning with his younger brother about sparing you flew out the window when you curiously poked his brother's spine and the pelvic bone not covered by his pants. Papyrus became dead silent with a dark aura over him as he stared down at you. "HUMAN WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?"

"Is this underwear Velcro? Because it sure is tearible! Ba-dum-tish!" You thought you saw a red tint to his cheek bones but probably imagined it because the next thing you knew a red, sharp bone was hurtling towards you in the air.

And that's how the following scene was you running for your life with an enraged Papyrus running after you. You thanked the stars for how the fight or flight response was helping to make you faster than him because holy shit he looked PISSED.

"Shit shit shit Satan shove your large dick up my ass shit!!!" You cursed as Papyrus threw bone after bone at you and you dodged, somehow managing to run on the walls and leap off of them and the bones.

"You idiot!" Flowey yelled at you as he clung onto you for dear life. "How the fuck could you think touching his privates was a good idea?!"

Jump.

"I thought it was his underwear sticking out and wanted to put it back down for him! And how the fuck was I supposed to know that's considered a private area?! He's a fucking skeleton!"

Leap.

"How for the ever loving fuck did you think that was underwear?!"

Dash.

"It's not my fault how far away I was!"

Jump.

"HE WAS STANDING RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOU!"

Leap.

"Well don't blame me it was the angle!"

Dash.

"WHAT ANGLE?!"

Double jump. Hey look, your Mario!

"The sun was in my eyes!"

Leap.

"THIS IS THE MOTHER FUCKING UNDERGROUND WHAT FUCKING SUN?!"

Dash.

"Okay fine I'm sorry I'm so dense! I admit it! So very very very stupidly dense!"

Up up right left down down.

"THANK YOU FOR ADMITTING IT ASSHOLE!"

  
Sans was rolling on the floor in laughter as he watched his flustered brother chase you around, you screaming at the top of your lungs along with Flowey as Papyrus spewed curse after curse about the audacity of touching the Captain of the Royal Guard in such an intimate manner and ya day yad math yad ah this was priceless!

You evaded all his traps and puzzles by running for your life and pure luck. And though he did keep an eye out and worry for your safety, he had to admit that your naivety and the resulting situations it lead to was pretty damn hilarious.

He couldn't wait to see what else you had in store for the Underground.

 

 


	4. Befriending Papyrus

"WHY WON'T YOU JUST DIE?!" 

"But I can't die yet! I have so many things to do!"

"TOUCH ME AGAIN AND I WILL ENSURE YOU HAVE THE SLOWEST, MOST PAINFUL DEATH IMAGINABLE!"

"I didn't mean doing the do I swear! I swear! I meant checking off the Bucket List, really!"

"Less talking more running you idiot!"

Papyrus cursed as you continued to evade him. He was Captain of the Royal Guard for a reason-how the fuck were you faster than him?! And you managed to solve his puzzles and outmaneuver his traps as you ran. After attempting to seduce him in the stupidest manner possible-that innocent smile was hiding something, he just knew it-he was certain that you were the perfect candidate for village idiot.

Damn it just thinking about your touch made his bones turn a deeper red. He hated how you had subtly aroused him. You were a sick, squishy human! He refused to allow you to seduce him with your strangely soft touches! 

"HUMAN YOU ARE GOING YO DIE AND YOU ARE GOING TO LIKE IT!"

"Nooooo I still need to prove that the government is hiding the Autobots in some secret military base!"

...What?

"SANS! STOP LAYING ON THE FLOOR AND LAUGHING YOUR USELESS HEAD OFF AND HELP ME CAPTURE THE HUMAN!" Just glancing at his brother he realized no matter how he threatened or cursed, his brother was laughing so hard that red tears were pouring out of his eye sockets.

Finally you had managed to chase you to-how the fuck did your spas running lead you to Undyne's home? How the-? He stared incredulously as you hugged the top fun of the yellow fish-headed house as you panted, clearly more exhausted than he was from this insane running. He surveyed the area and, sure enough, you had managed to run all the way past Snowdin to the Hotlands. How he didn't notice this he had no idea and didn't want to think about it.

"HUMAN, I WILL ASK YOU ONCE-GET DOWN FROM UNDYNE'S HOUSE AND ACCEPT YOUR INEVITABLE CAPTURE!"

"But I can't let you take my SOUL!" You called back.

"AND WHY THE FUCK NOT?"

"I have to get to Asgore so I can break the barrier!" 

Papyrus stared at you. "YOU....YOU WANT TO BREAK-?" He shook his head at the absurdity. "HUMAN, TO DO THAT ASGORE WILL TAKE YOUR SOUL!"

"I know. If it's the only way, then he can have it. So I'm not going to let you kill me. I need to get to the king no matter what!" Why...Why would you? Papyrus sighed and rubbed his skull, hearing a familiar chuckle beside him.

"HOW NICE OF YOU TO FINALLY SHOW UP, BROTHER." 

"hehehe. thanks Boss." Sans looked up to see the human on Undyne's house and grinned. "still haven't caught Y/n yet?"

Papyrus rolled his eyes. "NO THAT IS-"

"damn. something fishy must be going on here." Papyrus groaned. Normally he'd tell his brother off for his puns but frankly he was tired from chasing you and now more tired from your dense mind. Why did you want to break the barrier? You knew it would free the monsters, so why...?

"HUMAN! EXPLAIN TO ME WHY SOMEONE AS PATHETIC AS YOU-" Sans winced at the insult. "WANTS TO REACH THE KING? WHAT IS THE REASON THAT YOU WOULD WILLINGLY MARCH YOURSELF TO YOUR DEATH?"

"You're telling me. she's not even using weapons to protect herself." Flowey grumbled into your hair. 

"Because you guys are my friends and you don't deserve to be trapped down here for your entire lives!" You used one free hand to point to him, Sans, and Flowey. "Friends help each other. They're always there when you need them, and a true friend will stand by their friends when they need help." You took a deep breath, your breathing still uneasy from all the running you've done, and continued. "I know I might die. I know most of the monsters down here-you included-want my SOUL to make yourselves more powerful. But I can't let that happen. I need to at least reach Asgore, and if there really is no other way to break the barrier, then I can die, knowing that my death meant something. So, please, Mr. Papyrus. Let me try."

Sans stared at you, then his brother. He could see the thoughts swirling in his brother's frowning, thoughtful expression. No doubt thinking the same things that he had. That although you were a strange human, you might have a chance to break the barrier.

"VERY WELL, HUMAN. I GIVE YOU MY WORD AS THE GREAT AND TERRIBLE PAPYRUS THAT I WILL DESIST PERSISTENCE ON YOUR CAPTURE." He could see your face brighten and a large smile to spread across her face. She was not cute. Not at all. So damn it stop blushing.

You carefully let go of the fin and stood hesitantly on the top of the house.

"WELL?" He crossed his arms and sighed. What's the matter now?

"I, uh....I can't get down." You chuckled sheepishly.

Oh for the love of-"WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU CAN'T GET DOWN? HOW DID YOU GET UP THERE IN THE FIRST PLACE?"

"I was panicking so I jumped!"

"THEN JUMP DOWN!"

"But someone has to catch me or I'll break something!"

"OH GODDAMNIT. FINE. FINE! SANS, STEP ASIDE AMD PUT YOUR ARMS DOWN. I'M FAR STRONGER THAN YOU ARE AND AS SUCH AM BURDENED WITH THIS TASK." Sans placed his arms back into his hoodie/jacket pockets and shrugged. 

"heheheheh. sure thing, boss." He smirked and relaxed himself to enjoy the show. When you had tackled him, you weighed a lot more than he thought you did. Apparently adult humans weigh more than child humans. And his brother was going to catch you without knowing this. Classic. He really did love these antics of yours.

Papyrus spread his arms out. "OKAY HUMAN. JUMP AND I WILL CATCH YOU."

"Promise?"

"YES, I PROMISE."

"Really promise?"

"YES, HUMAN, I REALLY PROMISE."

"Promise as Captain of the Royal Guard?"

"FU-YES, HUMAN, NOW JUMP ALREADY!" 

"Okay..." You took a deep breath. "Here goes..." You took a step back and ran forward, jumping into the air once you neared the ledge. Papyrus expected to easily catch you-you didn't seem all that heavy so this shouldn't be a prob-oh goddamnit shit you were heavier than he thought. Papyrus strained himself slightly as he adjusted you in his arms so he held you princess style. Okay. This was fine. Though he underestimated your mass, you weren't a boulder. He could handle this. Sans seemed surprised and he couldn't help but feel smug about this. 

"SEE? AS PROMISED." He smirked by faltered when you threw your arms around his neck. "Yes! Thank you, Papyrus. I know I'm kinda heavy, so I really appreciate you not dropping me." You said and smiled. "Does that make us friends?"

"...YES?" How did keeping a promise make you friends?

"Awesome!" As Papyrus let you down, you ran to Sans and happily hugged him. "Sans! Guess what? Papyrus and I are friends now!" Sans chuckled and patted your back, enjoying the warmth of your soft flesh against him.

"heh. nice job." You let him go to talk to Flowey. "Hear that, Flowey? Papyrus is our friend now, too!" Flowey sighed and mumbled, resting his head against your cheek. "Yeah yeah, good job you're not dead, whoop dee doo."

Papyrus leaned forward to inspect Flowey and tapped his chin thoughtfully, a cruel smirk spread across his features and Flowey shrieked back into your hair. "IS THAT A WEED? I CAN REMOVE IT FOR YOU, IF YOU WANT." He chuckled darkly, and Flowey was glad he was a flower because otherwise he would've pissed himself.

"No, it's ok. Flowey is my friend." You shivered and rubbed your arms. You looked at the two skeleton brothers. "If it's okay, can we head back to your place and then come back here? I'm still cold..."

Papyrus looked your form up and down. You certainly looked like you could use a rest. "VERY WELL. SANS, TELEPORT US HOME." 

"sure bro." Sans felt and saw you grab his and Papyrus's hand and wanted to laugh at his brother's sudden jolt. 

You blinked your eyes and felt the world seem to swirl around you, your SOUL lurching in your chest and you stumbled, grasping onto Sans's smaller body and he steadied you. "easy there, y/n. how ya feelin'?"

"Okay. That was...weird." You looked around and saw that you were in a living room. Sans had sat down on the couch, you joining as you looked, and saw that Papyrus was making something in the kitchen. You didn't have many injuries, and you wanted to save as much Monster Candy as you could, so it would be best to eat whatever food he gave you.

"HUMAN!" You saw Papyrus enter the room with a plate of lasagna in his hands. "PREPARE TI HAVE YOUR HP GO UP TO THE HIGHEST LEVEL AFTER TASTING THE GREAT PAPYRUS'S COOKING!" You smiled and took the plate from him, using the form on there and began to eat. Your eyes widened. You felt warmth, rejuvenated, and holy schnitzel this was the best food you've ever tasted!

"Holy shit, Papyrus. This is amazing!" You cheered and practically inhaled the food in front of you. Papyrus scoffed. 

"OF COURSE IT IS. YOU WOULD EXPECT NO LESS FROM A CULINARY MASTER SUCH AS MYSELF." He bragged. You smiled and noticed that you had accidentally managed to drop some tomato sauce onto your fingers. You licked and sucked on your fingers, making sure to not let a single inch of this delicious sauce escape. The skeleton brothers watched you with wide eye sockets. Their faces blushed as you continued your oblivious actions, not realizing the sexual implications of it in the least.

"H-HUMAN, Y-YOU ARE YOU FINISHED?" You nodded and licked your lips happily. "Uh huh. It was really yummy, thank you. How about you, Flowey? Do you want a bar?" The flower shook his head and rested himself deeper into your hair, preparing to sleep.

"No thanks. You're being weird again." You looked at him in confusion. "Huh?"

"welp, this was fun and all and I need to get some sleep see ya." Sans mustered out before teleporting away, leaving you with a flustered Papyrus. You placed the fork carefully on the plate and put it in the sink, washing your hands and mouth. You then went back into the living room and yawned, rubbing your eyes. 

Papyrus noticed your tired state and sighed, crossing his arms. "HUMAN, I BELIEVE THAT IT IS BEST IF YOU FOLLOW MY BROTHER'S EXAMPLE. YOU LOOK EXHAUSTED."

You smiled tiredly with droopy eyes. "Oh okay. I'll go sleep with him then." You said and began to slowly make your way upstairs as Papyrus choked on his own spit.

He quickly stood in front of you, crossing his arms. "HUMAN YOU CANNOT SLEEP WITH MY BROTHER!" You tilted your head in confusion. "Why not? I'm sleepy and you said to sleep with him." You were confused. What was wrong with having a sleepover?

Papyrus turned redder. "I DID NOT MEAN IT LIKE THAT! YOU CAN'T GO AN-AN-". Oh stars he couldn't even bring himself to say it. "LOOK, YOU JUST CAN'T AND THAT'S THAT OKAY?"

"Okay. So can I sleep with you?" 

Stars somebody shatter his SOUL then and there PLEASE. Papyrus took a deep breath. You didn't seem to understand the implications, so perhaps you're density translated to naivety as well. "DO YOU THINK OF IT AS A...SLEEPOVER?" He tried. You couldn't be that stupid, could you?

You smiled. "Of course! That's what it means, doesn't it?" He was wrong. You were.

Papyrus stared at you for a moment before sighing. "FINE. YES. JUST STAY FAR AWAY FROM ME AND ON YOUR SIDE OF THE BED, UNDERSTAND?"

You nodded and Papyrus let you follow him up the stairs. You cheered. You got to have a sleepover after years without one! Awesome! "Yay I get to sleep with-". Papyrus whirled around to cover your mouth, fearfully looking to his brother's room. "DON'T. FINISH. THAT. SENTENCE." You frowned in confusion but nodded. Papyrus released you and groaned, opening the door to his room as you ran and jumped onto the bed, kicking our shoes off as you smuggled into the covers.

He sincerely hoped no one ever found out about this or he would never live it down.


	5. Not What It Looks Like: Papyrus

You sighed blissfully when your nose smelled the delicious scent of pasta, most likely lasagna.  Your face was pressed into a warm and smooth-albeit somewhat hard-pillow, and the blankets surrounding you were wrapped tightly around your body, almost as though someone was embracing you  Curiously, you slowly opened your eyes and blinked a few times, rubbing them as well to get rid of the misty blur that came with drowsiness.  Your eyes widened in surprise when you realized that, yes, someone was indeed hugging you.  And who was it?

Why, it was none other than the Great and Terrible Papyrus himself.  

You wanted to laugh at how he managed to have a lightly irritated scowl on his face when you quietly tried to slip away.  He mumbled something in his sleep as he wrapped his arms around you tighter, preventing any and all chances of escape. Phooey.  Well, at least he was warm and cuddly like Sans.  You sighed.

"So you're finally awake," you heard a familiar voice grumble and smiled.  

"And a good morning to you too, Flowey," you reply.  He shook his head.  Flowey had slept on the top drawers and had half-bemused, half-horrified, watched Papyrus cuddle with you when he fell asleep.  "Did you sleep okay?"

"It was fine.  Now hurry up and go already before he wakes up."  You squirmed once more and Papyrus tightened his hold on you.  After failing a few more times, you decided to give up and just wake Papyrus up.

"Papyrus?"  You gently shook the skeleton's shoulder.  Papyrus grumbled and Flowey's face paled in terror.

"What are you doing?!"  Flowey hissed.  "Don't wake him up!"  He whispered angrily.

"But I can't gt out, so I have to wake him up," you reply.  It shouldn't be too bad, right?  Everyone loves hugs and kisses, so Papyrus wouldn't be upset to see that the two of you were hugging each other.  Perfect sense.  "Papyrus, wakey wakey eggs and bakey!"

Papyrus groaned and slowly opened his eye sockets.  "HUMAN WHY MUST YOU BOTHER ME WITH YOUR INSOLENT PESTER-"  His eyes bugged out when he realized he was holding you and he shrieked, immediately letting you go and scurrying to the back wall of the bed. "WHAT THE FUCK WHY THE BLOODY HELL WERE-I-WHAT IS GOING ON?!"  You started to laugh, unable to restrain yourself at seeing Papyrus's flushed, indignant, angry, and over all scared expression as he stared at you with those wide eyes, one hand raised to his mouth in horror as his body trembled slightly.  Flowey wisely said nothing and went into a comfortable position, idly munching on one of your chocolate bars as he enjoyed the spectacle before him.

Papyrus glared and sputtered at you as you fell over onto your back, laughing so hard that you clutched your aching sides and lightly kicked out your legs.  He was just too funny!  Being afraid of cuddles was the silliest thing you've ever heard of!

"THIS IS NOT FUNNY!' You stared at Papyrus for a second before laughing again, harder than before.  He had squeaked!  The Papyrus, whose voice was husky and graveled, had squeaked in an indignant manner.  Oh stars, you were going to die laughing at this rate.

Papyrus seethed, more than a little pissed off as you continued to laugh your ~~cute~~ stupid little head off.  Damn it how could you, seducing him when he was unconscious?  Had you no dignity you-you-

STOP LAUGHING AND TAKE HIM SERIOUSLY DAMN IT!!!

Papyrus fumed and slammed his hands beside your head, looming over you so that he was straddling you in order to prevent you from moving.  "YOU WANTON HEATHEN!  HOW DARE YOU ATTEMPT TO SEDUCE ME IN MY SLEEP YOU INDECENT, DENSE, BOTHERSO-"  The door quickly opened, a worried Sans walking in.

"bro i heard  yelling is everything okay-"  He stopped, taking in the scene before him.  His younger brother, straddling you to the bed with a blushing face as you laid beneath him, your chest heaving with your own red face and a large, goofy grin hanging on your lips.  His eye sockets went dark and Flowey immediately started to scoot himself as far away from the short skeleton as he could.  Papyrus's blush deepened as he quickly looked from you to his brother, realizing the provocative position that you and him were in.

"BROTHER THIS IS NOT WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE!"  Papyrus sputtered out as you gasped for air, finally managing to breathe after laughing so intensely.

"...geez, bro,"  Sans sweated, unsure why he didn't like that Papyrus was intimate with you.  "if ya wanted ta go to the bone zone so bad, why didn't ya just say so?"  Even as he joked he felt that strange, resentful feeling simmer in him.

"B-BUT I DON'T THE HUMAN ATTEMPTED TO FLIRT BY EMBRACING ME AFTER WE SLEPT TOGETHER!"  Sans made a choking sound.

"WAIT NO THAT CAME OUT WRONG-"

"you fucked?!"  You broke into laughter once more, unbelieving the misinterpretation of the situation and loving every minute of it. ''NO NO THATS NOT WHAT-I JUST MADE HER SLEEP WITH ME WHEN SHE WANTED TO SLEEP WITH YOU!'' Sans made a choking sound. You wanted to fuck him? ...Holy SHIT....No wonder you jumped him earlier, claiming to only want his jacket. ''she wants to what with me?'' ''NO NO SHE PROBABLY WANTED TO SLEEP WITH THE BOTH OF US!'' ''she wants a threesome?!'' How kinky were you?! ''NOOO! SHE THINKS SLEEPING TOGETHER MEANS HAVING A SLEEPOVER!!!'' Silence filled the room because Sans finally understood and you laughed so hard that you passed out from lack of oxygen. Papyrus promptly got off the bed to awkwardly stand besde Sans, relieved. ''....so you didn't fuck?'' ''FOR THE LAST TIME YES!''


	6. Not What It Looks Like: Sans

You were currently laying on the couch, your body upside down with your legs propped up onto the head seats. You puffed strands of your hair that fell onto your face as you idly stared up at the ceiling, your whole body numb with boredom. Flowey was in a pot by the windowsill, reading one of the Transformers comics in your backpack with-though he would never admit it aloud-extreme interest. Or taking a nap. Honestly, you couldn't tell with that magazine over him as he moved slightly. Papyrus, thoroughly scandalized from this morning's early mishap, had quickly left to get more supplies for lunch.

That left you and Sans on the couch, Sans watching you in bemusement as you laid in that questionable position. You let out a groan, so bored that you were sure you would die.

So what was left to do? Pester Sans, of course!

"Sans....Sans....Sansss..."

"huh?" He raised a bony ridge.

"Im bored."

He chuckled, stuffing his hands into his pockets. "hi bored, ah'm Sans."

"Har har har." You roll your eyes. "Why don't we go do something. You know, not boring and lazy?"

"well maybe ya could've left mah bro alone this mornin' an' he would've taken ya with him to tha store." He grumbled, his grin shifting to a frown as he remembered the intimate position he had found you and his brother in. What were you even thinking? Acting like it was the best thing in the world to have his brother on top of you.

"I didn't think of it that way." You said quietly, shifting back into a criss-crossed apple sauce position. "I mean, I thought it was a joke. I didn't even think that I was being romantic at all."

Sans stared at you incredulously. "how?" Come on-you were an adult? Didn't you know? "...out of curiosity, were ya ever in ah relationship before?"

You shook your head. "No. I've never been into that romantic or sexual stuff. I didn't know that how Papyrus and I acted was what couples did. I'm sorry if I offended either of you."

Stars. Sans stared at you in disbelief. How had someone like you survived life this long?!

"okay. so this means that if ah guy-or gal, i guess-puts the moves on you, ya wouldn't even know it 'til it's too late, huh?"

You frowned. "What? No-I know what flirting is."

"really?" His voice dripped with sarcasm. "okay then. riddle me this: if ah guy gives ya an outfit-or some really, really nice clothes that people don't normally give ya, what does that mean?"

You brightened up immediately. "Oh! I know! It means that he's really nice and I should get him a gift, too!"

"errr!" Sans made an alarm buzzing sound. "wrong answer. it means that he wants to undress ya."

"Why would he do that?" You were puzzled. "I mean, I can take off my clothes myself. I don't need any help."

Fuck. You really did need his help. "don't think about it too much or you'll hurt yourself. next: if a guy pins ya down-to the floor, to the wall, bed, whatever-what does that mean?"

"He wants to wrestle." You grinned, cracking your knuckles for emphasis.

"no! it means he wants to fuck you!" You glared at Sans.

"No it doesn't! It means you want to wrestle! I used to do that all the time with my friends in school."

"really?" You let out a surprise oomf! When Sans suddenly lunged, pinning your wrists above your head with his magic as his arms caged you in on both sides of your head. "so ya mean to tell me that this-" he breathed out, sockets narrowed as he leered down at you in a mix of anger and sarcasm. "-isn't sexual at all?" But then they softened and he laid his body down on top of yours gently. You were vaguely aware that his pelvis was pressed against yours as he was positioned between your legs. "this don't make ya feel anythin' at all, doll?"

You tried to talk, but your mouth was dry for some reason. Huh. You thought you drank plenty water earlier. And your face, too-it felt warmer than normal. A-and...weird. There was a weird feeling down your heat....Why was Sans looking at you like this again?

"I-I...I don't? S-Sans....I'm confused...." His sockets widened in surprise. "...I feel kinda funny...I don't understand...What does a guy mean if he does this?..." His cheekbones flushed slightly at how you trusted him, not struggling from the bonds as you looked up at him with innocent eyes and pink cheeks.

Stars, you made him feel funny, too. But unlike you, he knew what that 'funny' meant.

He leaned in close to your neck and slowly, softly, pressed a kiss just below your ear. "if ah guy kisses ya 'ere, it means he cares about ya." You shivered as his breath blew into your ear as he spoke, a shiver of another weird sensation slid down from your belly to your heat.

Sans sat back up to gently hold your face in his hands, his thumbs idly tracing the corners of your lips with an almost hungry look. "when a guy holds ya an' looks at ya like this, he...he doesn't understand how ya make 'im feel...how yer SOUL seems to call to 'is an....an..."

"Sans?" You asked, feeling his hands beginning to quiver as his eye-lights turned a bright red. "Are you okay?"

It was as if he was snapped out of whatever trance he was in and he scooted over to the end of the couch, his face burning red. The magical red binds around your wrists vanished and you sat up, pressing your legs together. "geez! I-no! just-just leave me alone for awhile..."

You stared at him for a moment. That funny feeling you got...was that arousal? But you've never felt it before, despite having been in that position many times. But with Sans...

You slowly made your way over to Sans, who noticed you coming and scrambled to move as far away from you as he could. His back hit the seat and he leaned back. "wha-ey, y/n what're you-?" His protests quieted when you sat on his lap and placed your hands on his chest.

"Sans? Do I make you feel funny?"

Sans's eyes widened as he looked into your serious face. "I-"

"I think you aroused me. Do I do that to you? To Papyrus?" You moved forward to cradle his face in your hands and lightly rest your forehead against his. "Is that....is that bad?"

"no." He breathed, giving a small sigh. "but you're too dense and inexperienced to even know how to react, huh?"

You remained silent as Sans chuckled. "'S kinda funny. I like ya, but ah'm not sure what kind. an' ya don' even know what to feel."

"So this isn't... What I know, don't you feel this way with people you love?" Sans shook his head.

"ya feel this when there's a physical attraction. typically people rage love each other feel it, but right now....this ain't love, doll. what I'm wondering is-what're you gonna do about it?"

You blinked, your brows furrowing in confusion for a moment before you closed your eyes halfway. Your cheeks burned as you gave out a little whisper. "How do I know if a guy loves me?"

Sans's specters turned to a deep red. "when he kisses you."

"And what if I kiss him?"

"....then only you would know, huh?"

You slowly moved in, feeling Sans's arms slide around your waist. Your lips was an inch away from his mouth when the door opened, Papyrus dashing in with a joyous expression on his face.

"Y/N! SANS! I AM MORE THAN PLEASED TO ANNOUNCE THAT I WAS ABLE TO OBTAIN THE NECESSARY INGREDIENTS FOR THE PERFECT SPAGHETTI CARBONARA DISH AND-WHAT THE FRICK FRACK DIDDLY DACK PATTY WACK SNICK SNACK CRACK PACK SLACK MACK QUARTERBACK CRACKERJACK BIOFEEDBACK BACK TRACK THUMBTACK SIDETRACK TIC TAC ARE YOU DOING, SANS?!"

You had fallen off of the couch in surprise as Papyrus had come in and taken Sans down with you. However, the short skeleton had ended up landing on your chest and remained stock still, steam coming out from his skull. Papyrus stalked over and peeled his brother off of you, tossing him to the couch and cradling you into his arms.

"STARS, HUMAN. ARE YOU ALRIGHT? DID MY BROTHER TOUCH YOU IN ANY WAY YOU DID NOT WANT?"

You blushed, shyly looking away as he gazed at you with concern. "No...I...I think I liked it. Um, can you put me down now please?"

"BROTHER I AM GOING TO MAKE DINNER." Papyrus said, taking you into the kitchen-still being carried-while Sans frowned on the couch. "DO TRY AND COMPOSE YOURSELF UNTIL THEN."

"way to cockblock ya own bro, boss!" Sans complained, huffing as he crossed his arms. Flowey snickered from the pot and Sans whirled on him, a red bone floating in the air beside him threateningly. "the fuck you say bitch?"

"The gate to the bone zone is closed. Please come again never." Flowey chortled, his leaves rustling with laughter.

"if she didn't care about ya so much you'd be dead where you stand."

"Ooh I'm shaking in my roots." Though he did make sure he was ready to scream for you if he needed to.


	7. Enter: Waterfall

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy New Year everyone and I hope you enjoy the latest chapter. Trust me, this is part 1-part 2 is guaranteed to have you undyn-Ing with laughter!

Moments after the little 'incident' between you and Sans, Papyrus had deemed it necessary to maintain a constant surveillance over you to reassure himself that you were 'safe' from his brother. Your stomach had rumbled shortly after-you wanted food more than you needed it, but Papyrus insisted on gracing you with his 'exquisite culinary perfections'. He had begun to prepare lunch for the three of you when he accidentally spilled marinara sauce all over himself. Apparently, he couldn't get the bottle to open and tried shaking it, only for the contents to unceremoniously splatter themselves across his ragged shirt.

"DAMN IT! AND IT WAS NEW TOO!"

"Somebody say Mew 2?" You piped up curiously as you peeked into the kitchen and whistled as you took Papyrus in. "Wow. That's a whole lot of tomato sauce."

"I KNOW." Papyrus grumbled unhappily as he began to wipe the sauce off of him. "FUCK I THINK IT'S STAINED. ERGH." He stalked into the living room with you behind, where Sans was lazing on the couch and Flowey remained perched on the windowsill. "No but really, did you say Mew 2? I never thought to check but your house could be a PokeStop." Did Pokemon Go have Mew 2?

....They totally should if they didn't.

"NO, I SAID-NEVERMIND. SANS!"

"yeah boss?"

"I HAVE TO CHANGE MY CLOTHES. DON'T SEXUALLY HARASS Y/N. YOU, FLOWER-"

"-Uh, it's Flowey."

"-RIGHT. YOU'RE IN CHARGE. KEEP AN EYE ON THEM WHILE I'M GONE." Flowey and Sans stared at Papyrus with surprise and incredulity, though Sans seemed more resentful whereas Flowey was beginning to dawn a mischievous smirk.

"what, seriously?" Sans scoffed. "yer leavin' the flower in charge?"

"BECAUSE YOU'RE FAR TOO LECHEROUS AND LAZY. AND Y/N IS..." Papyrus trailed off as everyone turned themselves to watch you. You had tilted your head back to balance a silver spoon that came out of nowhere on the tip of your nose.

"Check it, guys! It's standing!"

"...Y/N...SO THAT LEAVES THE FLOWER."

Sans angrily stuffed his hands into his jackets pockets as Papyrus went to his room with a last call over his shoulder of 'BEHAVE!'. "so not fair."

"Well he did have a point there." You conceded and put the spoon into your pocket.

Sans frowned at you. "what point?"

"I dunno." You shrugged. "But I'm sure there was one in there somewhere."

"AAAAND this is why I'm in charge." Flowey quipped.

"can it short stack."

"Make me Skel."*

"Okay you two," you quickly got between the monsters, "let's not fight. Oh, I know! Let's play a game!" You clapped your hands together in excitement. "Like Cards, Charades, or-ooh! We can watch movies!"

"I don't think anyone takes that long to change."

Your shoulders slumped. "It would've been fun though..." Sans chuckled at your pout and patted your shoulder comfortingly.

"ey ease up there doll. we can play ah game if that's what ya really want." He cursed his inability to control his autonomous bodily functions when you stared at him with bright sparkles in your eyes and his face erupted into a red blush.

"Thank you Sans!" You happily hugged the small skeleton, inadvertently sending the startled bae to get his face buried in your assets. "It's always a lot of fun to play with friends!"

Flowey made a gagging sound and gestured with one leaf stalk. "Get a room!"

"ya shaddup." Sans had to admit you felt really...nice. Your body was soft and felt smooth and serene against his hard bones as he was pressed up against you. He wrapped his arms around your waist so he could nuzzle closer to you and inhale your scent.

Strawberries and bubblegum...heh. Weirdly enough, it suited you. And damn did it smell good. Your presence filled his senses so all he touch was your sweet, loving embrace. Inhale your intoxicating scent. See your dazzling eyes and wide, happy smile. Hear the lilting echoes of your loud laughter. And...A primal hungry began to fill him and his mouth watered. How would a sweetheart like you taste all hot and bothered, hm?

"y/n..." For some reason, you felt your face flush as Sans moved down to your stomach and kissed it, partially lifting up your shirt to do so. "Uh, S-Sans? What're you doing?" That was an awfully weird place to kiss someone. Especially like...that.

"shh baby," he purred, his left eye lighting up. "sansy's gonna take real gold care of y-ow!" Sans withdrew from you to clutch his skull.

"Apologies to any and all perverts, but there will be no shagging today."

He whirled to face Flowey, who had several Friendliness Pellets surrounding him. "are ya fuckin' serious ya lil-"

"No harassment, remember?"

"i was not harassing her. y/n, was i harassing you?"

"I don't think so?" To be honest, you had no idea what Sans was doing. Sans brightened and turned to face Flowey with a triumphant grin. "see? she agrees with me herself."

Flowey rolled his eyes(?) and sighed. "Whatever. Okay. How about we pretend that you never kissed her weird or got on top of her earlier and go play a game or something. Anything you have in mind Y/n?" You blinked in surprise when you heard your name being called and found Sans and Flowey watching you expectantly. An awkward silence passed.

"What're we taking about?"

Flowey resisted the urge to strangle himself while Sans deadpanned. "You know what? Just try and forget any and all moments Sans was being a creep okay?"

"Okay!" Your happy expression became neutral as your eyes dulled, your whole body becoming completely motionless. The two monsters gaped at you as you stood up again seconds later as though nothing transpired. "Huh? What were we talking about?"

"Did you...did you just erase the memory from your mind?" Flowey enunciated slowly in utter disbelief. Sans's eye sockets widened in shock and he quickly grabbed your shoulders and gently shook you. A rising panic began to fill him as he realized that a) someone as weird as you would probably be able to do this and b) there goes any and all chances for a possible budding relationship.

"w-wait, so you don't remember tha talk we had about-...?"

You tilted your head to the side. "What talk?"

"th-tha one that boss got real mad about? y-you were on me?"

"Mmm. Nope!" You smiled. "Sounds fun though. Did we wrestle?"

Sans sank to his knees in despair. Flowey and you watched as literal waves of depression rolled off of him. "...n-no....fuck...oh no."

"Oh yes!" Flowey cackled with laughter. Your gaze flickered back and forth between him and Sans in confusion. What was happening? "Damn! And I thought you were funny before. Oh relax already trash bag. Knowing Y/n, this is something right up her alley. You'll probably harass her more later anyway."

"noooo" He was in the fetal position now in the corner of the room. "our ship is sinking." He whined helplessly.

"Was it even canon to begin with?" Flowey snickered.

"I have no idea what's going on." You repeated wholeheartedly.

It was at this moment when Papyrus came back. He wore a blank jacket with a prim, red shirt and his trademark scarf to cap it all off. He still wore his black jeans and red boots, although these were a new pair.

"OKAY I'M BA-WHAT THE HECK?" Papyrus double-takes as he notices Sans 'dying' in the corner of the room. "WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU?"

"mah ship sank." He raised a boney ridge as he turned to look at you for an explanation. "SHIP?"

Your shrugged. "Don't look at me. I have no idea what's going on."

"BUT YOU'VE BEEN HERE THE ENTIRE TIME."

"I still have no idea what's going on."

Papyrus seemed to struggle for words. "O...KAY?"

While Papyrus went to snap Sans out of whatever mental breakdown he was having, an important thought crossed your mind. You went to the living room and grabbed your backpack. Slinging it across your shoulders, you left it open so Flowey could put himself back in his seat.

"I just realized something. I'd better get going on my journey again." The two brothers paused their bickering to give you incredulous looks.

"WHAT?/what?"

You smiled. "It's been a lot of fun hanging out with you guys, but I have to continue my journey to Asgore's castle. I think from here, the next stop is Waterfall." Turns out that Undyne lady lived in Waterfall, not Hotland. Boy you sure sucked at directions.

"BUT-YOU CAN'T LEAVE YET!" Papyrus grabbed your shoulders. "YOU'LL BE EATEN ALIVE FASTER THAN WE CAN BLINK!"

"Come on, you guys don't eat humans. You're too nice." You smiled obliviously. The brothers shared a look. So you hadn't met the Vegetoids then.

"we're worried-"

"I AM NOT! I COULD CARE LESS WHAT YOU DO, HUMAN!"

"-right-ah'm worried that ya can't really...defend? yeah, that's the word-defend ya self out there. so maybe it's best if ya stayed-"

"You want to see if I'm strong?" You frowned thoughtfully before brightening with an idea. "I know! Why don't I battle the two of you?"

"EH/!"

"Yeah! So if I do need to become stronger I can stay here for a few more days and you both can train me. Or if I beat you, I can continue on my journey. Either way, you both wouldn't have to worry about me."

A stunned moment of silence passed as the skeletons gawked at you.

"THAT...IS ACTUALLY QUITE CLEVER..."

"who the fuck are ya and what did ya do to y/n?"

"I'm still here Sans. Did you want a hug?" The poor skelebae looked anxious.

"nah ah'm good. boss, yer the tough one. d'ya wanna challenge her?"

Papyrus straightened and stalked out the house, you and Sans trekking close behind him to enter a little ways beyond the snowy back of their house. "HUMAN! IN ORDER TO PROVE YOURSELF FIT FOR SURVIVAL, YOU MUST SUCCESSFULLY SOLVE MY PUZZLES!"

"Puzzles are fun!" You giggled. Sans teleported himself to stand by Papyrus and shoved his hands in his pockets to watch.

Papyrus threw a bunch of light blue orbs into his maze. You watched as they light up, forming some kind of pattern. "Y/N, YOU MUST PASS BY THE ELECTRIC ORBS."

"That's easy!"

Papyrus smirked. "WHILE DODGING MY BONES THE ENTIRE TIME!"

"Oh okay. Wait what? Eeyah!" You jumped to the side just as a red bone pierced itself into the snow where you had stood only seconds ago. Damn, Pap. Your face changed to a serious expression as you proceeded to move out of the way of incoming bones, your eyes scanning every nook and cranny of the electric orbs and their positions.

Meanwhile, Papyrus was questioning your capabilities. "YOU MUST BE INTELLIGENT AND AGILE, WITH EXCELLENT ENDURANCE-"

"ya sound like you're talking about 'ow good she is in bed."

"-AND-WHAT THE FUCK SANS NO IM NOT WHY WOULD YOU SAY THAT?!"

"'excellent endurance' ring a bell?"

Papyrus...wow, he was blushing??

"AGAIN, I WAS SPEAKING IN TERMS OF HER ABILITY TO SURVIVE-"

"Done!" The skelebros jumped as you had suddenly appeared behind them.

"WHAT? BUT-HOW-? Oh. AH. CLEVER." Papyrus noted that you had deactivated all the electric orbs by catching one of the flurries of red bones and throwing it at an orb, causing the entire electrical maze to put itself out and cease the onslaught of the bones. "YOU ARE PROVING TO BE RATHER ASTUTE FOR SOMEONE SO DENSE."

"ya know ya could o' just solved the maze an' walked 'round the red bones, right?" Sans eyed you passively.

"But that was more fun!" You grinned. "So I can go now?"

"I-NO!" Papyrus quickly marched inside the house. He returned seconds later with your backpack. "WHILE YOU HAVE PROVEN CAPABLE OF SURVIVAL, YOU WILL NEED SUPPLIES GUARANTEE IT. YOU HUMANS ARE SUCH FRAGILE THINGS." You gratefully took your backpack and swung it around your shoulders.

"Thanks Papyrus. Flowey, you there?" The golden sunflower popped his head out with a yawn.

"Present peeved and punctual." He replied.

"Awesome." You wrapped your arms around the skeletons in a large hug, surprising them both. "Thank you for letting me stay with you, and for sparing my life." You parted from the embrace to respectfully bow. "I know I can be a handful sometimes, but you put up with me. So, thank you, and I promise that as your friend I will go to Asgore and break the barrier. Don't worry about me, okay?"

How did you do that? How did you got from ditzy, happy-go-lucky-near-stupid to deep and empathetic?

"YOU...ARE WELCOME." Papyrus coughed into his hand as he gestured to your phone. "YOU HAVE OUR NUMBERS. CONTACT US ANYTIME YOU DEEM NECESSARY."

"I will." You turned and started forward, looking back to send a parting wave to the skeletons. "Bye Papyrus! Bye Sans!"

"...GOODBYE." They watched as you disappeared from their line of sight. They may have also been paying unnecessary attention to the sway of your hips, but that was an unconscious action.

Papyrus voiced his concerns with a troubled frown. "I'M WORRIED. SHE IS NAÏVE AND BRASH. WHY, I BET SHE'S GOING TO BE KIDNAPPED WITHIN THE NEXT FIVE MINUTES."

Sans nodded in agreement. "yeah. she'll be dead where she stands sooner or later." A silence passed. "...wanna tail her?"

The skelebros jumped at the sound of your startled yell, followed by the uproarious howls of what sounded like Dogamy and Dogaressa.

"WE'D BETTER."

  
"Wow. Not even five minutes and you get your stupid ass in danger." Flowey groaned while you tried to outrun two dog monsters, who had smelled your scent and were now pumped up to kill you. Brutally. With battle axes. While they nose kissed. Honestly, you'd be laughing at these details of the situation if you wereN'T ABOUT TO DIE.

"I'm sorry I can't help it!" You dashed to the side just as a battle axe swung down, slashing through the snowy spot you once stood in. "Holy frick, what's up with them?"

Flowey tightly held onto your shoulder strap as he spoke up. "Dogamy and Dogaressa are members of the Royal Guard. Since they're here, I'm guessing this is their area of patrol and you happened to be the unlucky bitch to walk in."

"They're dogs-and a cute couple! Maybe we could negotiate?" The axe came down again, this time lightly scratching your zipper off your pants as it barely broke the seams of your clothes. You never thought you'd praise whatever holy entities there were for keeping your reproductive organs inside of your body. "That's a no."

"Well look around! Maybe there's an escape route." Flowey hissed.

You thought carefully as you dodged the couples' attacks. Maneuverability was difficult considering this mud under the snow-wait a minute. "Flowey that's it!"

"What's it?"

"The answer to our problem."

"We have a lot of problems. Which one are you referring to at the moment?"

"I'm going to roll around in the mud and then stand completely still so they can smell me."

"What is wrong with you what good will that do?!"

"Just trust me," you soothed. You launched yourself onto the ground and rolled, getting yourself covered in as much mud as you could. You then slowly stood back up and remained motionless. Dogamy and Dogaressa stopped, sniffing the air curiously.

"You...smell like-"

"-A puppy!" You let them get close enough to you do that you could reach your arms out and let them, softly stroking their fur in repetitive pats.

Dogaressa gasped. She turned to Dogamy. "Dogs can pet other dogs?!"

"Thank you, strange puppy! You have opened a whole new world for us!" Dogamy chimed in. He took Dogaressa's paw in his and they both skipped off, heading out of your line of sight.

"...That worked?" Flowey poked himself. Nope, not dead. So how-?

"Dogamy and Dogaressa didn't recognize my scent because I'm a human, so they assumed I was a threat and tried to eliminate me. However, when I rolled in the mud, my human scent was indiscernible to their familiar surroundings. Hence, I was no longer an unidentifiable danger, but a strange puppy."

Flowey gaped at you. He soon sighed despondently. "Why can't you be this smart all the time?" You giggled and pet his head comfortingly. "It'll be fine." You tugged at your clothes. "I could go for a shower though."

Flowey sniffed and gagged. "More like you need one. Don't worry-there's a lot of rivers in Waterfall. If we continue forward, we should get there in no time. You can clean yourself up there."

"Great! Let's get to it then." You chirped. While the glistening snow provided a beautiful scenery, you were more than happy to leave Snowdin. Your muddy t-shirt and shorts weren't exactly the best clothes to wear for snowy weather. Wandering around, you eventually came to a path of rocks, leading from the snow to a more aqua environment. "Is this the way to Waterfall?"

"Looks like it," Flowey confirmed. "Now, to cross over, let's make sure we don't do anything stupid."

"I wanna jump over it," You interjected.

"And-What did I just say?!"

"Oh relax," you crouched into a jumping stance "it's only a little jump."

"And what if you fall in? All your stuff in here-and your clothes-are going to get wet. Don't humans get sick from being wet and cold?"

"Hm. Good idea." You slid your backpack off of you and held both shoulder straps in one hand. Flowey eyed you, disbelieving.

"Y/n, what are you-wait no-!"

"See you on the other side Flowey!" You tossed the backpack over the rock path, sending it soaring over the air with a screaming Flowey over and onto the other side, where he crashed down onto a moss bed. He groaned, swaying from side to side as he straightened himself up again.

"Y/n I swear-ow-if Asgore doesn't kill you I fucking will."

"No you won't." You stated matter of factly before leaping to the moss bed. And you would've made it, too-

-SPLAT!

-if you hadn't slipped and fallen in the water. Luckily, the water was shallow. You blew air bubbles in front of you as you surfaced and slowly waved your arms in front of you. “The water’s so nice and cool. Do you want to come in Flowey?” He shook his head.

  
“I think I'll stay here.” He stiffened, staring off at something in the far distance behind you. A low, mischievous smirk crossed his face and he tilted his head towards you. Hey, y/n?”

  
“Yeah?”

  
“Didn't you say you wanted to clean the mud off when we reached Waterfall?”

  
“Oh yeah!” You crossed your arms and held the hem of your shirt. “‘Kay. Flowey, would you turn around please? Thanks!”

  
“No problem.” Flowey took out one of your bars and idly munched it with his back turned to you. He carefully listened as you began to take your shirt and pants off, scrubbing the mud off of you and your clothes.

  
“Flowey, would you hand me a towel? I think I left it somewhere behind the pads.” Flowey rummaged through your belongings until he found said item. He extended his vines so that he held the towel in front of you.

  
“Thanks!” Stepping out of the water, you dried yourself off. “Now could you look for another pair of bra and panties? I'm not sure if I have an extra shirt or pants though…”

  
Flowey shuddered. “You are SO lucky I'm not a creepy pervert.” Unlike some unexpected visitors. “And yeah-it looks like Papyrus packed you a sweater and pants.”

  
“Really? That's so nice! Remind me to call him later to say thank you.”

  
Flowey placed the clothes on a rock beside you before turning ball around to grant you privacy. “Hurry up and change-Undyne patrols here around this time.”

  
“Alright just give me a sec.” You managed to remove your soggy undergarments with minor difficulty. However, merely seconds after a loud exclamation was heard, causing you to jump in surprise and Flowey to grin to himself.

  
Gotcha.

  
“What was that?” Flowey chuckled absentmindedly. “Oh nothing. Just get dressed. Staring at this wall here is as boring as it sounds.”

  
“Okay.”

 

  
Sans clamped a bony hand across his brother’s mouth with an urgent hiss. “sh bro they'll hear us!”

  
“B-BUT SHE-AND NO CL-”

  
Sans drooled. “oh yeah, I know-ow!” Papyrus whacked the daydreaming punster upside the skull.

  
“W-WE FOLLOWED THEM TO MAKE SURE Y/N WILL BE SAFE, NOT TO OGLE HER WHILE SHE BATHES!”

  
Sans scowled grumpily. “yeah yeah, ah know.” He looked back at you and blushed. “huh. you-you packed my sweater for her?”

  
“YES. YOUR SHIRTS ARE SMALL ENOUGH TO MAKE UP FOR THE WIDENESS. WHY DO YOU ASK?”

  
“she’s wearing it.”

  
“THAT’S NI-WAIT, WHAT?” Papyrus joined Sans in his spot by the bushes and peered through the opening. And sure enough, you had dawned Sans’s red turtleneck sweater and cupped up the bottoms of his own black pants. He couldn't help but redden at the realization that you were wearing his-or at least one of the items-of his clothes. “O-OH. THAT’S-THAT’S GOOD. IT EMPHASIZES HER CURVES QUITE NICELY.”

  
Sans sighed wistfully. “I wish i was that sweater-ow! would you stop hitting me when I'm trying to crouch?!”

  
“THEN STOP BEING A PERVERT. OR SAY YOUR THOUGHTS OUT LOUD.”

  
“yes boss.” Sans grumbled unhappily.

 

  
Meanwhile, you had reached an intersection in the strange chamber of rooms. You hummed thoughtfully as you read the signs on the walls. One talked about monster funerals, and the other was about boss monsters.

  
“So you guys turn to dust?” Flowey nodded. “Yeah-but you're not even considering Genocide as an option, so I wouldn't worry too much about it.”

  
“...what?”

  
“Nothing. Let's go. Oh, and watch your feet.” Flowey nodded up ahead. “Eventually, the floor’s going to become really soft. When that happens, you’ll fall through a hole that leads to the Dumps.”

  
“Got it,” you nodded soberly.

  
“...You completely disregarded everything I said, didn't you?”

  
“Do you want me to answer that honestly or-?”

  
Flowey sighed. “Never mind.” You both continued to walk through the tunnel until you saw that yes, it was somehow raining in the Underground and two, that there was a crate of umbrellas. Handy!

  
You grabbed an umbrella and opened it, providing you and Flowey protection from the rain. As you moved forward, you saw a strange horned statue being drenched in rain. You didn't know if it was the shape of the idol, or the mere presence of it, but something compelled you to go back and grab an extra umbrella to cover it. Throughout the entire time you did this Flowey remained unusually silent. Once you passed the statue, you questioned the little flower. “Everything okay?”

  
“...Yes...Just...Some memories…” He frowned. “Like...shadows of emotions….not quite a SOUL, but close…”

  
You gently stroked his petals and he sighed. “Don't worry about it. I promise that everything’s going to be alright. Whatever’s bothering you is just a thought-something that doesn't exist because it's a figment of your imagination. It won't actually harm you unless you let it continue to do so.”

  
Flowey leaned into your touch, heaving a tired sigh when you stopped and resumed walking. “Y/n?”

  
“Yes?”

  
“...You're weird.”

  
“And proud of it!” You chuckled.

  
“...And I'm maybe kinda sorta glad that you're my friend.” You suddenly stopped, turning your head to stare at the now shy flower in bewilderment.

  
“What-aw!” You beamed and quickly nuzzles your cheek against his flower face. “You do care about me!”

  
Flowey fruitlessly struggled to push you away with his leaf stalks. “I take it back-you're an annoying, suicidal idiot!”

  
“Aw, I love you too!”

  
“Y/n fu-watch out!” Flowey warned you, but too late. A yellow and orange-brown blur crashed into you, sending you both falling into your butts in opposing directions. You stood up rubbed your sore ass. “Ow...what was that?”

  
The blur that collided with you was a small monster with no arms. He fiercely glared up at you and jumped onto his feet. “H-hey! Watch where you're going you big jerk!” Though he seemed to be in a rage, you noticed a few years beginning to well up in his eyes. You held up your hands.

  
“Calm down, I didn't mean-oh my goodness!” You crouched down and gently took his face in your hands, greatly surprising the small monster. “Your eye is bruised and swollen. Are you okay? Do you need help? I think I have some ointment somewhere in my backpack.”

  
He shook his head out of your hands and snarled. “N-no! I-I don't need your stinkin’ help b-because it's all your fault my eye got hurt and a-and-”. He suddenly broke down, sinking into his knees as tears helplessly poured out of his eyes. “-I-it really hurts!” He cried.

  
“Sh sh, there there.” You sat down and gently pulled him into a one arm hug, using the other to slide your backpack off and take out your soothing cream and Batman band aid to take care of his black eye. “It's going to get all better now. See? No more pain, right?” You softly smiled as you gently stroked the top of his cute, spiky little head.

  
The small monster sniffed, slowly nodding. “Y-yeah. B-but that doesn't mean I like you!” He suddenly jumped out of your embrace to proudly stand. “I am Monster Kid, and someday, I'm going to become Undyne’s apprentice!”

  
Undyne...That sounded familiar...oh yeah! She's Papyrus’s friend, and a member of the Royal Guard. “That's awesome! Why do want to become her apprentice Mr.-?”

  
“I'm Monster Kid!” Huh. First Flowey, now Monster Kid. Did all monsters have such bad names?

  
“And I'm Y/n.”

  
“Yeah yeah. So anyway, I wanna become super cool like Undyne one day, so I can beat up all the bad guy humans when we return to the surface!”

  
“But not all humans or bad.” His eyes widened in surprise. “Huh? How do you know?”

  
“You can't judge an entire race based on one person. Just like how you can't judge all monsters by one certain monster.” M.K. tilted his head.

  
“How do you know that Y/n?”

  
“Because I'm a human.” He gasped, hopping around in circles and gaping up at you. “No way! A human! An actual human!” His eyes light up and he grinned at you. “So cool!”

  
“Yep.” He bumped his head against you, hitting your stomach. He grinned proudly. “And now, I have captured you, human!”

  
“Aw!” You swooped down and cradled Monster Kid in your arms. “You're so cute!” Your eyes gleamed with stars. “You are now officially my cinnamon roll child!” Flowey and Monster Kid sweated.

  
“Uh yo, I already have a mom.” You puffed your cheeks and grumpily set him down. Damnit.

  
“Oh okay. Well, it was nice meeting you Monster Kid. If I ever run into Undyne, I promise that in going to tell her all about how you were super cool and captured me.” He hopped around with excitement.

  
“Awesome!!! I've gotta go tell my parents! See ya human!”

  
“Bye M.K.!”

  
You hummed to Flowey whilst continuing your trek into a dark cave. “He was cute. But I'm going to need to have a cinnamon roll child now. Any ideas?”

  
“No and please watch where you're going.” He had a right to be cautious-the tunnel was now dimly lit, the only source of light coming from glowing, blue flowers and bioluminescent mushrooms.

  
“These flowers are so pretty!” You smiled and knelt down to softly stroke its petals.

  
“That's an Echo Flower. You tell them something and they'll repeat.”

  
“So it's like a parrot. Oh oh, I know what I want it to say!” You whispered something to the flower and stood expectantly. “Hey Flowey, Echo has something to say to you!”

  
Flowey rolled his eyes and sighed. “Fine. What did she tell ya?” He waited. The blue flower shook and then spoke in a soft, melodious voice.

  
“My anaconda don't, my anaconda don’t, my anaconda don't want none unless you got buns hon!” You laughed uproariously, falling onto your side while Flowey fumed inside your backpack.

  
“Y/N ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS RIGHT NOW?!”

  
“B-boy you named Troy-”

  
“I WILL SHOVE FRIENDLINESS PELLETS UP YOUR SORRY ASS YOU STUPID MEME!”

  
“What, should I make it say ‘Fuck her right in the pus-”

  
“NO!”

  
It took several minutes for you to calm down enough to resume your trek. You caught a few signs in the corner of our eyes and slowed down to read them.   
Flowey observed how your happy-go-lucky expression shifted to the serious, calculating look you had in rare moments. But as soon as it was there it was gone, and you hummed the tune of John Henry as you continued on. “So what do you think?”

  
“About what?” You pushed the mushrooms to light up paths out of the cave. Well, at least you thought they were.

  
“The war. You understand how determined the monsters are to be free? We've been waiting for so long, for countless centuries, that they-that we-would do anything and everything to get out of here.”

  
“So?” Ooh, this one made a funny singling sound.

  
“What do you mean, ‘so?!’ You're going to die the longer you stay-and your ‘Friendship’ with monsters is going to do jack to save you!” You stiffened, title ting your head in all directions. Something felt off about this place.

  
You tried to make him quiet a moment. “Flowey, calm Dow-”

  
“No! You think you can do these things but you just can't Chara!” He yelled, causing the both of you to pause and stare at one another in utter bewilderment.

  
“Flowey, what-ah!” You jumped just in time as spears suddenly surged out from the ground, nearly piercing through you in the process. You bolted, desperately trying to find a way out as spears kept popping out and almost killing you. You heard heavy, metallic footsteps approaching as you ran. “Flowey do you see a way out of here?!”

  
He hung onto you for dear life, viciously shaking his head. “No! This is a dead end-lookout!” You dodged a spear zooming past your right side. You stumbled, falling to the floor. “Y/n!”

  
You winced in pain. Propping yourself up on your elbows, you looked up to see a giant, looming knight with shadows cast all over them. They raised an arm, spear poised and cackling with magic. Twigs snapped underneath you as you desperately scrambled backward. There was no way out. What were you gonna do what were you gonna do?! Think y/n, think!

  
“Y/n, the hole! Look for the hole!” That's right! You zigzagged out of the way as the knight slashed spears at you left and right, feeling around for some kind of soft-there!

  
“YOur end is now, human.” A distorted voice rumbled, spear swinging down to meet you-

  
-just as you summoned enough energy to push down the hole and fall, a bed of gold entering your line of vision-

  
SLAM!

  
-before you saw black.

 

  
Everything was dark. A deep, deep hue of nothing in a bottomless pit. Until a soft, yet friendly voice spoke in the abyss. “Oh dear, you've fallen down, haven't you?” A blurred white image depicted a fallen child lying in a bed of golden flowers.

  
The blurred person helped the redhead onto their feet. “My name’s-” you couldn't hear what the male said. “What's yours?”

  
You finally see the child’s face as they lift their head to give a tired grin.

  
“Chara. My name’s Chara.”

  
“Chara? That's a nice name.”

 

  
Then everything faded once more. “Y/n? Y/n are you okay?”

  
You sat up and groaned. Rubbing the back of your head you winced as you felt a budding bruise underneath strands of hair. “Yeah, I think so. Had a weird dream though. How about you?”

  
“I've been through worse.” Flowey sighed wearily and extended some of his vines to help lift you up onto your feet.

  
“Wow. Not even Frisk was that clumsy when they fell here.” You jolted and stated in shock. Sitting in a rock in front of you read the kid you saw in your dream-Chara-rolled their eyes.

  
“Who’s Frisk and how did you get here?”

  
They gaped at you. “What the-you can see me?! How?!” They couldn't gain a physical manifestation unless the human chooses Genocide, but you were going True Pacifist. So how was it that you could see and hear them?

  
Flowey spoke in a deadpan as he introduced the two of you. “Chara, meet Y/n. Her stupidity transcends the world of logic into the realm of orderly chaos and anarchy. Apparently, this has given her the strange ability to interact with you.” He turned his head to face you. “Did I miss anything?”

  
“That sounds about right.” You agreed. “Except that my spirit animal is the fluffy pink alpaca.”

  
Chara stared at you bemusedly. “..Wow…”

  
Flowey clicked his tongue. “Eyup.”

  
Chara frowned as they looked up to question you. “What does the alpaca have to do with deep moral choices?”

  
“They're 20% cuter than llamas,” you doodle seriously. Like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

  
“...Ok I'm out.” Chara threw their hands up in the air as they began to walk off. “This one is a lost cause either way.”

  
You suddenly gasped in realization. You slapped a hand to your forehead. “Wait! This is perfect!” You ran up to the child and swept them into a tight hug as they struggled to escape. “You can be my cinnamon bun child!”

  
“Y/n this is borderline disturbing. Even for you.” Flowey tsked.

 

  
Chara attempted to appeal to your logical side. After all, you were stroll an adult. So you couldn't be that unreasonable, right? “I'm centuries of years old. While my spirit is that of a child, I am technically your grandparent. So you can't adopt me and I would like you to put me down now.”

  
“Nope too late! You are officially Chara, the adopted child of Y/n L/n!”

  
Apparently not. “...Good lord.”

  
“Welcome to my world.”

  
You head to the entrance of the Dumps while attempting to carry Chara in your arms. “Heh, you're kinda heavy. Why don't you sit in my backpack with Flowey?”

  
Chara scoffed as you lifted them up to position them inside the open strap of your backpack. “Are you crazy? There's no way I can fit inside your small ass-holy FRICK.” Chara gaped as not only were they a perfect fit, but there was a lot more room in there?! “What the hell?!” They ducked down to search through your belongings. “It's bigger on the inside!”

  
“Yep. My baby here has never done my wrong in all the 15 years we've been together.”

  
“Flowey, you didn't-you didn't secretly find the love child of the Joker and Doctor Strange and put that hybrid’s soul into the body of a human adult, did you?”

  
“Nope. It's like crazy and randomonium had a baby and she's that baby.”

  
“Stars where Frisk when you need them?”

  
Their conversation was cut short when you stopped, pointing at a training dummy in front of you. “Hey guys, look! It's a dummy!”

  
“Yeah yeah that's nice-wait, dummy?” Both Chara and Flowey shared a look of dawning horror. Flowey tried to pull you away. “Y/n whatever you do don't-”

  
“Hi there!” You stared into its eyes and it suddenly scowled, shaking vehemently as cotton began to rip out from its seams.

  
“Who the fuck are you?!”

  
“Woah! You can talk?”

  
“Yeah so can you hit you aren't saying anything dipshit.” You angrily hopped from place to place.

  
“Come on now-there's a kid here-”

  
“-again, I'm technically not.”

  
“-so let's try to calm down and talk this over. Hi, I'm y/n.” You reached a hand out, only for the dummy to smack it with a -smaller dummy?

  
“I'm Mad Dummy and I don't give a fuck!”

  
You gently took off your backpack to sett Chara and Flowey down a safe distance away from the dummy. “Okay but seriously you should stop cussi-”

  
“I wasn't always a dummy!” He completely ignored you. “I was a ghost like my cousins, but I chose to in spirit this dummy while one went to stay a ghost somewhere else-Napstablook is his name I think-and the other inhabited a robot--what their name? Metta-METTER-? Mettaton!”

  
“That's nice.”

  
“No it's NOT!” You yelped as you barely missed a flurry of dummies crashing into where you previously stood. “Th-they left me all alo-well Naps stayed-b-but Metta left to fucking perform AND LEFT ME IN THIS SHITTY SACK OF GARBAGE!!!” His shaking increased and you notes how there seemed to be water welling in the poorly drawn eyes. “I-I dot. Wanna be alone-I used to like this body but you humans screwed it up!”

  
He began to launch dummies and missiles at you while you sidestepped his assaults. “I-I just want-I WANT TO-I don't wanna be alone I don't wanna be in the Underground! M-maybe if I chose a different body to inhabit M-Metta would've stayed with me and I wouldn't be alone all the time.” Hot, angry tears poured down his face as his attacks slowed. “I-I'm sorry M-Metta...Maybe if I wasn't so stupid, so brash and angry all the time, I wouldn't be alone. I hate that!! I hate it so I hate leaving, get it?! That's why I have to mess you up into a neat handkerchief so I won't be alone a-and Metta would visit me and N-Naps again!”

  
Chara and Flowey shared deadpan, disinterest looks. “Wow he sucks. What kind of saps does he take us for?” Chara questioned. “Only a complete maroon would listen to that backst-”

  
They were interrupted by whimpering sniffles. Chara and Flowey stared at you as your eyes watered, your lips trembling as you dotted your tears with a handkerchief.

  
“Y-you poor thing! No wonder you're so angry.” You hugged he dummy, startling him as you tried pat his back in comfort. “I swear to you that I will help you mend the tears in the bonds you and your cousins share so you all can find the happiness you deserve in life!” You released him to strike a pose, pumping your fist in the air with determination. “I promise that I'm going to be your friend, Mad Dummy, and lay down my love for you!”  
  
He backed away, sweating fearfully as you advanced towards him. “W-what? Y-you're supposed to be scared-the fuck!” He leaped away when you tried to wrap your arms around him in a hug. “Get the fuck away from me!”

  
Chara and Flowey pulled out two Lawn Chairs from your backpack and some popcorn as they began to enjoy the Y/n Show.

  
You chased after Mad Dummy, arms open wide as you ran after him while he screamed in terror. “Just let me love you!”

  
Chara and Flowey sweat dropped as you chased Mad Dummy all the way to Napstablook’s house. The shy ghost was pouring himself a cup of tea when Mad Dummy burst through the wall, startling the ghost. Napstablook watched as Mad Dummy ran through the kitchen and through the other wall, screaming, “no no no non no jon Jon!” While you followed close behind.

  
“Let me love y-oh hey, you must be Napstablook right?”

  
“Uh...yes?”

  
“Awesome! I promise I'm going to reunite you with your cousins and-ooh, tea!” You took the cup and gulped it down, clapping your lips together at the taste. “Mm, yummers.” An important thought occurred to you. “Say, you wouldn't happen to have a key to your house would you?”

  
“Uh yeah?” He took a key out from behind his headphones and handed it to you. “But why-?”

  
“Thanks!” You took the key and tucked it into your pocket. “Now where was I? Oh yeah.” You spread your arms out wide and resumed your mad run after Mad Dummy. “Let me love you!”

  
Napstablook blinked as he gazed in utter bewilderment at the table in front of him. Chara and Flowey popped in, with Chara carrying your backpack that Flowey was nestled in. “Sorry about that-she means well. I think.” Chara apologized on your behalf and bowed before continuing to go after you.

  
Napstablook stared at the tea in front of him when they left, then back at the holes in the wall that Mad Dummy made. Then back again. Soon after he proceeded to dump the tea. “I think I've had enough tea for today.”

  
Back to you, you had chased Mad Dummy all the way to a cave of sharp stalactites and boulders, where Chara and Flowey soon met up with you.

  
“M.D.? Where'd you go? I still need to love you!” You called out, walking around in the room as you searched for the dummy. Chara sighed and hopped back into the backpack as you swing it back on you.

  
“Congratulations, you managed to scare away the toughest, possibly one of the most insane monsters in the Underground.” Flowey drawled.

  
“I didn't-I was trying to help.”

  
“That's the least of your concerns, human.”

  
You looked up to see where the new voice had come from and saw the knight. They were perched atop a tall stalactite as they spoke to you.

  
“Seven souls. Seven souls and Asgore will become a god. We have six so far. We need seven to break the barrier. Do you understand?” The knight-whom you know knew was Undyne-demanded. “Years ago-”

  
“Are you gonna talk about the war with the monsters and humans?”

  
“-a-what?”

  
“You don't have to,” you grinned, “I already know all about it! In fact, I'm on my way to Asgore now to help him break the barrier.”

  
An awkward silence passed. “Are you...Are you fucking serious?” What wa showing on right now? “I had this super badass speech prepared, practiced it several times, edited and revised battle strategy, and now you're telling me it was all for nothing?”

  
“Yep!” She gawked at you in disbelief as you shook her hand. “So I'll just be on my way.” You began to walk away. “It was real nice meeting you and I love the hair. But I've gotta go now. Buh bye!”

  
Behind your back, Undyne gestured incredulously at you-’What the fuck is up with her?- and Chara and Flowey shrugged in response-’Your guess is as good as mine-.

  
You whistled the tune to John Henry as you made your way to the open area of Waterfall. Your face brightened when you saw Sans sitting in a stall, snoozing away. “Hi Sans!”

  
“hey y/n.” He yawned, lazily opening an eye socket to grin up at you. “water you up to?”

  
“Oh you know, I'm sailing on a wave of emotions on my journey to the castle.” He chuckled.

  
“that was horrible.”

  
“Ya? Well buckle up because-”

  
“Oh my god,” Chara popped out of the backpack to glare at you both. “Would you two get a room? All this flirting is making me sick.”

  
“Right! Sans, this is my adopted child-”

  
“I never agreed to that.”

  
“-Chara. Chara, this is Sans.”

  
His eye sockets darkened as he forced a sharp toothed grin at the redhead. “Hey...buddy. what do ya think yer doin’?”

  
“Cruising on a boulevard of broken dreams.” They responded.

  
You sweat dropped at the tense atmosphere between the two. You cleared your throat. “So uh anyway, how is-woah!” You jumped to the side just as a spear whizzed last you. Twisting your head your eyes bugged out and you yelled, taking off with a dash as Undyne chased after you in mad pursuit.

  
“Don't think for one second that you fooled me human! I'm going to take your soul and I will not be perturbed by your bewitching good looks!”

  
“Why are you trying to kill me?! I already told you I was heading to Asgore to break the barrier!”

  
“I call bullshit!”

  
“But it's not-shit!” You skidded to a halt as a spear nearly sliced through your boob.

  
“Sans!” You desperately called out as you ran past his booth. He was-he was fucking snoozing?! No fucking way!

  
“Sans I know you're not asleep you faker! Wake up and help me!!!”

  
“Aaagh!” Undyne roared as she began to send a tornado of spears after you.

  
“SAAAANNSSS!”

  
“heheheheh.”

  
“DISHONOR ON YOU, DISHONOR ON YOUR FAMILY, AND DISHONOR ON YOUR GODDAMN PET ROCK TOO!”

"Come back here you little punk!"

"Aw hell no!  I need to get to Asgore!"

"Liar liar pants on fire!"

"Sans that's it-Papyrus is officially my favorite skeleton!"


	8. Befriending Undyne

“Sans that's it! Papyrus is officially my favorite skeleton!” Whether by pure luck or spite, your phone began to buzz in your pocket. You skidded to a halt and pulled it out. “Yello?”

“Why are you stopping?!” Flowey screamed. “Go go go go!”

“Right-sorry!” You frantically ran as you held the phone up to your ear. “City Morgue!” Might as well-at this rate, Undyne would have you deader than a nail.

“HELLO Y/N THIS IS PAPYRUS. I WANTED TO CHECK IN ON YOU AND SEE HOW YOU WERE DOING.”

You ducked as a spear darted right past you. “Oh yeah no I'm doing great! It's just that, you know, Undyne is trying to kill me!” You jumped in the air as a spear flew in between your legs.

“WHAT?! WHERE IS SANS?!” You saw a bridge up ahead-over lava?! Are you fucking serious? You internally screamed as you ran to it, flipping the bird at Sans as you zoomed by him.

“Being a dick! Anyway I'm sorry Paps but I gotta go! And if I don't make it out alive, please find a way to contact Tommy Kennedy and tell him I've always found him strangely attractive. Bye!”

“WAIT Y/N WHO IS-”. You put your phone away and held onto the rails of the bridge as you ran, forcing yourself not to look down.

“Get back here and fight-agh-fight like a warrior!”

“The floor is lava, the floor is lava, the floor is lava,” you weakly sang to yourself as you weeped. Whew, it was getting hot in here. You'd have to take off Sans’s sweater off later-it was way too hot! You peeled the backpack off of you and gently set it on the floor to not hurt Chara and Flowey.

“Get...back here...you little...shit…” you crouched and held your hands on your knees as you panted, gasping for air. You watched as Undyne wheezed and was greatly losing speed as she tried to make her way over to you. “Armor...so...hot…” She collapsed at the foot of the bridge, making a large clanging sound when she fell

Your eyes widened in horror. Was she dying?! What to do what to-water! Fish need water! You desperately looked around you and found-a water dispenser? Really? Well okay then!

“Quick, now’s your chance!” Chara pointed at Undyne as you quickly filled a cup with water. “Attack while she's-what are you doing?” They questioned as you kneeled beside Undyne.

“I'm going to use Reverse CPR!” That should totally revive her.

“What do you mea-oh my god.” Chara and Flowey watched in horrified fascination as you flipped Undyne onto her back and crawled on top of her-or the best you could, anyway; the armor was freaking huge!-and dumped the water inside your mouth. You used your hands to open Undyne’s mouth and began to fill it with water. Sliding your hands under the armor, you pumped up and down on her chest to get oxygen back into her lungs. At least, you thought she had lungs.

After a moment Undyne choked and groaned, her chest moving up and down as she breathed. Yay! You did it! You tried to get up but Undyne’s hand pushed your head back, and her lips moved against yours while her gauntlets rubbed into your waist.

Oh...wow…okay….This was not how you intended for things to go at all. Like, you weren't homophobic or anything, but you didn't know Undyne and didn't have any kinds of feelings like that so this was...awkward? You moaned as Undyne slipped her tongue inside your mouth, running the organ along your walls before twirling it playfully around yours.

...But damn could she kiss good.

Undyne flipped you over so that she was now laying on top of you, letting her hands slide up your sweater to knead your breasts. Your hips involuntarily bucked up at the action and you felt Undyne grind her hips against yours in response, moaning into your mouth. She soon parted from you with a gasp, a dreamy expression on her closed-eyed face. “Mmm…” You groaned, shivering at how.,.weird you felt.

...Why was it familiar?

“...Alphys…”. Undyne sighed and slowly opened her eye to look at you. Before her expression drastically changed. She shot up and scooted backward, a raging blush across her face as she gawked at you in horror. “Y-WHAT THE FUCK?!”

“W-wha?!” You responded.

“Y-You're not Al! Why the fuck were you kissing me?!”

“I gave you reverse CPR because I thought you were dying!” Dammit Alex Hirsch you thought you had an ally! “And YOU kissed ME!”

She scrunched her face in confusion before looking around, her eye widening in realization that she had fainted and you tried to use water-though in the stupidest way instead of dumping it on her or heck even feeding it to her-to revive her, despite how she was trying to kill you. “O-oh...I see.”

You both sat in awkward silence for awhile before Undyne stood up. She coughed bashfully into her fist and blushed as she faced you, unable to look you directly in the eyes. “So, since you-you tried to help me and-it wouldn't be fair if I fought you right after you saved me so...so I'm just gonna go and we're gonna pretend this never happened.”

“Okay.” Undyne clasped her hands together.

“Right! So...Bye!” She dashed off at the speed of light.

You turned back to Chara and Flowey. Both were blushing with embarrassed expressions. “You guys saw that?”

“Unfortunately.” Chara coughed. They handed you a shirt. “Here. Change into that and let's go and pretended this moment never happened.”

As you changed, Flowey had a thoughtful look. “Okay but like that was seriously hot. Can you find another girl and start making out agai-ow!” Chara whacked him upside the head. “Okay I'm sorry but you have to admit it kinda was!”

“Do not make me get the weed hacker,” you warned, laughing at your reference. A short distance away, you see two other Royal Guards-had to be because of the armor-blocking your way. The one with rabbit ears spoke up. “Sorry bro, but we like can't let you in.”

“Yeah bro! Exclusive for very special monsters.” The one with what appeared to be a dragon tail and ears joined.

“I see. But I have to get through-I'm trying to get to Asgore.” You explained. They laughed uproariously, the dragon monster coughing at the end.

“Sorry bro! No way we can let that happen.” You sighed and went to go sit in a boulder a little ways away from them so you could think.

“What're we gonna do? I think the castle is beyond Hotland, but I don't see any way around those Guards.” Flowey carelessly shrugged and began to read one of your magazines, idly munching on a lemon bar as he did so.

Chars perked up and slid up to grab your shoulder. “Okay, look. You said you wanted to get to the castle, right?”

“Yeah. That way, I can help Asgore break the barrier.” Chara’s expression fell.

What? You-what?

“So far, the only way to do that is if he took my soul. I don't know. But what I do know is that I have to get to him.”

Hmm...So you wanted to help all the monsters then...Perfect!

“That's great. I want to help the monsters, too. You see, humans have always hated monsters and they banished them to the Underground, right?”

“Yeah.”

“All because they are afraid. Think about it-all humans have ever done is hurt everyone and everything around them-including themselves. Humans are vile, despicable creatures that need to be punished.”

“That seems a bit extreme,” you frowned.

“Consider this: even if you did break the barrier, humans are still going to hate the monsters, right?”

Oh...You forgot about that. “Well, I guess some would.”

“They're going to hurt the monsters. Hurt your FRIENDS. And you don't want any of that, don't you?”

“Of course!”

Chara grinned. Perfect. “So the only way to truly save your friends-” they're face darkened, “is if you DESTROY them. Save them from the cruel fate of the ones abov-”. You laughed. Chara blinked in surprise. “Um, what?”

“Oh Chara! You're so silly!” You hugged them, nuzzling into their cheek. “Wanting to kill everyone to make them ghosts to be your friends forever. Clever, but not very nice.”

“What?! No! I don't-put me down!”

“Don't worry silly willy. I'm going to make sure the monsters will be okay on the Surface, and you won't ever be alone.” You swing them up into the air with a jubilant smile. “Because I'm going to be your friend forever!”

Chara stared down at you in sheer horror. “Good lord.”

“I know you don't really want to kill anyone-you're just lonely!”

“Haha, yeah Chara,” Flowey snickered. “You're just lonely.”

“Kinda like Flowey!”

“Haha ye-hey!” Now Chara smirked at the flower.

“Come on, you two!” You placed a hand on your hip and pointed towards the Royal Guards. “We are going to save all the monsters with the power of friendship, faith, trust, and determination!”

Chara resisted the urge to slap a bitch and facepalmed instead. “Damn I wish I was alive again so I could die right now.”

“Hey now, death is very bad for your health,” you chided. They deadpanned you.

“Oh wow, really?”

“Would you like some chocolate bars grumpy Guss? That always cheers me up!”

“I d-wait, seriously?” They dubiously dived in your backpack and gaped as they pulled out myriads of chocolate bars. “Okay maybe this won't be so bad,” they murmured to himself. “I can always get you to kill stuff later.”

“That's the-spirit! Wink wonk!”

“...If I don't kill myself.”

You marched up to the Royal Guards and grinned. “Hey again! I'm asking you politely to please let me in.”

“Ha! Beat it bro. Only monsters of class are allowed in here.” The dragon smirked.

“Yeah, and by the looks of your clothes bro, you look like the kind of monster that belongs in a dump.”

You gasped, offended. “How dare you sir! I will have you know that G1 is the best one. And if you won't let me pass, then you leave me no choice…”

Chara and Flowey looked on in surprise. Were you actually going to fight?

“...I challenge you both-” you stretched an arm back and reached into your backpack, rummaging through the contents to find what you were looking for. A few minutes passed and your grin fell. The Guards shared a glance before looking back at you. “...I challenge-hold on, where is it?” You slid your backpack off and stuck your head in. You held up a finger towards the guards. “One moment, please.”

You pulled out random stuff and threw then behind you, mumbling as you tried to find the things you were looking for. “No no no-not it-where are they? Damn it I need to organize this thing later.”

The Guards sweat dropped and looked to Flowey for and Chara for an explanation. They shrugged.

“Aha! Found ‘em!” You swing yourself around to reveal-

-Three sets of bongos?

“I challenge you to a bongo competition! If I win, you have to let me pass!”

They laughed but stopped when you remained the same. “Hahaha-oh….You're serious.” They looked at one another. “Well, it would make the fight, like, more interesting.” The rabbit pointed out.

“Yeah. Just look at that monster-she looks so wimpy we could totally wipe the floor with her.”

“I'm actually a human.” You put in. “That's why I want to pass.” They started.

“What-?! A human?!” They assumed battle stances and aimed their weapons in the air. “Then prepare to battle human! Should you fail this-bongo-competition, we will like take your soul!”

“Yeah!”

You gave them a thumbs up. “Okay! Ready?” You all assumed positions at your bongos. “Set-beat!” You all began to beat your bongos. R01 and R02 remained in sync as they beat to some kind of a tribal rhythm, while you went with-

“Seriously?” Chara scoffed. “Is that We Will Rock You?”

“Don't be dissin’ my music my offspring.” You beat harder as the Guards picked up speed. You began to sweat from heat, but R02 looked like he was baking in his armor. Kinda like how Undyne was before she collapsed.

“A-armor….so hot….” He groaned, his beating slowing down as he panted.

“Come on bro! We gotta beat this human!” R01 encouraged. R02 shook his head.

“:..I gotta stop...agg…” Hem peeled his chest armor off, causing you and R01 to jump in shock. At the sight of his large, muscular chest dripping with sweat you oohed, while R01 looked bothered. “B-bro!”

Your eyebrows rose in surprise and you looked from R01 to R02. A lightbulb went off in your head. You turned around to huddle with Flowy and Chara. “Guys, my gay senses are tingling-I think R01 likes R02!”

“What do you mean ‘gay senses?’” Flowey questioned.

“Oh you know, since Undyne kissed me she gave me the superpower to have a gay radar!”

“Gay people can't give you superpowers.” Chara frowned.

“Yeah they can-that's why they're awesome.”

“That's not-oh whatever. Can you kill them now?”

“Nope!” You pulled out some cool ass aviator shades and flicked them on. “I'm going to hook them up!”

“...Do you by any chance need medicine for whatever stuff you got going on, and you took a lot of it, or have you not taken any?” Chara inquired. Because that would explain so, so much.

“Nope! Now come on-let's get to work.” You turned back and walked up to R02. The guards tensed as you raised your hands, expecting an attack. Instead, R01’s jaw dropped inside his mask as you began to beat the beefcake R02’s chest like a muscular bongo.

“Wh-wha-?!”

“...Hello.” R02 spoke slowly.

  
At the same time, Sans was merrily sitting at his post, about to enjoy a hot dog with some mustard. He heard a loud exclamation in the distance and looked up, eyelights locking onto you. He saw you beat R02’s chest. A few moments passed as the sight processed itself and then he glared, sharp-toothed grin stretching uncomfortably wide as he squeezed the mustard bottle to the point where he crushed it inside his bony hand. The contents splattered all over his hot dog, though by the way he was shaking with venom, it was obvious how he didn't care.

Oh, somebody was gonna die today.

  
And back to you, you had flustered R01 while R02 just looked vaguely amused. “Wha_wha-bro…”

Chara shivered despite the warm atmosphere. “Why do I suddenly feel a murderous intent?” And it wasn't coming from them-now that was scary.

Flowy smirked knowingly and spoke confidentially, “I'll tell ya this Chara-frisky Y/n ain't friskin’ Sans.”

You laughed and used one arm to wave at the bunny guard. “Come on R01! Let's make this a rainbow Congo line! Flex those beefy muscles-”

“Did somebody say Flex?” A horse/snake Monster with a black jacket and Greaser hair suddenly appeared. “‘Cause Aaron’s got ya covered sweet thang.” He ripped his jacket open to reveal his rock hard abs. “Let's do this baby doll.”

“You got it!” You now banged on both R02 and Aaron’s chests. R02 looked at R01 and waved for him to come over. “Come on bro, let's make this a bongo chain of cool dudes!”

“I-I uh-” he yelled when R01 used his magic to pull him close. “Here bro, I'll help ya.” He peeled his friend’s chest plates off and stared, admiring his friend’s bod.

“Huh. Nice-nice bod, bro.”

R01 shyly rubbed the back of his head. “Um thanks bro.” You now beat all three of their chests in quick succession.

“Hey, R02, doesn't R01 look really hot-like, sexy hot?” He nodded.

“G-yeah…”

“R01, isn't there something you wanna tell R02?”

“Uh-uh...I-I like you like like a lot, okay?! I-I wanna stay with you forever and-and do stuff together!”

“Preach it brother!” You and Aaron cheered him on. “Confess your feelings!”

“I-I love how we bounce in attacks and our weapons move in sync together!”

“Woohoo!”

“I masturbate while thinking about you when you're not around!”

“Yeah that's the spiri-wait a minute.” That escalated quickly.

“I like totally lay awake at night thinking about all the things I wanna do to f-”. You quickly clamped your hands over Chara’s ears and loudly hummed with a red face.

“W-woah there, I'm glad that you're being honest and all but a kid? You know, one’s right here?”

“Bro...Do you, like, wanna go get some Mean Cream and fuck each other senseless afterwards?” R02 questioned.

“Hell yeah!” The two merrily went about their way, granting you free passage. You regarded Aaron curiously. “Do you need something?”

“Nah babe I just came for the flexin’.” He winked. “But if ya need me call me anytime.” And with that he slid away, somehow curling his biceps as he did so.

“Are you okay Chara? You're innocence still there?”

“What the flying fuck do you think? And for the last time I am centuries of years older than you!” They huffed, roughly throwing your hands off them.

Flowey rolled his eyes. “Chill Chara. It's not like it's your fault we're both dead-oh wait, yes it is.”

“And whose the moron who decided to absorb my SOUL?”

“I did it because you're my sib-!”

“Okay you two,” you picked Flowey up and let him slide himself around your arm like a bracelet while bending down to let Chara hop into your backpack. “Arguing isn't going to get us anywhere. Flowey, stop bothering Chara. Chara, stop antagonizing Flowey. Now before we move into, I want you both to apologize and hug it out.”

“No-!”

“Or else I will sing Cotton Eyed Joe. Nonstop. With a kazoo. And an air horn.”

They both stared at you, dumbfounded. “You wouldn't.”

You smirked- a chilling sight in your case-and suddenly pulled out a kazoo and an air horn from your backpack faster than they could blink. “Try me.”

The two sighed and Flowey scooted up to your shoulder blades to begrudgingly face Chara. “I'm sorry Chara.”

“For?” You quipped. He grumbled. “I'm sorry for saying that to you.”

“Good. Chara?”

They sighed. “I'm sorry for...for everything, Azzy. Even before now.” Flowey looked up at them in surprise. For a moment, Chara though they say his bud morph into Asriel’s face, the shy baby blue orbs staring up at them with forlorn smile. Then it was gone, and Flowey held out his leaves.

“Awkward sibling hug?” Chara regarded him but then surrendered, letting their arms slide around the flower.

“Awkward sibling hug.”

You smiled to yourself and quietly put the kazoo and air horn back inside your backpack. You have them both a minute before perkily clasping your hands together. “Okay! Who's ready to continue  
our adventure?”

“When you say adventure, do you mean suicide?” Flowey spoke as he slid back into your backpack.

“Nope, it's the marvelous misadventure of Y/n, Chara, and Flowey too,” You sang, cheerfulness a stark contrast to the depressed Flowey and Chara. “We're the three brave Fallers and we'll help you!”

“Copyright trademark.” Chara joined in. “Now can we please discuss our course of action?”

“Don't have to. ‘Cause I've got a plan.”

“Really?” Flowey quirked an eyebrow. “You have a plan?”

“Miracles do exist.” spoke an equally surprised Chara. “So what's your plan?”

“To get to Asgore and help him break the barrier while befriending all the monsters we meet on the way! Oh, also not dying. That's a big part of it.”

“I like this plan.” Flowey nodded in approval. Anyday where a dense idiot like you decided to not be suicidal was a sure fire good day for him.

“But what if the monsters don't want to be your friend? What if it comes down to their life-or yours. What would you do then, Y/n?”

“I...don't know…I mean I guess I'd have no choice but to fight. But of course I won't kill them. That's incredibly wrong.”

“Let's face it, Y/n. Unless you come up with a stellar way to combat the monsters, survive, and not kill anyone, I have to say that there's no other way for you to do it besides flirting. And from the looks of it, you have like zero experience because of the complete since you show yourself to be.”

Flowey sweat dropped as the recognized the slight change in your gait, and how the aura you gave off became...different. Like when you showed small moments of intelligence. Could this mean you were going to wise up Chara? Or would you...snap?

Chara seemed to be wondering the same thing as they waited for your response with baited breaths.

“Those who wander are not lost,” you finally said. The way your voice reflected, far deeper and sober than before made it feel like you were a different person. But you weren't.

“So what? What does that have to do with beating the monsters?”

“It means,” you turned so they could see your eyes. Chara felt a shiver coursed through them at the calculating, infinite expression that lit them up with sparks. “The path you want me to undergo is not the true path that you wish to take.”

“Wha-what?? What are you talking about? I'm just trying to help you.”

“A man with one clock reads the time, while a man with two deciphers their chime.”

They scoffed, furiously attempting to casually play off an aloof attitude to disguise the utter fear welling in their gut the longer you spoke. “You're speaking in riddles. What do you want from me, Y/n? Are you trying to tell me something?” You remained silent, resuming your walk as you faced forward. “Well go ahead! Ask anything-I won't care!”

“Chara….Something’s off here…” Flowey whispered. The aura around you was getting stronger. Where was all this power coming from? How could it possibly be you? What was going on?

“ **Do you believe that we can fight the darkness in which we drown?”** Chara gasped and clung to Flowey. This powerful aura...it was magic...And though they were staring at you, they saw a shadow’s outline of a tall, cloaked figure. Bearing a wooden staff in their hand, they lifted their head to reveal none other than your expression-with electric green eyes. As soon as it was there, it was gone.

“No way,” Flowy whispered with wide eyes. “She's….She's a descendant of the Mage who banished the monsters.”

“More like reincarnation,” Chara whispered back. “Y/n, I'm sorry, okay? I promise not to try and convince you to kill anyone anymore-well, for now at least-but please, just go back to being your-not terrifying-yet-badass-self. It's kinda sorta creeping us out here.”

Flowey and Chara waited for a moment only to hear the sound of a careless hum. They turned to we your face and saw that you were idly cleaning your ear.

“ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS?!” Chara bellowed.

“Huh?” You stopped to look at them, fully flicking the Q-tip away. “What's going on?”

“SO ALL THAT BADASS CREEPY MUMBO JUMBO AND IT WAS ALL FOR THAT?!”

You blinked in surprise and tilted your head to the side quizzically. “Ne?”

“YOU-oh my stars, I'm going to have a heart attack,” Chara whimpered, sliding back down into the backpack with a pitiful groan. “And I'm already dead.”

“I feel your pain. Literally.” Flowey joined.

“Oh come on guys! Don't despair. Look-there's a hotel and-ooh, a river. Let's go check it out.”

“Aye aye captain. “As if we have a say in the matter.” Chara grumbled despondently. You walked through the cool air, the scenery similar to when you and Flowey traversed that cave with echo flowers in Waterfall. Walking to the head of the river, you noticed that there was a small port for passengers to board a gondola-like boat. A hooded figure noted your approach and tilted its shadowed face up to you as you stood on the port.

“Tra la la lee. Where would you like to go with me?”

“Hm.” You checked your phone, reading the texts Papyrus had sent you. He wanted you to meet him in Waterfall, at a certain address. Well, you supposed a little break from your journey wouldn't hurt. You could use a moment to organize your Blackhole of a backpack anyway. “Could you take me to Waterfall please? Near here?” You help up your phone to show him the address.

The River person nodded. He turned to the front of the boat and positioned his oar to glide you three through the waters. You sat down on the built in seat of the gondola and hummed. The River person soon joined you. “Tra la la la may. What is your name?”

“I'm Y/n. And you are?”

“Tra la la marl, my name is Carl.”

“Oh. That's nice. One of the funniest characters in Jimmy Neutron was named Carl, too.” A silence passed as he hummed.

“Do you...have any advice? I mean, I'm stopping over at Waterfall, but I'll have to go back to Hotland eventually. Do you have any tips for navigating my way around there?”

The River Man (you assumed) continued to hum. Though it was a slightly tenor than before. “Tra la la la, beware the man who speaks in hands.”

“Huh?” You tilted your head to the side. “Who’s that?”

“Tra la la la, the Toothpick muncher.”

A rough, husky voice rang through the tunnels. “Fuck you, Carl!” You turned to the left to see a fading outline of a skeleton-like monster in a large trench coat, a crimson scarf around his neck as he flipped off the River Man. “You still owe me 10 G!” He said before disappearing in glittering particles.

“Tra la la la lee, and so you see missy.” Carl chuckled while you sweat dropped.

“I'm gonna be totally honest with you Carl. I was expecting a lot more. Like, I dunno. Something a bit more ominous?” The boat stopped, confirming that yes indeed you were back in Waterfall. You hopped off and rummaged through your pockets, handing Carl some chocolate coins. “Thanks for the ride! I'm sorry that this isn't actual gold, but it's all I've got at the moment.”

Carl nodded. ”Tra la la la time, it is fine.” He picked up his paddle and head off. He turned back to you to grant one last uphrase. “Tra la la la buck, I way you the best of luck.”

“Thanks Carl! Bye!” You waved while you watched the monster’s outline disappear into the shadowy waters, his low humming quieting to silence. Papyrus said he wanted to meet you at Undyne’s house. If you remembered correctly, you passed it when you were running for your life while Papyrus tried to murder you back when you meet him and Sans in Snowdin.

Ah, good times, good times.

Wandering around the tunnels, you managed to find Undyne’s fish-head house. Papyrus was standing in the doorway with his arms crossed when he heard your footsteps. He turned to stare down at you with what almost looked like a grin. “AH Y/N, YOU MADE IT! I STRONGLY SUSPECTED YOU HAD DIED DUE TO SANS’S INCOMPETENCE.” He casually remarked, disliking how the thought contradicted him by sending a worried feeling through his SOUL.

“Speaking of which, where is he?”you huffed. “I owe him a killer arm-slugger!”

He quirked an eye ridge in amusement. “INDEED.” You were such a tiny thing. Your animated expressions were ador-er, almost adorable.

You tilted you head to the side while observing Undyne’s home. “So why did you want me to come here? Did you need something?”

Papyrus pulled out what appeared to he a platter of seemed rolls and handed them o you. “SINCE I CAN’T PROTECT YOU EVERYWHERE YOU WENT, YOU WILL REQUIRE THE AID OF SOMEONE ALMOST AS MIGHTY AS ME.” He knocked on the door. “SOMEONE WHO WOULD BE MORE USEFUL TO YOU AS AN ALLY RATHER THAN AN ENEMY.”

The door opened to reveal a casually clad Undyne in a tank top and pants. “Hello?”

“AND THAT WOULD BE UNDYNE. HELLO!” She grinned at him.

“Hey Papyrus what's up?”

“UNDYNE, I WOULD LIKE YOU TO MEET MY FRIEND.” She smiled and looked expectantly behind him.

“Oh hey nice to meet you I’m-you!?!” Undyne exclaimed as she gaped at you. You nervously grinned and gave a small wave hello. “Sup?”

Papyrus gently pushed you inside Undyne’s house while your feet clutched into the floor. “SO UNDYNE I WANT YOU TO MAKE YOURSELF ACQUAINTED AND I UNFORTUNATELY CANNOT STAY AS I HAVE VERY IMPORTANT BUSINESS MATTERS TO ATTEND TO.”

Undyne scowled at you while you shuddered in horror. “Wait Papyrus don't leave me here!”

“OH LOOK A DISTRACTION!” He pointed before catapulting himself backward step, smashing through Undyne’s window.

No no no Papyrus don't do this to you please don't leave you all alone with-Aah! Fuck! Your blood ran cold as you heard a low chuckle beside your ear and a glowing blue spear in front of you. “Is this anyway to treat a host? Come on, I can't kill you-not till I find someway to repay you anyways. So why don't we get this over with and move on with our lives? Then we'd an pretend this never happened and that neither of us exist.” Undyne frowned as you remained exactly the same. “Oi, I just said I wouldn't kill ya. Don't be an ass.”

“It's not that, really. I just got so terrified that I think I petrified myself.”

“This is what you get for being dense,” Chara mumbled.

Undyne sighed and marched over to you. She grabbed you by the waist and effortlessly lifted you into the air before setting you down onto a chair at her dining room table. “I guess that for Papyrus’s sake we'd better become friends or whatever.”

You grinned nervously and slid yourself out of the chair. “Yeah okay well we met and the best part was probably not having to stay so I'm just gonna head out now and-”. You were so close to the door. So very, very close!

“Oh no you don't.” Undyne grabbed you by your backpack and dunked you back into the chair. “You're gonna sit here and relax because I'm your host and we're gonna become friends! Got it?!” She growled uncomfortably close to your face.

“Yep yep!” If you didn't pass out by then at least.

“Good.” Undyne leaned back in her chair, idly tapping the table. “Since Papyrus is now Head of the Royal Guard, I’m obligated to enforce his commands. And for whatever inexplicable reason, he seems to want you alive.”

“Well that's good! I mean, if I died I wouldn't be able to get to the castle.” You smiled and reached behind you to comfortingly smooth your hand over Flowey’s top petals. “And I promised I would.” You locked eyes with Chara for a moment before they looked away, slinking back into the depths of your backpack.

Undyne regarded you with a dubious state. Her one eye looked you over as she scrutinized your face. “...Do you truly mean it?”

“My promise?”

“Breaking the barrier.”

“Of course!” You replied. “That's why I need to get to Asgore. Sans said that the only way for the barrier to be broken is if he had one more human SOUL-my SOUL. And, well,” you sighed. “If there's no other way, then yes, I'll let him take my SOUL.”

Undyne watched you silently in that indecipherable expression of hers before she stood. She walked over to her oven and turned the burner on, heating up a teapot. “Then I guess I'll have to take your word for it. But mark my words, human-I don't take kindly to traitors.”

“Don't worry! I'm 100% sure I'm not related to Benedict Arnold.”

Undyne blinked. “...What?”

“He's an infamous human who became renowned for being the worst kind of traitor ever during the American Revolution.” You chirp.

“....I'm going to pretend I understood that and go make us some tea.” She took the teapot off the stove top and onto a dormant burner. “What kind would you like? I have Echo Flower, golden flower, and chamomile I found in the Dumps a while back.”

“Golden flower, please. And can I try some Echo Flower too?”

“Sure.” Undyne seeped the tea bags before returning to the table. She put down two cups in front of you and one for herself as she sat down. “So, uh, Y/n, right?”

You took a sip of the golden flower. It tasted like a sweet blend of honey with a hint of jasmine, and magic made your tongue tingle with tiny pops. “Yeah.”

“You're an adult, right?”

“...Is this because you kissed me earlier and you're worried you commuter an act of pediphilacy?” You questioned innocently with a tilt of your head.

Undyne sweat dropped and nervously took a large gulp of tea. “H-ha! As if! I'd never-I'm totally smart enough to know a grown up human when I see one. That's why you're hot.”

“I appreciate the compliment but I don't think that's how it works…”

“Look, I…” She blushed and looked away from you. “I sorta...er….I kind of,” she coughed into her fist. “I have a thing for...for girls.”

“I kind of figured.” You raised your hands beseeching lay as Undyne gave you a reproachful glare. “Hey that's not a bad thing! Please, continue.” She humphed.

“There's this girl I like-like, REALLY like, but I don't...I'm kind of worried she doesn't feel the same, you know? So I was wondering...do you...do you have any advice for me? Like, maybe how I can ask her out without being utterly rejected?”

For a moment a disturbing silence filled the room. Chara and Flowey shared a look while Undyne worried you turned to stone again. But then you snapped to attention with the largest Cheshire grin and starry eyes.

“IIIIIIII HAAVE AN IDEEEEAAA!” You announced as you jumped into the table.

“I regret my life decisions,” Undyne winced as you threw an arm around her shoulders.

“Don't you worry a pretty red hair my dude. I'm gonna hitch you two just like I did with R01 and R02!”

Undyne gaped at you. You...you of all people enjoyed R stuff?! WTF? It's always the innocent, naive ones dammit she should've known from Naruto. “This worries me.”

“Okay, first thing’s first!” You swept your arm across the kitchen table, sending the teacups and tabletop flying off.

“Oi! That was-”

“Number one! Who is this woman of your hot mama jama sin desire?” Undyne blushed.

“A-Alphys…”

“Wonderful! I'll go and ask Pap who she is and tell-”

“No!” Undyne urgently grabbed your shoulders. “You must never, ever, EVER tell her!”

“But then how-”

“Please Y/n!” She squeezed harder, and unknowing to her crushing your body.

“Ok ok geez!” She released you with a relieved sigh. “I'll have to scrap some of the plan though. Hmm.” You tapped your chin thoughtfully. “What can we do-OH!” You snapped your fingers. “I know! You can be her secret admirer!”

“I kind of already am-”

“And we'll work together to make her an awesome gift, some dinner, and a passionate letter of love and desire that will have her swooning at your feet and getting bizzay in the room room for the bang bang!”

“For the sake of my sanity, are you really an adult or just an early developed psychotic teenager?”

“The work may never know.” You giggled maniacally.

“Good lord.” Chara groaned. “Here comes the memes.”

“His holy Dankness Sir Pepe would be proud.” You quipped and grabbed Undyne’s hand as you brought her to the living room. You plopped yourself down on the flirt and smiled up at Undyne. “Criss cross applesauce.”

She snorted. “Tch. Yeah no thanks dork. I'd rather sit like the cool, badass mother fucker I a-”

You slowly leaned in close to her face, your smile just a bit to wide. “Criss. Cross. Apple. Sauce.”

“Y-yes ma’am,” she gulped.

“Great! First thing’s first, making the gift.” You pulled out a notepad from your backpack and a pen, clicking it read us for action. “What does Alphys like?” Undyne sweatdropped.

“Well, we both like Anime and human history books.”

“So maybe something anime then.” You scribbled it down. “You can make a ton of cool stuff based on anime, even if you're not super into it. What kind of anime? Any examples?”

“Uh well her fave’s so far are Tokyo Ghoul, Black Butler, Death Note, and uh…” She furrowed her eyebrows and scratched at the back of her head. “That one with the Yaoi on fire...what was that called again?”

“Oh, you mean that one with the ice skater Victor?”

“Yeah that's it.”

“Got it.” You wrote all of it down and flicked your pen absentmindedly. “Okay. Perfect.” You looked her dead in the eye with your most serious expression ever and held up your notepad for her to see. “I believe this is our parfait master plan.”

“THAT’S A PICTURE OF AN UGLY ASS RABBIT.” Undyne snapped. “WHAT THE FUCK DOES THAT HAVE TO DO WITH MAKING A GIFT?!”

“Nothing. I wanted to draw a bunny.” You looked back at your drawing with glee while Undyne silently screamed to the heavens. “I already figured out what should be the present and what we could cook.”

“Huh? Seriously?” Maybe there was hope in this world after all.

“Yup! Well bake a huge cake and I'll whelk it into Alphys so you can pop out in some sexy lingerie as her present.”

Undyne smiled at you, reflecting how truly dead she was inside. “Y/n?” She questioned in a sickly sweet tone.

“Yeah?” A spear appeared and slammed itself into the floor beside you.

“Let this be one of the rare, miraculous moments that you show some sign of intellect or I will tear you apart limb from sorry limb.”

“...Is there a third option?”

A second spear.

“Okay okay! Geez. Here,” you searched up a recipe for Chocolate Devil Food cake and handed your phone to Undyne. “You can cook this and add Black Butler themed decorations while I make her Yuri’s ice skating uniform.”

“Great. I don't have a sewing machine or material though.”

“That's okay! I have those in my backpack!” You said before diving into your trusty appliance. “She likes black and blue, right? Maybe some white with gold?”

Undyne's bottom eyelid twitched as she watched you dive into your tiny thing and pull out a huge sewing machine and yards of cloth before she let out a deep sigh. “Yeah it's fine.”

“Great! Oh, and I'll write the letter for you.”

“You sure?” What if you wrote something really weird and Alphys got creeped out? Or worse, never want to see her again?

“Yes and don't worry, it's going to be Jeremy the Mailman worthy when I'm through with it.”

“...Who?”

“He's-oh don't worry about it!” You pushed her into the kitchen while her feet dragged. “Just get cooking! Then when we're both done, we’ll choose your outfit.”

“Okay.”

  
“....Undyne…”

“Yeah?”

“Me being the mindfucked person that I am, how is it that you managed to set your entire house on fire, yourself on fire, and me on fire.”

You both watched as Undyne’s house burned like Spongebob’s home in the hungry flames. Undyne had already rid her lard of the fire before she began to work on you, patting you down. “I'm sorry Y/n.”

Undyne sighed and hung her head. “Thanks to me, I fucked up the one chance I had with Alphys. The cake’s ruined, I set the roof on fire-literally-and you didn't get to finish the gift.”

“That's about right. However,” you grinned and pulled out the outfit, prairie and to Undyne’s measurements, a tuxedo-dress, and the Black Butler-themes cake from your backpack. Undyne gawked at you and hurriedly swung her head from her house and back to you.

“I-buh-what-how?!” She stammered.

“I made extra just in case.” You replied with a chuckle. “Oh, and I kept the letter in my backpack. It's in a purple Manila envelope somewhere.”

You made….extra...but...how?

Chara and Flowey were also astounded. “But we were with you the entire time-when the hell did you do all this?!” Chara demanded.

“I like Nutella.” You smiled.

“WHAT IN THE-OK, I'm going back in the backpack. Flowey, did you get the sauna set up?” They said as they went inside.

“Yep.”

“Oh thank you!” Undyne exclaimed with jubilation as she brought you into a bone-crushing hug. “I seriously love you man!”

  
Papyrus became worried when you didn't respond to his calls. It had been more than an hour since he left you alone with Undyne. Were you alright? Was everything okay? Did you do anything terribly stupid? Well you probably did knowing you but what mattered was that you were ok. To settle his unease he went back to Undyne’s and from about a mile away saw her whole house in fire. Again.

Damnit she needed to learn to control herself that was the fifth time this weekend.

Then he realized-you were with her! His eye sockets widened in horror. What if you wee in that house?!

“Y/N!” He ran to get to you as fast as he could. What if you were hurt?! What if you were incapacitated? Or what if you died?! Oh stars what had he DONE?!

He skidded to a halt when he was a good ten yards away from you and Undyne. Your clothes looked a bit burnt, but he was able to perceive no wounds or bruises. He sighed in relief and began to walk towards you. He reached an arm out to wave in greeting when Undyne suddenly hugged you, exclaiming, “I seriously love you man!” and he froze.

Love you?! Undyne-

He sank to his knees and his face plopped into the snow. You and Undyne noticed him when the sound of a muffled, agonized scream sounded through the air. “Papyrus are you okay?”

“NOHM MH N URGY NMYA ARBROKKN.”

“What?”

He popped his head out of the snow. “NO I’M NOT YOUR GAY AND I’M HEARTBROKEN.”

“But I'm not.”

“Dude, did you think I was presides sing my love to her or something?” Undyne cackled. When Papyrus shot her a deadly glare she chuckled and explained. “I'm into someone else, and my new bestie here,”Undyne pulled you close to her for a noogie, “just gave me a chance with her that will actually possibly work.”

Papyrus promptly jolted upright and held your hands. “IS THIS TRUE?”

“Uh-huh! Oh, we did make out in Hotland though.”

“GREAT I WAS WORRIED-WHAT.”

“Yeah it was by accident though because Undyen fainted and I freaked out thinking she was gonna die so I tried to revive her with something we humans call Reverse CPR.”

Papyrus’s face was dark while Undyne looked back and forth to you and him in amusement. Your dense little ass somehow managed to wrap Papyrus and possibly Sans around your little finger and neither you nor them knew it. Hilarious. Even though Papyrus looked about ready to kill her she found the whole situation absolutely ridiculous.

“Yeah that's right. Oh and uh Paps this is what it looked like in case you were wondering.” Undyne pulled you in and dipped you, deeply kissing you while her hands trailed your lower back and thigh.

Steam wafted off of Papyrus’s skull while his eye sockets bugged out.

And this is why you're staring at a madly cackling Undyne in utter confusion, completely oblivious as to why Papyrus was chasing her down with incomprehensible screaming and an arsenal of bones while Chara and Flowey watched whilst snacking on popcorn and soda.

Undyne only had one thought running through her brain:

WORTH IT!


	9. The Case of Fishy Love!

You stared at Undyne in bemusement.  Though you had no idea why she decided to kiss you, or why Papyrus had chased her down and the two ended up in an all out Western brawl dust cloud to come out covered with dirt marks all over them, you did know that it was as disturbing as it was comedic.   Undyne and Papyrus lay on the ground, both a half a meter apart as they panted and gasped for air.  

 

“For whatever reason you had, was it really worth it?”  You questioned.  Undyne weakly chuckled with a shaking fist bump to the air.

 

“Totally.  Heh heh-ow.”  You sweatdropped.

 

“Y/N…”  Papyrus coughed.  “YOU...YOU WOULDN’T HAPPEN TO HAVE..HAVE ANY MONSTER CANDY INSIDE...INSIDE THAT BACKPACK THAT OF YOURS?”  He wheezed.

 

“I think so!”  You rummaged through it.  “Toriel may have put in some and-oh, a slice of butterscotch-cinnamon pie!  That's so nice.”  You smiled as you handed your two friends the candy.  “Chara sweetie, will you please remind me later to call Toriel and thank her?”

 

“...Yeah sure whatever.  Can we go murder something now?”

 

“No little one,” you chided as you fondly ruffle their hair in an affectionate manner “you must learn to control your Dexter urges.”

 

“I ain't Dexter, I'm Shredder.”  They grumbled.  “Shredder’s way cooler in his fashion sense.”

 

You helped Papyrus and Undyne onto their feet.  Papyrus thanked you and dusted himself off while Undyne stretched, her shirt riding up to reveal her-holy shit, she has a six-pack?!  Oh holy shit Sans when you got your hands on him he was a dead man-skeleton-skeleperson-skeelperson-walking.

 

“Alrighty!  Undyne, we’re officially besties now right?”

 

Undyne smirked knowingly at Papyrus while he scoffed, rolling his eyelights as he crossed his arms with a light blush.  “Yep.  Why?”

 

“So that means that I'm gonna fulfill my promise and hook you up with this Alphys.”

 

“Oh.”  Undyne suddenly became nervous.  “Right.”

 

Papyrus smirked at Undyne.  “MY MY, IS THE TERRIFYING UNDYNE THE UNDYING SCARED?”

 

Undyne deadpanned him.  “Two words: Fluffy.  Bunny.”

 

His scowl dropped and he gasped. He frantically planted his hands over your ears.  “Y-YOU SWORE YOU’D NEVER TELL!”  He cried out.

 

“And that mustachio irredeemable dingleberry felcher-what was his name?  Hit and run?”

 

“I think you mean Hitler,” you offered.

 

“Yeah that's the one-Hitler-promised not to invade Czechoslovakia.  Welcome to the real world Papyrus.”

 

He eyed his friend with begrudging respect “...SOLID BURN, UNDYNE.  SOLID BURN.” 

 

“I won't make fun of your love interest if you don't make fun of mine.” She offered.

 

“I DON’T HAVE A LOVE INTEREST.”  He repudiated.  “BUT SURE, WHATEVER.”

 

He removed his hands from your ears and you clapped.  “Right then!  Undyne, you go ahead and get dressed for your date.  I'll deliver the letter and call you over when everything's set.”

 

“You got the cake?”  You patted your backpack.  “Yep!  Do you wanna come too, Papyrus?”

 

“I MIGHT AS WELL, LEST WE HAVE ANOTHER HOUSE BURN TO THE GROUND.”

 

You grinned at what you were about to do.  “Yeah, she really set the roof on fire, huh?”

 

“YES SHE DI-OH MY STARS.”  You giggled while Papyrus groaned.  “I’M GOING TO KILL SANS.”  Undyne patted him sympathetically on the shoulder, shuddering in remembrance of the utterly horrifying crimes of terrible punning that Sans had committed in the past. 

 

“Welp, better get going.  Come on, Papyrus!”  You grabbed his hand and lead him on “We've got a drake to find!”

 

“ALRIGHT-WAIT WHERE ARE WE HEADING?”

 

“To the River Man Carl!  He brought me to Waterland.”  Papyrus glanced down at your intertwined hands and his face burned.  Remembering Undyne’s words he abruptly shook his head with a huff.  Of course he didn't like you-why would he?  You were impulsive, completely disregarded self-preservation when it came to helping others, unbelievably dense, rambunctious-oh he could go on and on.  Yet as you both went into the boat he found himself holding your hand and lifting your body up for support to help you get in.  He may be an evil mastermind, but he was also a gentleman.  Unlike that rowdy, perverse brother of his.

 

“Tra la la la, where would you like to go?”  Carl inquired.  Your eyes sparkled and Papyrus found his SOUL beat faster at the sight.  What was wrong with him?

 

“To Hotland please!  Thanks,” you chirp and took out a generous helping of gold coins you found in the Echo flower caves.  Papyrus shook his head and crossed his arms, propping his legs far apart in what would have been a perfect Tom Hiddleston pose if he dropped the scowl.  Along the ride, you hummed a soft tune and idly wondered where Sans had gone.  “Hey Papyrus?  Do you know where Sans is?”

 

He seemed to start out of his thoughts and looked back at you.  “I BELIEVE HE SAID HE WOULD GO TO THAT GREASE TRAP OF HIS BEFORE RETURNING HOME.”  He raised a bony ridge in question, “ WHY DO YOU ASK?”

 

“Okay, so back in Waterfall, Sans pretended to sleep the entire goddamn time I was trying to outrun Undyne for my life.  So I need to slug him in the face.  Or throw him in a ditch.  Whichever comes first.”  Papyrus nodded.

 

“AS HIS BROTHER YOU HAVE MY FULL CONSENT.”

 

You beamed up at the tall skeleton.  “Why thank you Papy!”  A thought occurred to you whilst remembering the Waterfall incident.  “Speaking of which, why did you call me?  That was some pretty coincidental timing.”

 

“NATURALLY, I ASSUMED YOU’D GOTTEN YOURSELF INTO SOME KIND OF TROUBLE LEFT UNSUPERVISED.  AND LO AND BEHOLD, MY ASSUMPTION WAS CORRECT.”  He replied.

 

“Aw come on, I can take care of myself.  Mostly.”  You puffed out your chest and placed your hands on your hips with an upward jab of your thumb.  “I'm a strong independent woman.  I just...get...oh, what's the word?”  You frowned in concentration.  “Ah!  Empty-headed?  Clear-headed?  No no...ER….ah ha!  Dense-I can be very dense is all.”

 

Papyrus hummed in contemplation.  “THOUGH THERE ARE TIMES WHERE YOU DEMONSTRATE A SURPRISING LEVEL OF INTELLIGENCE.  SUCH AS SURPASSING MY ATTACK.  BUT THAT’S WHAT I DON’T UNDERSTAND.”  He frowned as he inched closer to you to stare into your eyes, his eyelights searching for an unidentifiable cause.  “HOW CAN YOU BE SO SMART, YET SO DUMB, AT THE SAME TIME?”

 

You gazed back at him.  Papyrus watched in surprise as the luminosity of your eyes shifted into something that his astonished thoughts could simply categorize as something as deep as the sea-electric green, illuminating your enchanting orbs in rays of ethereal light and sparks.  

 

...Were your eyes always this beautiful?  And what was that feeling that pulled at his SOUL, causing yours to hum in response and shi-

 

  1.  That-that was private.  He had no right to see that.



 

“I don't know...But hey,” and as suddenly as it was there it was gone.  Your happy expression returned-but the Sparks that enraptured him continued to dance in their alluring manner.  “As long as I'm happy and doing well, it's no biggie, right?”

 

“I SUPPOSE.”  They soon arrived, the boat coming to a halt at the port.  You and Papyrus stepped out to hop on the lava rock ground that made up Hotland.  You adjusted your backpack and checked inside to make sure Chara and Flowey were okay.  Oh, they were watching Nextflix in the living room.  That's nice.

 

“So Papyrus, do you know Alphys?”  He nodded, directing you where to walk as he protectively stood beside you to ward off any malignant stares.  “YES.  SHE’S THE CURRENT ROYAL SCIENTIST.  SHE’S...DECENT.  THOUGH I STRONGLY SUSPECT SHE’S AN ‘IN THE CLOSET PERVERT’”.

 

“Really?  So like Sans?”

 

“NOT QUITE.  SHE’S INTO...ER,” he coughed suddenly, looking away from you with red cheekbones.  “INTO THOSE TENTAI?”

 

“Oh, you must mean hentai.”  Papyrus started.

 

“Y/N!  D-DON’T SAY IT OUT LOUD!”

 

“Oh my gosh you're so vanilla Paps.”  You chuckled. “It's not like she creates things with tentacles and uses them for her own perverse pleasure, right?”  You waited for a response but found Papyrus had gone eerily silent.  You realized that he had stopped in front of the entrance to what you assumed was Alphys’s lab.   “Right?...”. Turning to look up at him you found him giving you an empathetic look.  He plopped a hand down on your shoulder and patted it.  “...Well okay then.”  You took off your backpack to pull out the letter.  Knocking on the door, you called out.  “Hello!  I have a letter for a Dr. Alphys?”

 

There was a pause, before a silent yet serious voice stuttered a reply.  “Sl-slide it under the door.”

 

You watched with Papyrus as the sound of a drill echoed from the insides of the lab.  A few minutes passed before the door opened, and a drake with a white lab coat and a red and black striped shirt with large, circular glasses stepped out.  Alphys wore a light blush as she looked between you and Papyrus curiously.

 

“S-so!  P-papyrus, I can safely assume that the letter was not from you, yes?”  He nodded with a huff.

 

“IT WOULD BE ILLOGICAL TO THINK OTHERWISE.”

 

She turned to you, eyeing you up and down before her face darkened.  Papyrus felt his SOUL tug in reproach as she eyed you the same way Undyne had.  “S-so it was you?”

 

“Oh no,” you grin, “you see, I brought it from your secret admirer.”

 

“I-I have a secret admirer?”  She repeated, reflecting the skepticism in her tone.  

 

“Yep!  And I'm here to help you get ready for a date with them.”

 

Alphys looked between you and Papyrus and glared.  “O-oh no you don't!  I-I've seen enough anime to one I where this goes-you're going to trick me I-in some way that will expose my weaknesses and force me to obey your every command!”

 

“...I'm going to admit that this is not at all how I pictured your response.”  

 

“OH PLEASE,” Papyrus idly scanned his sharp claws.  “YOU ARE A LITERAL YELLOW SACK OF SCIENCE THAT RUNS ON CUP NOODLES-ANYTHING IS YOUR WEAKNESS.”

 

“Y-you!-”

 

“Okay wait!”  You quickly stood between the two.  Why was everyone down here so prone to violence?  “Alphys, your secret admirer is a good friend of yours.  And sh-they-are a good friend of mine.  So can you please trust me and let me help you?”  You clasped her large hands into yours and gave her a beseeching look.  “Please?”

 

She blushed again, turning her head to the side with a brisk nod.  “F-fine.”

 

“And Papyrus?”

 

“HMM?”

 

“Turn down the sass.  Flowey’s bad enough as it is.”

 

“....FINE.”

 

“Great!  First order of business,” you turned yourself to face the drake “-Alphys, do you have any dresses?  Or tuxes-whatever you prefer.”

 

Alphys’s face scrunched up, her irked expression now taking on a more nerved one.  “A-ah, well, yes I do but.”  She sighed.  “L-Look, you seem nice for someone of your low intelligence-”

 

“Thanks?”

 

“B-but I'm not going to embarrass myself.  And for what?”  She sighed, her shoulders sagging as she plopped down on the couch.  “D-do you honestly think anyone would want this?”  She said, gesturing to herself.

 

“SHE’S GOT A POINT.”  You shot Papyrus a withered glare and punched his arm.  “OW!-WHAT?!”  

 

“N-no, he's right.  An asshole, but right.  Besides, there's only one person I really like.  A-and she's way out of my league.  Like we're not even in the same sports league.  I'd be the dude selling peanuts across the street in a spandex frock while she plays VIP in the NBA.”

 

You sat down next to Alphys and placed a sympathetic hand on her shoulder.  “I'm sure that's not the case Alphys.  What's her name?”

 

“Sh-she's the cap-well, ex-captain, of the Royal Guard.  Undyne the Undying.”

 

“Really?”  You shot up, startling Alphys.  “That's perfect!  I'll go and tell her-”

 

“N-no!”  Alphys grabbed your hand.  “Y-you can't tell her!  I-if she finds out I'll only make a fool of myself a-and we won't be friends anymore and-!”

 

“Okay okay Alphys chill.  I won't tell, okay?”  Holy jeebus this was like a bad soap opera.  “What do you want to do then?  You have to tell her sooner or later.”  She nervously bit her lip.  “Look, Alphys.  Which would you rather have?  Undyne finding out on her own or you showing her yourself how brave you are by telling her?”

 

“I-I want to tell her...B-but how?”

 

“That I actually have no idea for,” you reluctantly admitted.  

 

“WHY DON’T YOU PRACTICE CONFESSING?”  Papyrus hummed.  

Alphys brightened.  “Th-that's perfect!  Y/n, you can pretend to be Undyne and we'll go on a date!”

 

“YES EXACT-NO!”  Papyrus objected.  “THAT’S NOT WHAT I SAID AT ALL!”

 

“Why don't we combine both your ideas?  We’ll make you pretend you're in a date with Undyne-like, uh,” You grabbed a piece of cardboard and  held it up”you can pretend this is Undyne and Paps and I will help you through the date as if it were the real deal.  That way, when it comes time for Undyne to come,”  you snapped your fingers.  “It'll be a synch!”

 

“I-I don't know.  I look dumpy enough as it is.”

 

“SHE’S GOT A-” You glared, fist ready and about to swing when- ”ER UH NICE PERSONALITY.  SORTA.  SO IT WILL TOTALLY, UM, SHOW?”  Fuck why was it so hard to not be mean?!  

 

You smiled and nodded in approval.

 

“Here,” you took off your backpack and rummaged through it.  “I'll wear a dress too so you won't be left out, okay?”

 

Alphys seemed to have lost her anxiety and now gave you a dubious stare.  “Y-you.  In a dress.”

 

“Uh huh.”  You pulled out your green, strapless dress with a bare back and tied up your hair into a bun. 

 

“Y/N, I’LL ADMIT THAT FOR A HUMAN YOU’RE NOT COMPLETELY UGLY.”

 

“I'm taking that as a compliment!”  You cheerfully respond.

 

“BUT THAT DOESN’T MEAN YOU-ARE YOU UNDRESSING?!”  He stammered, eye sockets comically bugging out as his face burned crimson.

 

“Yep!  Come on Aly!”  You grabbed Alphys’s arm and pulled her behind a conveniently placed changing stall.  You poked your head out to grin innocently  at Papyrus. “Don't look~”

 

Papyrus groaned and pinched the bridge of his nose indent.  It should be illegal to be so much trouble.

 

“‘Kay Paps check out Alphys-I need to choose what kind of accessory I want.”  Alphys was pushed into the clearing where she blushed, stammering incoherently as she tugged on her dress.

 

“Th-this was a mistake I look horrible,” she groaned, catching her reflection in the mirror.

 

“ACTUALLY, THE POLKA DOTS ARE DECENT AND THE DRESS FITS YOUR FORM QUITE NICELY.”

 

“...D-did-are you seriously being nice to me?  You, of all people?”

 

“IF I'M NOT THEN THAT HINDERANCE OF A HUMAN WOMAN WILL NO DOUBT PESTER ME FOR HOURS,” Papyrus admitted, shuddering to think of how truly annoying you could be.

 

“Oi!  I'm not a hindrance I'm a helper!”

 

“INDE-Y/N WHAT IN THE ACTUAL FUCK.”  

 

“Ta-da!”  You posed, grinning at what you deemed the perfect dating outfit.

 

…..

 

For a long moment there was nothing but stunned silence.  “AND HERE I THOUGHT YOU COULDN’T GET ANY MORE RIDICULOUS,” Papyrus sighed.

 

“Y-you're wearing a banana suit.”

 

“Yep!  This is my dating dress.  What do you think?”  The two monsters shared a glance.  You literally looked like a giant banana, with only your legs, arms, and face sticking out.  

 

“I CAN’T BELIEVE I WAS ACTUALLY WORRIED YOU'D BE MOLESTED.”  In all honesty he was hoping you'd put on an actual dress and pretend that you were capable of feminine wiles.  

 

Evidently not and-oh come on.

 

“Y/N, PUT THE BANANA AWAY.”  Papyrus warned, knowing exactly where this was going and not liking it at all.  You smirked mischievously and held up the fruit, one hand positioned and ready to peel.  

 

“What?  I just wanna, you know, have a snack.”

 

“DON’T YOU DARE.”

 

“I guess you could-”

 

“Y/N DO NOT-”

 

“-call it-”

 

“I WILL END YOU-”

 

“-canabananalism!”  You laughed maniacally and bit into the fruit with gusto.  You watched with great mirth as Papyrus gave you Yellow Diamond’s angry face as he fumed, his face taking on a vivid hue of red.

 

Alphys didn't know whether to laugh or cry. “A-are you going to help me or not?”

 

“OH SHE WILL.”  Papyrus muttered darkly.  He stalked towards you, his tall form approaching you-menacingly.  

 

Poor, poor you.  

 

You glanced up at Papyrus and saw his entire face had darkened, and-oh look, he was holding a pretty green dress in his hand and-

 

“Ow ow ow ow!  Don't pull so hard and-hey that's my shirt give it ba-stop tugging my shorts that is-hands off the merchandise damn it-Yowee!”

 

Papyrus had forcefully torn off your banana suit, stripped you of your clothes save for your bra and underwear, and put you in a strapless green satin dress in a manner of-four, five seconds.  He could've just asked.  You grumpily crossed your arm and stuck your tongue out at the skeleton.  “I liked that banana suit you ass!”

 

“AND I LIKE HAVING THE UNIVERSE NOT BE POISONED WITH TERRIBLE PUNS.”  He smirked back.  His eye lights roamed over your body in approval.  The dress emphasized your curves in stark contrast to your previous dowdy, overly large sweater.  Being strapless, it left your shoulders and neck bare, and your back was exposed save for the very tips of your shoulder blades.  “NOW YOU’RE IN AN ACTUAL DATING OUTFIT.”

 

“Yeah yeah-back to Alphys.”  You grumbled, your cheeks flaring at how Papyrus’s smirk seemed soft as he looked at you.  You hummed as you began to rummage through your backpack.  “Okay Aly, let's get this place set up!  You like anime right?”

 

“Y-yes, why what the hell?!”  Aplus gawked as you pulled out a fucking dining hall banquet table with an embroidered tablecloth of Attack On Titan, Black Butler, and Yuri On Ice.  There was also the tall, golden rimmed candles and gourmet food that looked as though it had just been cooked seconds ago, with an anime themed cake and a few other desserts beside the main courses and goblets of wine.

 

“I-but-what-how?!”  She frantically gestured back and forth between you and your backpack.  “That tiny-what?!”

 

“FOR THE SAKE OF PRESERVING WHATEVER SHREDS OF SANITY THAT REMAIN, I FIND IT BEST NOT TO QUESTION IT.” Papyrus monotoned as you managed to bullshit the laws of reality.  

 

Again.

 

“Okay Aly, take a seat in front of Undyne,” you said, pulling out a chair for the large drake to sit in front of the cardboard with a picture d a poorly drawn fish on it.

 

“Wow, and I thought Flowey was a bad artist.”  Chara had decided to pop out of your backpack and lean on your shoulder to be a little shit-er, to comment-on your art.

 

“Hey!”  Flowey popped out soon after.  “You try drawing with petals for hands.  Anyway, what're you doing now Y/n?”

 

“Papyrus and I-”

 

“I'M HERE AS THE PARENTAL SUPERVISION.”

 

“-I-am making Alphys practice confessing her Undyning-” you ducked as Papyrus threw a red bone at you “-love for Undyne.”

 

“Well this is going to end horribly,” Chata sighed.

 

“No it's not Squidward-now let Mommy talk to her yellow lizard friend.”

 

“You have issues.”  The siblings replied but quieted nonetheless.

 

“Okay Aly-Undyne just asked you how you're doing today.  How do you respond?”

 

Alphys began to sweat nervously, staring at the drawing on the cardboard plank with an increasingly apprehensive stare.  “Uh-uh umm…”

 

Plank used lure.

 

Alphys’s big ol’ eyes widened further as her whole body became drenched with sweat.  “....He-Hnnnn…I-I…”

 

In Alphys’s vision, the kindergarten drawing of Undyne became real, appearing to her to be Undyne laying atop the table-au naturale-as she beckoned her with a finger and an alluring wink.

 

Plank used lure.

 

“I-I-I-I-OH UNDYNE!”  Alpha threw herself across the table, smooching the drawing over and over again as she alternated between loud slurps and licks.

 

It's super effective.

 

Both you and Papyrus blinked in awkward surprise.  “Well that...That's an interesting way to say ‘I'm doing fine, thanks.’”

 

“O-oh Undyne!  I'm such a dirty slut for you Unnie!”  Alphys squeezed the plank between her breasts, rubbing herself against the board with low murmurs and groans.  “I wanna do all kinds of sick shit with you l-like the ones we see in the Hentai we watch together!”

 

….You chose this time to cover a scarred-for-life-Chara’s ears.  Flowey chose this time to pull out a flask of vodka from your backpack and began chugging it down as Alphys rambled on.

 

“A-and I just love you so much and just wanna hear you say how you f-feel the exact same for me!”

 

“Okay.”  Everyone turned in surprise to see a lightly blushing, but otherwise composed Undyne.

 

Alphys stared between we and the plank in horror before dropping it.  “I-uh-wha-I can explain!!!”

 

“NOT REALLY.”

 

“Alphys, it's okay.”  Undyne smiled and planted her hands on the drake’s shoulders.  “I've known you were a kinky bitch for years now.  Papyrus told me.”  Alpha shot him a glare before glancing at you.  

 

“Y/n.”

 

“On it.”  You slugged him in the arm.

 

“OW!  WOULD YOU QUIT IT?!”  Papyrus rubbed his arm.  “YOU HAVE A GOOD RIGHT DAMMIT.”

 

“And it's okay because-I love you too!”  Alphys gasped, her eyes widening with sparkly joy.  “R-really?!”

 

“Yes!  And it's not just because you're an adorable nerd with a rear the size of a truck.”  Undyne’s eyes flared with flames as she pumped a fist with a wide-toothed grin.  “It's because you're hard-working!  Determined!  Always putting everything into whoev-I mean, whatever-you do!”  She roughly seized Alphys by her forearms and leaned in close so their foreheads were touching, the same wild expression present on her face.  “And that shit turns me on.  So.  HARD.”  She swiped an arm across the table, sending everything clattering to the ground in a splattered mess.  Alphys was flung onto her back as her body hit the table.  Undyne swung herself on top of the drake and flexed, her jacket and shirt ripping and tear right off of her to reveal her toned body.  “Now let's get BIZZAY!”

 

Papyrus made a choking sound as his home body burned red. You had to catch him as he tumbled, half-conscious.  Chara had positioned themselves in the fetal position as they lay in a dark corner of the room, shuddering.  Flowey lay beside them with a just as traumatized demeanor.  “Pass the vodka and bleach we’re gonna ducking drink an entire whale’s body mass.”   Chara shivered.

 

“Aye aye cap’n.”

 

“Welp mission accomplished.  More or less.”  You and Papyrus had taken Chara and Flowey and ran as far as the two of you could out of the lab to a shady spot in Hotland, as Undyne and Alphys had gotten so into their make out session that they started stripping.  And you weren't exactly ready to be an extra in a lesbian porno.  “Are you two okay?”

 

“Goodbye, childhood.”  Flowey whimpered.

 

“It was fun while it lasted.”  Chara reminisced, waving goodbye to the last shreds of their dignity and sanity gracefully flying away from them whilst flipping middle fingers.

 

“I'm taking that as an Okey Dokey.”  You smiled up at Papyrus.  “Thanks for the help Paps.  And this dress is nice, but can I have my banana suit back please?”

 

Papyrus blinked and quickly hid the horrendous item behind his back.  “WHAT BANANA SUIT.”

 

“Don't be silly, Paps!”  You chuckled. “It's behind your back.  Can I have it now please?  I wanna wear it.”

 

“NO YOU DON’T.”  You frowned in confusion.

 

“Uh yeah, I'm pretty sure I do.”

 

“BUT ARE YOU REALLY, REALLY SURE?”

 

“Absa-rudy posa-tudy.”

 

“BUT CONSIDERING THE METAPHYSICAL AND PHYSICAL DIMENSIONS OF REALITY ARE YOU FOCUSING IN ON OUR ABSTRACT WANTS AND DESIRES?”

 

“Papyrus are you doing this on purpose?”

 

“....OH LOOK, A DISTRACTION!”  You turned your head as Papyrus pointed.  “What?”

 

He dashed over to the edge of the Lava Bridge and tossed the monstrosity into the boiling tomb below.  “I don't see any-Papyrus no!”  You cried out and bolted over, falling to the ground as you tried I grasp the suit.  It slipped out of your fingers and plummeted down to the flaming inferno.  You slowly brought yourself to sit up, staring in silence as you watched your beloved garment burn before your eyes.

 

“AND GOOD RIDDANCE TO AN ASSAULT TO THE VISIONARY ARTS!”  Papyrus proclaimed.  He rolled his eye lights as you remained silent.  “OH COME ON Y/N.  IT’S JUST A STUPID SUI-”

 

“That was my Banana Joe outfit,” you murmured, staring up at him with a slowly rising rage.  “My faithful suit that accompanied me time after time through many a Peanut Butter Jelly Time Dance.  And you-” you stood to jab your finger accusingly into his chest.  “And you burned it!”

 

He placed his hands over yours in an attempt to soothe you.  “Y/N CALM DOWN IT’S-”

 

“No!”  You tore his hands off of you.  “It may be stupid and worthless to you but it was precious to me!  You-you ass!  You and Sans don't care about me at all.”

 

“Y/N-”

 

“I HATE YOU!”  You cried, grabbing your backpack and running as fast as you could away from the skeleton.  You swung Chara and Flowey into your arms and in your backpack as you ran, your tears blurring your vision and your sons catching in your throat.  

 

You didn't stop until you were certain Papyrus was nowhere near you.  Didn't stop until you were all the way back in Snowdin.  Didn't stop until your aching legs finally gave out and you collapsed onto the snowy ground below.  As your vision faded to black, you could've sworn you heard someone cry out your name.  The last thing you thought was-

 

Oh sweet bejesus blue balls of Jammin’ Dandy Daddy Flippin’ Jensen Ackles it's fucking cold!!!

  
  


You awoke to a warm, heavy embrace.  You groggily opened your eyes and blinked, adjusting your vision from the darkness of sleep to the bright lighting of the room.  Once your vision cleared, you saw that Sans and Papyrus were both staring at you with deep concern.  

 

“geez doll are you ok?/HUMAN ARE YOU ALRIGHT?”

 

Your sleepy grin morphed into an angry frown and you glared at the skeletons.  “You-!  I'm not speaking to either of you!”  You huffed, crossing your arms.

 

“Y/N YOU CAN’T-”

 

“Oh wait, I almost forgot.  Hey Sans?”

 

“wha-ow!”  You slugged him in the arm.  “what was that for?!”

 

“You know darn tootin’ well what for.  And as for YOU-” you whipped around to look at Papyrus.  “I hope I never have to see you again you cocksplurt spack!”

 

“...IS THAT SOME KIND OF EUPHEMISM?”

 

“It means you're both jerks!  Obviously my friendship means nothing to you if you both are capable of disregarding my well-being and destroying my treasured belongings with the utmost ease.”

 

“okay, so we were assholes-”

 

“Fucking jackass-pretend-you're-asleep-asshole.”

 

“-right.”  He sweated nervously. Y the venomous stare you pinned him with.  Well, nervousness and excitement really.  It was kinda...hot...huh.  Weirdos could be attractive too, he supposed.

 

“BUT IT’S NO EXCUSE TO KILL YOURSELF FROM HYPOTHERMIA.  YOU WERE NEARLY A BLUE POPSICLE WHEN SANS AND I FOUND YOU.”

 

“And why didn't you?  I'm just a stupid, annoying human you manipulate for your own pleasure.”

 

“BECAUSE YOU’RE OUR FRIEND AND...WE ER...CARE ABOUT YOU.”  Papyrus mumbled, his cheekbones reddening.  

 

“were just not tha best at showin’ it.  you’ve seen how rough we got it down ‘ere doll.  tha kindness an’ compassion ya show us is…’s not somethin’ we’re used to.  and yeah, we’re asses.  but we do like ya, ya know.”

 

“...Ok I forgive you.”  Sans sighed in relief.

 

“I'm still mad at Papyrus though.”

 

“WHAT?!”

 

“I liked that suit dammit!”

 

“ERGH-FINE!  WAIT HERE.”  He said and crossed his arms.  “SANS-”

 

“yeah bro?”

 

“TO THE SHOP BUNNY LADY-DESDEMONA’S-PLACE.”

 

“on it.”  You waited on the couch, still wrapped in the fuzzy warm blanket.  It was probably Papyrus’s-it smelled like spaghetti.  Soon the skeletons returned, Sans stood beside Papyrus as he presented you with an armful of chocolates, a bouquet of crimson and black roses, and-

 

You gasped, a wide happy grin of excitement spreading across your face.  “A bunny suit!”

 

“I’M NOT ENTIRELY SURE IT WILL FIT, AS DESDEMONA AND I WERE UNAWARE OF YOUR EXACT MEASUREMENTS AND SHE ONLY HAD A FEW MINUTES TO SCRAP SOMETHING TOGETHER AND-HRK!”

 

“I love it!  Thank you, Papyrus!”

 

“I...AM FORGIVEN?”  He inquired.

 

“Almost.  Bend down, please.”  

 

“OK WH-OW!  AGAIN WITH THE SLUG-MMF!”  You then grabbed his face and placed a quick kiss on his mouth.  Taking the gifts, you put the chocolates into your backpack and the flowers in a vase. “Thanks for the gift Paps!”  You hummed, turning back to the brothers.  Flowey had told you that when someone gave you clothing as a present-especially a guy-you should kiss him.  So you did.

 

“Did I do it right Flowey?”  He nodded, covering his mouth with a leaf stalk to hide his snicker.  “Oh yeah.”  You then began to walk upstairs to go to one of the rooms to change into the bunny outfits, the brothers staying behind in the living room.

 

“bro are you okay?”

 

“I DON’T THINK I WILL EVER UNDERSTAND WOMEN, SANS.”

 

“ah’m afraid that’s the curse of all men, bro.”

 

“ESPECIALLY Y/N.”

 

“amen.”

 

“Guys look!”  The two turned and their eyes promptly bugged out, their jaws going slack.

 

Apparently the outfit fit you well-TOO well-as it tightly squeezed and emphasized your curves, chest, and ass in a way that-wow, was it hot in here or what?

 

“Isn't it cute?  It's even got a little cotton tail at the ba-holy shit!”  You jumped back in surprise as the brothers suddenly fell back as blood splurged out from their nose indents in a major geyser of a nosebleed.  “Great sassafrassin’ suckatashin’ what's the matter with you two?”

 

Sans bore a large, goofy grin as his eyelids drooped, drool leaking out of his mouth as his eye lights slowly swirled around as little red hearts.  He weakly sang out in a low rumble, “ah like big butts and ah cannot lie,” before passing out.  Papyrus raised a shaky hand and extended a finger with a determined proclamation of, “ALL YOU OTHA BROTHAS CAN’T DENY,” before he too conked out.

  
Chara and Flowey popped out of your backpack and finished with a whooping cheer their chorus.  “That when Y/n walks in oblivious as shit you get rekt!”


	10. Local Spider Ruins Everything

Papyrus held a bloody tissue up to his nose indent as he placed a hand on his hip.  He would have passed off the reprimanding, authoritative figure look off if it weren't for the fact that he was slightly blushing and  _ still _ covering his somehow blood-gushing nose indent.  Sans was no better, only he had to use both hands to prevent his own Old Faithful from springing.  You had changed out of your bunny suit and sat criss-cross applesauce on the floor in a short-sleeves red vest and blue-jeans shorts with black tights, once more donning your sneakers and an added straw hat you found while dressing in their closet.  You didn't know why, but you really liked the straw hat and it's green ribbon.

 

Chara and Flowey were still loopy after drowning themselves in alcohol and bleach, so you let them stay in your backpack to have ample time to recover. 

 

Meanwhile, Papyrus paced back and forth with his finger in the air, nosebleed finally done as he patronized you.  “THE LAST THING YOUR SUICIDAL BEHIND NEEDS IS TO MAKE THE WORLD FULLY AWARE OF YOUR PRESENCE.  THE KEY TO SURVIVAL,” he gave you a pointed stare as you doodled with your finger on the carpet, giggling to yourself “ESPECIALLY YOURS-IS TO MAKE YOURSELF AS INCONSPICUOUS AS POSSIBLE.  WHICH MEANS” he gave you a pointed look “NO MORE SURPRISES!”

 

You tilted your head to the side in a manner that he thought was awfully similar to an innocent puppy. “So you don't want me to tell you about the breakdancing narwhals?”

 

“....WHAT?”

 

“Or what about the telepathic squirrels?  Oh, and when I was sitting on your couch I discovered that there's a secret portal there that sends anything beginning with the letter ‘q’ to another dimension.  Or-”. Sans quickly covered your mouth with his hand.  “Mm?”

 

“doll, we’re tragically misunderstood bad boys.  not crazy.  ok?”  

 

“But-”

 

“sh.”  He shushed you.

 

“But there’s also-” you tried again.

 

“sh.”  Denied.

 

“Bu-”

 

“sh.”  He leaned in close to your face to emphasize his point, pressing a bony finger against your lips. “shhhhhh.”

 

“...Okay.”  Sans removed his hand and patted your head.  “good y/n.”

 

“NOW THEN, WHERE WAS I?”  Papyrus mused.

 

“You were about to redeem my Ice Cream privileges?”  You tried.

 

“OH YES,” he nodded.  “OF COURSE HOW COULD-NO!  YOU ARE FORBIDDEN FROM ANY AND ALL FROZEN TREATS.  THE LAST THING WE NEED IS FOR YOU OF ALL PEOPLE TO GET A SUGAR RUSH.”

 

“Aw but Paps, it's how we met.”  You grinned.  

 

He raised an eye ridge and held up a sharp, red bone.  “OH?  AND WOULD YOU CARE TO REENACT THAT LITTLE OUTBURST OF YOURS?”

 

“On second thought it's such a beautiful day inside the living room why go outside into the fun yet dangerous outdoors?”  You quickly input without missing a beat.

 

“THOUGHT SO.”  He resumed his rant.  “WHILE YOUR TENACIOUS ATTEMPTS TO BEFRIEND AND HELP EVERYONE IS SURPRISINGLY ENDEARING, YOU WON’T BE ABLE TO SURVIVE A SECOND LONGER IN THE UNDERGROUND IF YOU CONTINUE TO DO SO.  ESPECIALLY CONSIDERING HOW WORD IS SPREADING FAST OF THE ARRIVAL OF A HUMAN.”

 

You gasped with excitement.  “Someone else fell down?!  Cool!  We should form a club-Fallers!  Get it?”  You giggled.  “It's because we fell down Ebott.”

 

Papyrus resisted rising urge to strangle something.  “NO.  IT’S YOU, Y/N.” You deflated.  “Aw…”

 

“AS I WAS SAYING, IN ORDER FOR YOU TO SURVIVE, IT IS UP TO SANS AND I TO TRAIN YOU IN THE DARK ARTS AND BOOST YOUR CONFIDENCE SKILLS.”

 

“But having low self-esteem is great!  That way, when anyone insults me, it never hurts my feelings.”  You perkily respond.

 

The skeletons stared at you in utter disbelief.  Sans’s eye sockets narrowed in on you whilst his face contorted in begrudging empathy.  “who the hell raised you?”

 

“I'm a firefighter back on the surface.  So technically, my squad and I ‘raise the roof’!”  You chuckled happily to yourself before sighing.  “I sure miss ‘em.  It's a good thing I fell here a few days ago into my two week vacation.  I'd hate for them to worry about me.”

 

“...well ok then.”

 

“BACK TO VILLAINY SCHOOL!”  Papyrus placed his hands on your shoulders.  “HAVE YOU EVER ENSNARED A DO-GOODER IN YOUR TRAPS?”

 

You tilted your head to the side.  “Why would I do that?  I want to help people, not hurt them.”

 

“WELL YES BUT TO  _ SURVIVE _ , MY DEAR.  HAVE YOU EVER HAD TO FIGHT BACK IN SELF-DEFENSE?”

 

“No.  Oh!”  You grin happily.  “I can tackle-hug and flip somebody over if I want.  And I'm pretty strong from my training.”

 

Oh you innocent, innocent little dumbass who gave him weird feelings.  How you survived to this age was a mystery in and of itself.

 

Papyrus sighed.  “WE HAVE A LONG, LONG,  _ LONG _ WAY TO GO, DON’T WE?” He grumbled to himself.  “ALRIGHTY THEN, WHY DON’T WE DO THIS IN A WAY SOMEONE AS...UNIQUE...AS YOU WILL UNDERSTAND.  SANS?”

 

“yes boss?

 

“BRING OUT” he paused dramatically with his hands on his hips.  “THE SAXOPHONE.”

 

“gotcha.”  Sans disappeared and soon reappeared with the item and tossed it to Papyrus.  “EXCELLENT.”

 

He played a few notes while Sans got his own drums set and saxophone.  “hey!”

 

“WE ARE NUMBER ONE!”

 

“Hey!”  You joined in, doing a little dance with your cute, happy laugh.  However your impromptu musical number was bamboozled by the nefarious arrival of none other than the most loathsome, despicable, utterly low down no good ill-doer to have ever roamed the Earth.

 

Jerry.

 

“Hey guyz,” Jerry suddenly popped out of nowhere in front of you and the skelebros.  “Mind if I join ya?”

 

Papyrus’s face curled in disgust while Sans glared at him, the upbeat music ceasing almost instantly.  “get lost jerry.”

 

But you didn't know that this was an average (albeit an infamously disliked one) monster named Jerry.  All you thought was-”Demon llama!”

 

“WHA/wha-?” Sans and Papyrus jumped in shock and watched in astonishment as you proceeded to mercilessly beat up Jerry.

 

“Ow!  What's wrong with the lil mama over he-ow!?”

 

“Demon llama!  Demon llama!”  You wrestled him to the ground, wrapping your legs around his head and pinned his arms behind his back as you practically tied him into a pretzel.  “Bad demon!  Bad!”  

 

Jerry would've survived if only he remained still and played dead.  Alas, the poor fool moved. 

 

You let out a fighting cry and began to beat him in your personalized Shrek-style with a chair, causing Sans and Papyrus to wince sympathetically at the sound of Jerry’s scream.  “Ah!  What did I do to you-ow!”  You lift him up and spun him in the air before jumping up, twisting your body around to karate kick him with a swooping leg through the room of the house and out of sight until he was a gleaming star in the sky. 

 

“Oh no I’m blasting off agaiaaaaaaan!”  He yelled while he spun off into the horizon.

 

You fell back down on your hands and with one leg tucked into your chest while the other was spread out.  Slowly rising up, you humphed as you brushed your hands off.  “Serves that demon llama right! Don't worry,” you beamed up at the jaw-gaping skeletons.  “I took care of that bad demon!  Now we're all safe and sound again to sing.”

 

Papyrus slowly turned to look at Sans “I DON’T THINK SHE NEEDS HELP IN SELF-DEFENSE.” He nodded in agreement.  “nope.”  

 

Papyrus leaned down to your head and narrowed his eye sockets as he stared at you.  You continued to grin happily at him and tilted your head to the side in curiosity.  “What is it?”  He poked your stomach.  “YOU ARE REAL.”  He stated, as though forcing himself to believe something.

 

“Uh yes?”  You blinked in surprise. “Why wouldn't I be-oh!”  You laughed.  “If you wanted to be sure I was a girl, you could've just asked.”  Before either brothers could process your words or react at all, you had popped your vest open to reveal your lacy sports bra.  “See?  I'm real.”

 

Oh stars...  

 

The brothers felt their faces light up anew as crimson luminescent lanterns.

 

...It was  _ red _ .

 

Sans fell back as his previously dormant Old Faithful now awoke, gushing out blood.  Papyrus grabbed the sides of your vest and pressed it closed, his whole face a red mess.  “WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT?! NO-DON’T EVEN ANSWER.  DAMMIT!”  He cursed, hurriedly buttoning up your accursed clothing with trembling hands before both he and Sans ended up drowning in blood.  Why were you so adorable?!    “AUGH!  THERE!  NOW DON’T DO ANYTHING LIKE THAT AGAIN.”

 

“But you're the one who poked me to see if I was real or not.”  He pinched the bridge of his nose indent.  Stars, give him strength.

 

“OK AND I’M SORRY.  YOU REALLY WANT TO SING THIS SONG, RIGHT?”  

 

You brightened.  “Yep yep yep!”

 

“THEN YOU HAVE TO TONE DOWN...WHATEVER IT IS THAT YOU HAVE THAT MAKES YOU DO THESE THINGS.  UNDERSTAND?”  You gave him a two-fingered salute.  

 

“Yes sir Mr. Papyrus sir!”  Huh. That...had a nice ring to it.  Could he get you to call him that or-nah.  You'd probably say, ‘Ok Papyrus!’ And forget all about it later.

 

“GOOD.  HERE WE GO.  SA-OH.  RIGHT.”  Sans was still laying in the floor, staring at nothing with glowing red drool coming out of his mouth and leaking off his to rolled out tongue.  The trail of blood was still there too.  “Y/N, YOU WOULDN’T HAPPEN TO HAVE A BOTTLE OF MUSTARD IN YOUR BACKPACK WOULD Y-” you promptly held out said bottle to the tall skeleton.  He gave you a deadpan as he took it.  “OF COURSE YOU WOULD.”  He popped it open and squirted a handful onto Sans’s face.  

 

It was as if he was electrocuted.  Sans rose with both arms out in front of him with his loud baritone emitting an uproarious cry.  “i liiiiive!  ha!”  And snatched the bottle to guzzle the rest of the yellow contents down.

 

“SO IT SEEMS.   NOW HURRY UP.  WE HAVE A MUSICAL NUMBER TO PERFORM.”

 

“oh yeah.  on it bro.”  And with that the beat resumed once more.  Sans kept the rhythm going while Papyrus threw his saxophone to who knows where to get behind you.  He placed both hands on your shoulders as he sang.  “NOW LISTEN CLOSELY,” you watched in surprise as he waltzed off with your backpack in his hand.  You did the Wallace clap with your hands together in excitement at the incredible skill.  You hadn't even felt him pry it off of you.  “HERE’S A LITTLE LESSON IN TRICKERY.”

 

“this is goin’ down in history,” Sans joined.

 

“IF YOU WANNA BE A VILLAIN NUMBER ONE-”

 

“I'll drink milk-straight from the carton!  Mwahhahaha!  You cackled, attempting to drink it and quickly put it down with a small cough.  “S-so evil, right?”

 

Papyrus rolled his eyelights.  “YOU HAVE TO CHASE A SUPERHERO ON THE RUN.  JUST FOLLOW MY MOVES,” you copied Papyrus as he did parts of the tango to summon a special attack of red bones.  “AND SNEAK AROUND.”  He showed you how to not only dodge the bones, but to retrieve them and use them as your own personal weapon.  He then held up a finger to his mouth.  “BE CAREFUL NOT TO MAKE A SOUND.”

 

You pulled off his scarf and got into a fighting stance, swinging his scarf around you to look like you had your mouth covered like a badass.  “Hoo-ha!  I'm a ninja!”

 

“SH/sh!”  Sans and Papyrus placed bony fingers up to their mouths and shushed you.  “Oh, right.  Sorry.”

 

Papyrus took his scarf back and flung it around his neck.  “DON’T TOUCH THAT!”

 

The three of you got into a dance formation and synchronized.  “WE ARE NUMBER ONE!”

 

“Hey/hey!”

 

“WE ARE NUMBER ONE!”

 

A hungover Chara and Flowey popped out of your backpack to say the, “Hey!” chorus before they went tumbling back down.

 

“HA HA HA HA HA!” Papyrus did his evil laugh, throwing his hands up into the air as lightning crackled around him. “NOW LOOK AT THIS NET, THAT I HAVE FOUND-NO!”  He pointed to Sans.  “THROW IT ON HIM, NOT ME!” 

 

You grinned sheepishly with a careless shrug.  “Whoops?”  Papyrus frowned at you as he removed himself from the net.  “Um, let’s try something else.  Oh!”  Your eyes widened in realization and you pulled out a banana fro your pocket.  “Now watch and learn,” you quickly shoved it into your mouth to get all the banana off so only the peel remained.  

 

Sans’s tongue rolled out again as his eyelids dropped, grinning at you with a blush.  Papyrus glared at his brother and backhanded him.  “ow!  what?”

 

You threw the peel onto the floor and tried to ride it like a skateboard.  “You slip and slide on this banana peel.”  You slid around the room, grinning widely at your accomplishment.  “Ha ha ha-yikes!”  Your arms spun in frantic circles as a giant spider lady abruptly appeared right in front of you.  “Hello deary.”  She used two arms to grab you and used another two to swing herself out through the hole of the roof, taking you with her.  

 

“WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!” Papyrus called out to the spider lady as she took you away.  Sans teleported onto the roof and tried to stop her with his Gaster Blasters, but she dodged all of them.   Muffler dashed to the side and flung a late ball of liquid webbing onto Sans, trapping his hands to the roof.  She gave him a mocking salute after she jumped off and landed atop one of the many evergreen trees.  “I am number one!”

 

“Hey!”  You complained, trying to release yourself from her tight hold.  But her grip was too tight.

 

“See ya later boys!”  She laughed, agilely swinging from tree to tree.  “Thanks for the treat!”

“MUFFET DON’T-” but she was already long gone, with you in her grasp.  The skeletons bore stunned expressions as they shared a glance.  “-TAKE HER.  BLAST IT.” He swore under his breath.  “SHE JUST HAD TO COME IN LIKE FUCKING SPIDER-MAN AND CARRY Y/N AWAY TO GOODNESS KNOWS WHERE.”  If you weren't so alluring he wouldn't put up with your shit.  He really wouldn't.

 

“she did it in song, too.”  Sans chuckled.  “so ya kinda deserved it.”  Singing a meme song from LazyTown was rather odd for Papyrus, especially for Muffet to unceremoniously pop in like that.  Maybe you were some kind of Wizard in the streets and a Muggle in the Sheets.  “ah doubt muffet’s gonna do anything really.  prolly frisk her and hold her for ransom.”

 

Oh no no no no not again!  NO!  He refused to have his enigma ousted by some, some traveling bandit-touring-vendor who had eight pairs of hot pants!

 

Papyrus glared at him.  “DO YOU REMEMBER ME ASKING YOUR OPINION?”

 

“no-?”

 

“ME EITHER.  SO, WOULD YOU KINDLY PLEASE  _ SHUT THE FUCK UP.” _

 

...Ouch.

 

“...your salty because you really liked that song, aren't you?”  Papyrus hung his head.

 

“IT MAY BE A MEME BUT IT’S BEAUTIFUL,” he mumbled plaintively.  He's been hanging around you far too much that he had actually started liking a few of your things.  Though he'd never blatantly admit that to  _ you, _ of course.

  
  


You were set onto the ground after what felt like half an hour.  You rubbed your arms to help restore circulation while you took in your new surroundings.  It seemed like Muffet took you to a gothic Lolita themed restaurant.  Golden, flowing font spelled out ‘Muffet’s Spider Cafe’ atop the head of the petit building while the whole restaurant itself was decorated with hanging, intricate spider webs that glistened with the occasional sequin pinpricks here and there.  “Wow.”  You venerated, gazing up at the building with sparkling eyes.  “This is so pretty!”  You directed your gaze back towards the spider monster, who was now leading you inside as she used one of her arms to push the doors open.  “Is that why you brought me here?  To see your restaurant?”

 

Muffet chuckled.  “Not quite, deary.  No no, I brought you here for solely entertainment purposes.  You see, Grillby,” she rolled two eyes, “has been more popular among customers as of late and so I have found myself with less business as usual.  Which is rather difficult considering that my business is a non-profitable means of providing for spiders.  While being a bandit is dreadfully fun,” she smirked.  “Pulling tricks and pranks are just as scrumptious. The bone brothers are particularly entertaining as Papyrus makes the most ridiculous expressions.”

 

“Yeah, he can be pretty silly.”  You agreed.  “So do you want to play a game or something?  I'd bet you'd be pretty good at charades.”

 

“Hmm.  Not a bad idea.”. Muffet moved behind the counter and soon held up a plate of a pretty purple donut, cupcake, macaroons and a drink that smelled like a caramel macchiato.  “Would you like something to eat?”

 

“Oh thank you so much!”  You happily took the plate rom Muffet and set it down on a circular table.  You took a seat in one of the swirly chairs and began to rummage through your backpack.  You didn't see Muffet load her pistols behind her back and was about to level them at you.

 

“My pleasure deary.  However there is a matter that-” she blinked in surprise as you held out what looked like two large sacks that wet almost as big as you.  “-eh?”  She blinked her numerous eyes in surprise.

 

“You said that your business was for roping your friends the spiders, right?”  You smiled as you handed her the one of the sacks and opened the other, revealing all of the countless of gold coins that you'd collected in the ruins.  “And since it's hard to be a non-profit business, I figured you could use this.”

 

She slowly took it from you.  Regarding the bag for a moment she frowned up at you.  “Why-how did you get this?”

 

“When I was going through the Ruins and Waterfall I saw a bunch of coins, so I saved them.  I'd love to give you more, but I'm afraid that's all I've got.”

 

Muffet leaned in closer to your face and peered into your eyes with all of hers. There had to be some kind of cash.  This was enough to provide for the entire royal family for a good year or so.  “Why would you so willingly help a stranger like this?”

 

“Because I want to help you with your friends.  It's the right thing to do, right?”  You continued to smile happily.

 

“Huh.”  She finally chuckled, looking through you to confirm her suspicions that yes indeed, you had KINDNESS.  “And to think I was going to rob you blind until you had nothing but the clothes on your back.”

 

“No prob bob-wait, what?”

 

“Oh nothing, nothing,” Muffet waved a hand in careless dismissal.  “I can safely say that this makes up for at least five months of that  _ hothead _ stealing my customers.”

 

“Grillby was it?”

 

“Yes indeed.”  She hummed thoughtfully, placing one hand against her cheek while the others worked to put the bags safely away and pour herself a cup of tea.  “Though it is rather fun bantering with him as we try to mercilessly kill one another.”  She chuckled.  “Why, just last week we were drinking Echo Flower tea while seeing who could aim the most knives at the other's head.”  Muffet sighed happily.  “Good times, good times.”

 

Strangely enough this caused you to picture a black widow mating with her husband after which she ate him alive.  And not in the way he wanted either.  “That's...nice?”

 

She pet your head.  Anyone who was willing to fulfill her one true dream of possessing money was a best friend in her book. So she decided that instead of killing you and flaunting your body to the skeleton brothers, she'd find another way to ‘rattle their bones’. “Indeed.  And what of you, Y/n?  Anyone worthy of your appeal?”

 

“Mm, not really.  I'm not into relationships and all that.”  You grinned, pumping a fist into the air.  “It's all about adventure for me!”

 

“So I see.”  She took a sip of tea while you drank from your positively scrumptious macchiato.  “Any plans for your future travels?”

 

“Kinda.  I mean, I want to get to King Asgore so I could help him break the barrier-” Muffet’s extensive training to maintain an apathetic profile was the only thing preventing her from spitting out her tea “-but Sans and Papyrus say I'm too weak, and that just about anyone can kill me because I'm too nice and trusting.”  You sighed, looking up at her imploringly.  “I'm not too trusting, am I?”

 

………

 

Muffet felt a sweat drop form on her head as two of her eyes cast a glance at her pistols lying behind the countertop.  “That's a matter of perspective.”  A lightbulb dinged in her head. Oh she knew exactly how to play those skeletons.  “Well, if self-defense is an issue, why don't I help?”

 

“Really?”  You perked up.

 

“I don't see why not.  I'm not a bandit simply for the high fashion, love.”  She stood, her heels clicking as she placed two hands on her hips.  “Now tell me, what's your main issue?”

 

“I don't want to hurt anyone, so I try to spare all the monsters I run into.  Either I chase after them with mercy” you thought of Mad Dummy, whom you still needed to find “or I run like hell until everything’s okay.”

 

“I see.”  She thoughtfully tapped a finger against her lower lip.  “Have you ever considered flirting?”

 

“Eh?”  You eyed her in surprise.  “Why would I do that?”

 

Muffet gently placed her hands on your shoulders.  A few of her spider friends dropped down from the ceiling on their silvery strands to curiously observe the developing soevatcale.  “As you said, you don't want to hurt anyone.”

 

“Right.”  Where was she going with this? 

 

“While at the same time, you value self-preservation.  Therefore, what you could do,” she released you to spin on her heels and posed with her skirt lightly swaying into the air and revealing her silken black thigh highs as she arched her back to emphasize her chest.  “Is seduce.”

 

“Eh?”  She gently placed her hands atop your shoulders and placed a finger under your chin to tilt your head up and level your gaze with hers.  “You need to think what makes others  _ tick _ .”  She released you to spin a few threads threw her fingers as they flew in and out of the space between her hands in flashing glimpses of silver.  Soon the webbing within her hand opened to reveal a small heart no larger than a child's fist residing in the center of her purple palm.  “Regarding monsters, most of our us have bodies that are susceptible to physical means of pleasure.  All monsters-and perhaps humans, though I don't know personally-can be affected with the SOUL.”

 

“...I'm going to read their palms?”

 

Muffet resisted the urge to let it an exasperated sigh.  Oh she had so,  _ so _ much work to do.

 

“No deary.  I'm saying that if worst comes to worst, a monster’s SOUL will be out when battling.  If you are unable to flirt your way out, try light touches to their SOUL.”

 

You weren't completely sure about what that had to do flirting, but you understood.  Sorta.  “Okay.”

 

“Now then, seeing as you clearly possess no inkling as to physical flirting, stick to pick up lines.  Try telling me ones that you know.”

 

“I don't really know all that much,” you confessed.  “Most of the ones I know are jokes.  Like ‘what’s my shirt made of?  Girlfriend material’.”

 

Muffet made a so-so gesture with two hands.  “It's not bad, but too innocent and sweet for any real effect.”  She placed re hands on her hips while another pointed determinedly at you.  “Wait no, that's perfect!  What the skelebros need to be pranked-I mean, for you to flirt-is to be a sweet yet sexy sweetheart that knows how to rock her sassy high heels!”

 

“But I don't know how to wear heels.”  Muffet proceeded to drag you to the back of the restaurant to find where she put her spare clothes.  “And I like my straw hat and sneakers!”

 

“Yes yes you could keep the straw hat.  Why not settle with stilettos then?  And don't worry,” she stopped you when she saw our open your mouth to protest. “I'll teach you how to walk in them.  I've trained myself over the years to know how to run, climb, and sprint in inch thick heels.  I'm certain it can't be that hard for you to learn from a master.”

  
  


Correction, it was extremely difficult.  

 

“Goodness gracious I haven't seen a walk like that since the Gelatin Molds did the hokey pokey in a unicorn rave party.”

 

“Dammit Muffet I'm gliding!”

 

She held two of your hands with a pair of her own and used the other pair to guide the swaying of your hips.  “The key is balance and force.  Extend yourself, your very spirit into the shoes as you march your way through the crowd and show them who's boss.”

 

With wobbling knees and trembling limbs you managed to survive.  Though you couldn't sprint like Muffet, you were able to run and climb which was just as good.  She then decided it was time to move on to the best part of getting the skeletons.  

 

You watched as Muffet rummaged through her closet and tossed various articles of clothing haphazardly to the side.  “Nope.  No.  Too tacky.  Too retro.”  You ducked as a lacy fuschia thong sailed past your head.  “Too desperate.  Aha!”  She exclaimed and poked her head out from the pile to triumphantly display silver lined and golden/ornamented with an overall magenta, white, and pink color schemed fabrics.

 

“...Is that lingerie?”  

 

“What?”  She scoffed.  “No.  This is a...uh...pajama!”  She nodded as if in an attempt to make herself believe it as well.  “A comfortable pajama to wear when you have a...slumber party with the brothers.”

 

“Oh!”  You uttered in realization.  “Okay.  Yay,” you happily clasped your hands around the tips of the fabric and roamed your appendages cautiously over the smooth silk.  “I can't wait to show them.  It's so pretty!”

 

Muffet couldn't hold back her laugh and ended up snorting at your oblivity.  “Indeed.”

 

“How about you, Muffet?”  

 

“Hm?”

 

“Don't you have anything cute to show Grillby?”

 

Oh dear.  Her purple cheeks darkened with heat and she rolled two eyes.  “Pfft, oh please deary.  As if I'd even consider that.” 

 

“Oh okay.”  You tucked the pajama under your arm and went into the back of the closet.  “I'll be out in a few minutes okay?”

 

“Very well.”  She didn't have too wait long as you soon stepped out, clad in your normal outfit but with the ‘pajama’ on underneath.  

 

“Okey dokey.  I'm all ready to go.”

 

“Wonderful.”  Muffet could barely restrain the mirth in her voice as she clapped her hands together in brisk movements.  “Remember what I taught you; what do you say to the brothers when you you're getting ready to show them your cute pajamas?”

 

“I'd greet them with ‘Hello!’s or ‘Hi’s.”

 

“No no, after that.”

 

“Huh-oh yeah.”  Your eyes sparkled in excitement and you held your hands behind your back.  “‘I've got something special I want to show you.’”

 

“Perfect!  And what do you do as you speak?”

 

“I show them my pajama and pose with peace signs!”  You exclaimed with a confident stance and hands at your hips.

 

Goodness you were far too adorable for an adult.  She may just keep you for herself if the brothers weren't careful.  “Not necessarily peace signs but yes, posing is good.  And what do you do when they ask you why you did this?”

 

You tilted your head to the side. “Because I'm so cute they could just eat me up?”  

 

“Splendid!”  Muffet handed you macaroons and you gave a happy squeal as you devoured them.  “Excellent work deary.  Now all we need to do is head to the skeletons’ house and you can show them.  Wait,” Muffet quickly spoke to her spider friends and they swiftly spun on their webs to slide back down from the cabinet with a camera.  “Can't forget this.”

 

“Are you coming over to the sleepover too, Muffet?”  You inquired, ever oblivious.

 

The spider monster snickered.  “Oh no, I’ll let you have all the fun.  After today, I’ll have  _ more _ than enough to cover with those skeletons.”

 

You didn’t understand why her words seemed to mean something far deeper than what you perceived but you accepted her response and pocketed that thought away.  “Okay.  Could you please help walk me back?  I have no idea how we got here.”

 

Muffet pushed open her double doors.  Pulling on a strand of webbing, she made an intricate series of knots until she had a rope made of webs and tossed the large glomps onto the ceiling and what looked like the top of the Underground’s many tunnels.  She then spun another series and wrapped a lasso around your midsection and grasped the end with two hands while the other two focused on gripping the silver vine attached to the rocky ceiling.  “Certainly.  Hang on.”

 

“Wait-waaaa!”  You cried out and desperately clung to your backpack as Muffet swung you through the Underground at breathtaking speeds, somehow performing professional acrobatics in graceful maneuvers as she did so.  Your vision and head blurred as you were tossed and swung by your waist and you desperately clung to the upper part of the webs.  

 

“Woohoo!”  You cried, pumping your fist into the air while the other remained on the webbing.  “Go Muffet go!”

 

She chuckled at your enthusiasm.  “Hold on dear,” she swung you up to the top and for a brief moment you were suspended in air from the slowed momentum.  She let go of her web to twirl in the air and curled into a ball.  Rotating over and over, she summoned out her soul to release her magic and lit the dimmed tunnels in rags of purple and silver, sparks of flashing white illuminating the area in a breathtaking vision.  She caught the webbing rope and spun another web to grab you by the hand and swung together over and over until she switched to maintain a trapeze for pace as she caught and tossed you ceaselessly in the air.

 

“Spider girl, spider girl, does whatever a spider girl does,” you sang to parody Spiderman-or Spider Gwen, ‘cause her design was super cool.  “Can she swing, from a web, yes she can; she's a spider lookooout,” you kept the song pitch even as your voice rose when Muffet made you just barely miss the stalactites ominously hanging on the top of the tunnels.  “Here comes the Spider Muffet.”

 

“I must say,” Muffet caught your arms and momentarily swung with her arms and legs out as you both held each other's hands in a light fall.  “You're quite the traveling companion.”  With a brisk movement of two slender appendages she had thrown you back up.  “I can see why monsters who meet you are so quick to befriend you.”

 

“Aw thanks!”  You jumped from the smooth wall and leaped up to one of the seams Muffet quickly spun for you.  “I take my social virtues seriously!  Hup!”  You somersaulted and bounced back to the side with Muffet.  “A stranger’s just a friend you haven’t met yet.  And besides,” Muffet held your hands once more to swing you up.  You smiled brightly at her as your faces become leveled, surprising Muffet as your eyes suddenly glowed electric green.  “ _ New friends are old friends you will return to.” _

 

Like a flash of lightning the electric spark of green was gone and your eyes returned to their normal hue as you were swung.

 

That voice...those eyes…

 

Muffet’s smile did not reflect the thoughtful burning within her nebulous eyes.  She had knew those eyes.  But from where…?

 

Who exactly were you, and why was there something resonating deep inside her that made her feel like she knew you once before?

 

Her thoughts swarmed her and soon her vision became an opaque haze.  When Muffet kept her gaze on you to catch you in time, she saw someone like you, but not quite you, look back at her as she stood atop a lofty field of lush green grass and vibrant flowers of all kinds adorning the ground.  

 

_ I've missed you, old friend.   _ This mature-collected version of you wore a tattered cloak and crystal staff by her side.  Her smile became sad as Muffet tried to reach for her through this misty fog of thickening magic.  

 

Then everything changed.  Gone were the flowers and the lush green, but brown with an odd reddish hue tainting the ground as you kneeled, your staff broken and laying beside you forlornly as you lifted your tear stained face to look at Muffet.  A shadowy figure stood behind, its hand clasped tightly on your shoulder.  Though Muffet couldn't see their face, she saw a triumphant smirk overtaking their features. 

 

_...I'm so, so...sorry….  _ Tears matted with crimson liquid flowing down your cheeks.  Muffet watched you and the figure rise into the sky-no, that wasn't accurate.  She was falling, falling down into the dark hole of the mountain as humans began to surround you.  Muffet tried to struggle back to the surface as she slowly free fell.  

 

She had to save you!  They had weapons and were pointing them at you and cheering words she couldn't understand but it roared and screamed and scratched at her ears and hurt her head.

 

Barred from you.  She was barred.  

 

_ They _ were barred….

 

... _ He _ was barred...but who was he...she knew yet did not remember...

 

_...Please,”  _  she heard you say in that melodious, plaintive voice that  _ they _ had adored.  

 

_ Forgive me... _

 

Muffet gasped as she was jarred back to reality as she dropped you and herself onto the snowy ground.  Apparently through her vision she'd taken you both back to Snowdin.  She collapsed onto the ground with trembling hands and you quickly ran to her, dropping to her side with concern.  “Muffet?!  Are you okay?”

 

“I...I’m fine.”  She slowly stood firm the ground, bits of slow clinging to her skirt and heels.  “Simply some...memories…”

 

You frowned.  “Are you sure?  I-you looked like something was hurting you.”  You blinked in surprise as Muffet suddenly embraced you with all of her arms.  “Uh…”

 

“I'm glad I met you, Y/n.”  She murmured.  

 

“Technically you kidnapped me, but yeah the feeling’s mutual.”  You grin.  Oh found a way to awkwardly moved past her arms to hug her slightly above the waist.  “I'm glad I met you too, Muffet.”

 

Though you weren't who you used to be, you were still her friend.  And despite everything that had happened, you were still you.

 

Soon after the two of you began hugging the skelebros’ door opened.  Papyrus and Sans stepped out with determined expressions.  “COME ON SANS WE’VE GOT TO FIND Y/-NOT AGAIN!”  He let out a furious shout as he saw what looked like tomfoolery between you and Muffet. Just like with Undyne.

 

Muffet and you turned to him in surprise and Muffet looked back and forth between you two as realization hit her.  ‘Ah.’  She smirked and pulled you closer to her and nuzzled gently into your face.  “This is  _ exactly _ what it looks like,” she purred.

 

Papyrus fumed while Sans raised a question ridge.  “what?”

 

“MUFFET YOU-YOU CONNIVING, NO GOOD DIRTY DOUBLE CROSSING BLACK WIDOW!”

 

“Aw, stop,” Muffet waved a hand at him as another cupped her cheek.  “You're making me blush.”

 

“I don't understand.  And Muffet doesn't look like a black widow either.”  You said.

 

Suddenly your SOUL was out and red as Sans used his magic to set you down beside him and Papyrus.  “we’ll be takin’  _ our _ friend back, thank you.”

 

“Y/N!  DID THAT LUSH DO ANYTHING THAT MADE YOU UNCOMFORTABLE?”  Papyrus demanded as he scanned you over and worriedly clasped his hands on your shoulders.  You tilted your head to the side.

 

“No, Muffet’s my friend now.  It's okay.  Oh!”  You grinned in excitement as you stepped back from the brothers.  “I got something to show you two!”

 

Muffet hurriedly took out the camera and started the recording.

 

“whatcha mean?  did ya find somethin’?”

 

“No,” you made an x with your arms and started to lift your shirt up.  “I've got something special to show you two how much I love you and our friendship!”

 

Well it wasn't exactly what she'd wanted you to say, but it was close enough she supposed.  

 

Papyrus and Sans’s face burned red once your shirt was gone, revealing the lingerie on the upper part of your body.  “It's also really cute on the bottom too.  Just let me get my pants of-”

 

“NO/no!”  The brothers hastily tried to get you to put your shirt back on.  “K-KEEP YOUR CLOTHES ON KEEP THEM ON OKAY?!”  Papyrus’s beat red face cast a ruby glow over your face as he pulled the ends of your shirt down while you tried to lift it up.

 

“w-we’re f-fine a-and d-don't n-need t-to s-see!”  Sans hooked his fingers into your pants’s straps to prevent you from tugging them down.  

 

“Guys come on!”  You complained as the brothers refused you.  “Let me show you how cute I am!”

 

“UH UH!”

 

“Yeah huh!”

 

“uh uh!”

 

“Yeah uh yeah uh yeah uh!”

 

“UH NUH UH NUH UH NUH!”

 

“Hell to the yes yes  _ yes _ !”

 

“hell to the no no  _ no _ !”

 

“Just let me live my life!”

 

“YOU HAVE NO LIFE!”

 

You paused your struggle long enough to look at Papyrus with a half-incredulous, half hurt expression.  “Dude…”

 

Papyrus grimaced uncomfortably at your expression, but made certain that your shirt was completely covering you before he let you go.  “...SORRY, BUT IT’S TRUE.”  

 

“Yo whaddup punks.”  Everyone turned to see Undyne and Alphys wearing coats and appropriate winter gear as they walked towards you hand in hand.  “Whatcha doing?”

 

“N-nothing too senile I-I hope.  Hm, Papyrus?”  Alphys smirked as Papyrus narrowed his eye sockets at her.

 

“SO YOU FINALLY GREW A BACKBONE.  GOOD FOR YOU!  NOW WOULD YOU TWO KINDLY CONTINUE YOUR BUSINESS ELSEWHERE?”

 

“we’re kinda bizzay dealin’ wit’ y/n.”

 

“Is that why your hands are in her pants while Papyrus's are under her shirt?”  Undyne cackled with wiggling eyebrows. 

 

Papyrus and Sans’ faces burned once more as they realized that in their attempts to prevent you from stripping, they had unconsciously gotten themselves into hilariously compromising positions.  “STOP WHATEVER IT IS THAT YOU’RE THINKING BECAUSE THAT IS NOT WHAT IS HAPPENING AT ALL.”

 

“O-oh hey Muffet.”  Alphys gave a short wave to the spider monster, who gave a languid movement of one of her own.  “R-recording the foreplay of th-their sex tape?”

 

“Mhm.  I'm calling it  _ Bone Zoned Skeletons. _ ”

 

“we’re not-!  what the actual fuck muffet?!”

 

“You know you want to.”

 

“....”

 

“SANS!”  Papyrus fumed once he saw a contemplative look flash across Sans’s face.  “STOP CONSIDERING IT!”

 

“well ahm sorry.”  He snapped.  “‘s not like yer doin’ any better!”

 

“Here girlie,” Undyne brought her hands on your shirt and pants and somehow ripped them all off of you.  “This is how it's done!”  Before flexing her muscles to cause her own clothes to pop off and tear.

 

Alphys gasped and clapped her hands together in excitement as she took in Undyne’s bra and shorts.  Both girlfriends have you a thumbs up with light nosebleeds as they complimented your pajamas. “Lookin’ good Y/n!”

 

“Thank you!  I've been wanting to show Papyrus and Sans but for some reason they didn't want me to.”  You spun around and waved your hands excitedly as you did a cute pose in front of the frozen skeletons.  “What do you guys think?  Isn't it cute?”

 

They both fell backwards from the sheer force of their nosebleeds and stumbled to keep themselves upright.  Papyrus somehow found a table and kicked it up as an array of bones surrounded them.  Sans found a stick and waved it in frantic motions while his other hand attempted to stop his gushing blood.

 

“ST-STAY BACK!”

 

“What?”

 

“w-we’re not d-doing  _ that _ to  _ you _ of all people!”

 

You blinked in surprise.  “What're you talking about?”  You took a few steps forward and they actually screamed in terror with furious blushes.  

 

“BACK TEMPTRESS!”  You ducked as Papyrus threw-was that a pillow?-at you.  “BACK TO THE HALLUCINOGENIC CRACKPOT OF LASCIVIOUS BOOTIES OF WHICH YOU CAME!”

 

“Are you two ok?”  You ducked as Papyrus threw a bucket of holy water on you after dumping some on himself and Sans.  

 

“THE POWER OF BOONDOGGLER COMPELS YOU!”

 

A tick mark appeared on our head and you increased your speed to get closer and closer to the skeletons.  Why wouldn't they just let you love them?!  “Oh come on guys!  Just let me-”

 

“NO NO NO!”  Papyrus threw a coffee mug and several chocolate bars at you.  “GET BACK YOU NUTTER SCRUBBER BINT TWAT BOFFER!”  

 

“mah anaconda don't want yo buns!”

 

“Denial,” Muffet sang as she struggled to hold back her laughter.

 

“Hell yeah!”  Undyne cheered as she began to pick up massive boulders and  _ holy shit she was fucking suplexing boulders.  “ _ Let’s throw some shit at each other!”

 

Alphys pulled a remote out of her lab coat and began to conduct a signal to summon some of her best robots thus far.  “I-I'll get my a-androids and mechas to help you Unnie!”

 

“Thanks babe!”

 

Spongebob narrator dude says, “A very short while later.”

 

Flowey groaned as he popped out of your backpack, leaning over the side as he resisted the urge to tear up his throbbing xylem and phloem.  “Ohhh my head...everything sucks balls.  Hey Chara, how you holding up?”

 

Chara popped out beside Flowey and whimpered rubbing their head as they tried to make everything stop damn  _ spinning _ .  “It's a good thing we’re dead, so we can't die again.”

 

“Speak for yourself.  My soul may be gone but I can still die.”

 

“Heh heh.”  Chara chuckled weakly, “Weak ass sunflower.”

 

“Shuddup.”  He winced as his snapping remark made his head ring.  “In that Plants vs. Zombies game I kick some swipes undead tooshie and I can kick yours too if I wanted.”

 

“Maybe later when I'm not so hung.”

 

“Eh, yeah.  What do ya think Y/n’s up to?”

 

“Dunno.”  They tilted their heads up to see utter chaos before them.  You were wearing girly lingerie as you scaled a giant-ass battlement the size of a four story building made up of tables and bones like a freaking wreath. 

 

“ **_Tell me I’m cute damnit!_ ** _ ”   _ The soulless siblings could hear your hiss all the way from here.  

 

Papyrus and Sans clung to each other as you approached, screaming at the  sexy unholy terror looming before them.

 

Meanwhile, Undyne was laughing maniacally perched atop a giant mecha as flames surrounded her, smoldering rocks burning in bright flames as other me has threw them into the air and destroyed them.  “RISE!”  She commanded, “RISE!”  Alphys manned the controls for the me has and waved to her girlfriend.  “Y-you got it!”  And with a wild gleam in her mad scientist eyes she only contributed to the chaos.  

 

As all this was going on, Muffet was recording the whole thing as she laughed, clutching her aching sides while another hand wiped tears from her eye.  

  
Chara and Flpwey remained silent as they took in this absurd, surrealistic spectacle.  Without a word, they slowly sank back into your backpack and closed the top behind them.


	11. The Papyrus/Flowey Fanclub

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I LIIIIIVE

You sobbed, Undyne and Alphys awkwardly patting you on the back while an equally off-put Sans and Papyrus watched.  “I-I just wanted to be cute!”

 

“yea, but doin’ somethin’ like that ain't the way to go doll.”  Though the view wasn't all that bad…

 

“TRUST ME HUMAN,” Papyrus burned the remaining cinders of the lingerie until it was dead and gone.  “IT’S BETTER FOR ALL OF US THIS WAY.”

 

Muffet was leisurely hanging from the ceiling, giggling as she chatted with a few of her musicale spider compatriots.  “I must say, that was the most fun I've had in years.”

 

Sans and Papyrus scowled at Muffet.  “YOU DON’T GET TO SAY ANYTHING!”

 

“Oh relax.  It's not like she died or anything.”

 

“Wait, I died?”  Undyne sighed wearily as Alphys pinched the bridge between her large snout.  

 

“And I’m keeping this gem to myself,” Muffet chirped as she tucked the video recording safely away into her boobs.

 

“ALAS, YOU’VE OVERSTAYED YOUR WELCOME.  NOW PLEASE LEAVE OR ELSE I’LL GET THE CUP AND NEWSPAPER.”  Papyrus warned Muffet as he tightened his hold around a rolled up newspaper.  You oohed, admiring how cool Papyrus looked all commanding like that.  If only he and Sans didn't make you change back to your normal clothes-then you could've been the cute to their badass.  Well, you still had these neato heels on at least.

 

“Alright then.”  She spun a web and crawled out through the window.  “Goodbye for now dearies. Take care, Y/n.”

 

You waved farewell as she sped off.  “Bye Muffet!  See you later!”  A strange, green light flared in the distance and your eyes widened in surprise.  What was that?  You moved closer to the window, narrowing your eyes as you tried to track down the strange flare.  

 

The skeletons were arguing with Undyne and Alphys about something.  As they aren't paying attention to you, you focused your attention on getting a better look at that light.  You crawled out the window and plopped down into the snow.  Dusting yourself off, you chased after the light in the direction you last saw it the best you could, the skeleton household becoming smaller and smaller as you went.  Your backpack shook and hit our back as you went.  Eventually the rough bumps bothered Flowey and Chara enough that they popped out of your backpack.

 

“Hey!  What's the rush Flash?”  Flowey complained as his head was knocked onto the back of your head.  

 

“I saw this really cool light and I wanna see what it is,” you replied.

 

Chara raised an eyebrow.  “So you left the sanctity of the bonehead’s home just to chase after a pretty light you saw?”

 

“Yep!”  Chara face-palmed with a tired groan.

 

“I wish I could say this surprises me but I can't.  I've actually gotten used to whatever the heck you are.”

 

“Oh trust me,” Flowey wrapped a leafy stalk around their shoulder.  “With her, you don't get used to anything.  Saying stuff like that will only Jinx it.”

 

“What do you me-Y/n watch it!”  You helped and ducked down as a large bag engulfed you.  “Oomf!”  Your back hit the bottom of the sack as whoever caught you lift you into the air and tossed you around.  You, Chara, and Flowey went back and forth against the sides of the bag and Flowey quickly covered his mouth.  “ Hey, what's going on?”  You complained. “Everything went dark!  Chara, can you see anything?”

 

“Only the dismal abyss of black nothingness.”

“Aow...I think I'm gonna be sick-hnp!”  He covered his mouth with two leaves.

 

“Flowey, if you puke all over me I  _ will _ end you.”  Let it never be sad that Chara was not a ‘child’ of their word.

 

“I just realized that if I had a nickel for every time I've been kidnapped, I’d have two nickels.  That's troubling.”  Why did you get the feeling this would be commonplace in the Underground?

 

“Oh that's nice.”  Flower bowed his head pleasantly. “Did you think that it might, you know, be because yoU’RE A SUICIDAL MORON?!”  He whacked you upside the head with a leaf stalk.  It didn't really hurt, it was a leaf, for crying out loud, but you got the message.  “WHY CAN’T YOU JUST BE A SORTA NORMAL HUMAN LIKE FRISK AND BE LIKE, ‘OH LOOK, A STICK!  I’M GONNA CHEW ON IT JUST BECAUSE’ AND NOT, ‘OH LOOK, A SHINY RED BUTTON THAT COULD KILL US ALL.  I’M GONNA PUSH THE SHINY!’”

 

Chara was about to add something when they paused.  They raised an eyebrow and glanced around in the darkness.  “They stopped.”

 

The captors were going to get you out.  “Quickly-get in my backpack!”  You opened it up for the two as they jumped in.  You promptly closed it shut just as the bag opened and you were roughly sent sprawling onto the floor face-first.  Ouchie.

 

You moaned as you sat up, everything spinning and swirling and you shook you head to steady your vision.  You were surrounded by what appeared to be tiny-well, there were a couple tall ones-kid monsters.  And there in the midst of them was- “Oh hey,” you nodded in recognition.  “Monster Kid, right?  What's up?”

 

He proudly puffed out his chest as an owl-like monster, noodle monster, purple tentacle and green fire monster stood beside him.  A large green, gelatinous mass with a vaguely bear-esque shape lay slumbering in the corner of the room.  “Thanks to me, you've been captured human by none other than me, Monster Kid!”  He struck a pose as the owl-monster posed next.  

 

“Snowdrake!”

 

Next the large noodle-esque one.  “Onion-San!”

 

The fire and tentacle monster posed together.  “Fufuku Fire and Penelope!”  Penelope then pointed to the bear-like monster still slumbering away.  “And that's Gummy Kid.”

 

“And together,” Monster Kid chimed, all the others chorusing with him to simultaneously declare “we are the Papyrus/Flowey Fanclub!”

 

“Copyright trademark.”  Fufuku purred.

 

You blinked at them.  “...sooo...You ship Papyrus and Flowey?”

 

“What?!”  Monster Kid spluttered.  “No!  Why would you-oh.”

 

“Yeah,” Snowdrake ruffled his feathers.  “We should probably change it to ‘The Papyrus  _ and _ Flowey Fanclub’.”

 

“The slash part is pretty misleading,” Penelope nodded.  As they were conversing, you were slowly dying to inch your way out the-treehouse?  Well okay then-only for them to spot you.

 

“Hey!”  Penelope shot a large tentacle out and grasped you by the waist.  You were roughly thrown against the floor back to the center of the wooden room and you coughed, the impact knocking your breath right of of you.  “You can't go.  You're stuck here.”

 

“No I’m Y/n.”  She pursed her lips.

 

“Haha very funny, but Penelope's right.  You're staying with us human.”  Monster Kid smirked; excited sparks shining in his eyes.  “We’re going to take your SOUL and present it to Papyrus!”  All the kids gathered around him in excitement.  “He's going to be so impressed and awed that we saved monster kind that he's going to make us honorary Royal Guard members!”

 

“Give us autographs!”  Penelope and Fufuku chorused. 

 

“Wear a cute maid dress with us!”  Onion-San received nonplussed looks from his friends.  “...Or get cool outfits…”

 

“So human,” Monster Kid brought their attention back to you.  “How would you like to die?”

 

“Well,” with a nervous chuckle you clasped your hands together.  “You see, I-hey, look over there!”  You pointed ahead and they all turned.  With that successful distraction you jumped out the open window and onto the snowy ground below.  

 

“I don't see anything-hey!  Get back here!”  The monster children cried out in surprise and hurried after you.  Quickly hiding behind the back of the treehouse you speedily searched for your giant, green gummy bear outfit and abruptly put it on.  The mask hid your entire face, and the cloth-covered eyeholes let you see through it but looked like pure white to anyone else.  You heaved a deep breath to encourage yourself and turned around. Only to bump into none other than Monster Kid.

 

“Oh, hey there!”  He cheerfully greeted you.

 

“Wha!”  You spasmed momentarily from shock before calming down.  “Uh h-hey Monster Kid!”

 

He turned his head in both directions quizzically.  “Have you seen the human anywhere?”

 

“Can't say that I have,” you shrug your shoulders.  “We'd better come up with a plan in case we can't find her.  Wouldn't want to miss out on this rare opportunity to meet Papyrus, am I right?”  You fake-laughed.  

 

“Yeah.”   He perked up.  “But we’ll find her eventually, I’m sure!”

 

Suddenly Snowdrake screamed out “HUMAN!” from above.  You and Monster Kid looked up to see him dive bombing towards you.  “I'm gonna take your SOUL!”  As he dove towards you, you realized he was going way too fast and not stopping in that downward direction.  So you stepped out of the way and he plopped, screaming, right into the snow.  

 

You pulled out a scoreboard and decided to give him a 9 because the finale was kinda meh.  “What do you think M.K.?”

 

He used his teeth to hold up his scoreboard of 8.  “The bottom dive sucked.”

 

Snowdrake rapidly shook his head to be rid of any remaining vertigo.  He hopped up onto the ground.  Monster Kid looked on both directions before looking back at him.  “Did you see the human Snowdrake?”

 

“Yeah,” he nodded.  “That's the human right there.”  He pointed to you with one of his talons.  Monster Kid glanced at you as you waved, the costume arm weighed hardly anything and was easy to move.  “No that’s just Gummy Kid.”

 

“Yeah,” Fufuku Fire put in.  Penelope popped up beside her and waved at you.  “Hey Gummy Kid.”

 

“Hola.”

 

“Argh no no no.”  Snowdrake shook his head.  “She's got some sort of disguise going on.  You know, to fool us into thinking she’s not a human.”  You sweatdropped nervously and tossed a snowball at the back of his head.  “Ow!  Fine, if that's Gummy Kid, why do they keep throwing snowballs at me?”  You weren't gonna get ratted out.  Sorry kid.

 

“Well it is kinda fun.”  Monster Kid somehow managed to throw a snowball  at Snowdrake.  “Hey!”  You decided to follow suite and threw another snowball at Snowdrake.  

 

“I'm gonna kill you!”  He lunged for you, but Monster Kid helped hold him back.  “Snowdrake calm down!”  He commanded.

 

“No!  I'm the only one in this damn place who can see through that disguise.”  He turned hopefully to Onion-San.  “Onion-San, back me up here.”

 

“I don't really care if she's Gummy Kid or not.”  He began to creep close to you, a disturbing grin on his face as his tentacles swirled around him.  “I just wanna wrap tentacles around her sweet, succulent, five-star quality backpack.”  You glanced down at the afore-said item and protectively clutched your baby close to your chest.

 

“I've had enough of this!”  Snowdrake exclaimed.  “Gummy!”

 

The real Gummy Kid popped up beside Snowdrake.  “Yo.”  Snowdrake triumphantly gazed at his fellow monsters.  “Well now we’ve got two Gummy Kids.  What do you say to that?”

 

Uh-oh.  Luckily, the kids remained as clueless as ever.  “Cool!”  Monster Kid grinned.  

 

“O.M.S Monster Kid I will  _ slap _ you.”  You could hear how dome he was in his voice.  “Look, guys, if that’s Gummy Kid-” he pointed to Gummy Kid.  “-Then who’s  _ that _ ?”  He pointed back to you.

 

“I'm pretty sure that's Gummy Kid,” said Gummy Kid.

 

“Oh dammit- _ you’re _ Gummy Kid!”  The gelatinous monster remained silent for a moment as he looked slowly back and forth between you and himself.  Then he began to waddle away.  “Where are you going?”

 

“Fuck this shit I'm out.”

 

“Come on guys were wasting time!  Papyrus usually finishes his rounds by now,” Snowdrake whined.

 

“Actually,” Penelope hummed.  “I think he finished about a few minutes ago.  It sounded like he was looking for someone.”

 

“What?!”  Before you could react, Snowdrake ripped off your head mask.  “This is the human!”

 

“The human?!”  Fufuku and Penelope gasped.

 

“The human?!”  Monster Kid double-taked.

 

“Backpack?!”  Onion-San joined.

 

“Uh no no,” you held up your hands and backed up while the monster children approached you.  “I'm totally Gummy Kid and stuff and-diversion!”  You pulled a bag of sugar out of your backpack and threw a handful of it at the children before you bolted.  They screamed joyously.  “Sugar!”  With that approximate thirty-second head start you tried to remember where the heck Papyrus and Sans lived.  Unfortunately, there was snow beyond the eye can see, and giving hyped up monster children sugar was probably not a good idea.

 

A roar echoed behind you and you jumped.  Looking back, you saw the kids buzzing and moving around so fast that they created a snow storm tornado.  And we're heading straight for you.  “Shit shit shit shit shit double shit!!!”  You screamed, the ecstatic cries of the children in hot pursuit echoing in the Underground.

 

Meanwhile, Bleu was chatting with Napstablook about a mile or so away from Grillby’s.  “All that really happened, huh?”  The blue bunny shook his head sympathetically while Napstablook nodded.  

 

“She took the key and crashed right through the wall after Mad Dummy.  I mean, I know we've only known human kids thus far, but I'm fairly certain adults aren't supposed to...You know…”

 

“Be straight up insane?”

 

“Yeah, that.”  Fate or coincidence-it was up to anyone really-had you come screaming past the two monsters with a gargantuan wave of snow with sugar-enthused children chasing after you while screaming for the ‘mother country.’

 

“Aaaah!-ooh, ice cream!”  You skidded to a halt in front of them and held up your hands to halt the giant wave of snow.  “Ice cream break!”  

 

“Oh sweet mama!”  Monster Kid and the other kids slid down the frozen snow wave and landed in front of the stall with you.  “Mean cream!”

 

“I'll take the ‘Rocky Road Stone Cold’ with hot fudge please.”  You opened up your backpack.  “Hey Chara, Flowey, what kind of ice cream do you guys want?”

 

Flower scanned the options.  “Vanilla’s fine.” Chara snickered.  “What?”

 

“You are what you eat.” 

 

A pregnant pause as the information sunk in.  “Hey!”

 

“Chara, be nice to your brother.”  You chided.  You turned back to Bleu.  “I'll take the ‘Rocky Road Stone Cold’ with dark chocolate hot fudge.  Oh, and chocolate sprinkles.  And wafers.  And-”

 

“A whole lot of chocolate all over I got it.”  You rummaged through your backpack to search for spare gold coins while the kids ordered their Mean Creams.  You were about to pay the flabbergasted bunny when Snowdrake waved a wing to stop you.

 

“I'll pay.  We’re a large group.”

 

“Oh no no, I’m the adult here, it's my responsibility.”

 

“Please, I insist,” he politely cut in.  

 

“Here, why don't we put in half and half?”

 

“Alright.”  You both placed your coins on the counter.  Everyone enjoyed their ice cream and struck up pleasant conversation amongst one another.  You even got Chara to laugh with a funny joke you told them.  Soon everyone had finished their frozen treats.  “Ah, that was good.”

 

“Yeah,” the kids nodded and made their own noises of agreement.  “Now, where were we?”  Simultaneously, you took off screaming and the kids resumed their maniacal laughter atop the giant snow wave as they chased after you.

 

Bleu and Napstablook stood in bewilderment.  “Dude, what just happened?”  In lieu of an answer, the ghost dumped the pot of tea the two had been drinking earlier and dumped it into the snow.


End file.
